I’m seeing an increasing number of women commenting on social media this week about their low expectations for Valentine’s Day. How “they’ll be lucky” to get a gift or even acknowledgement of the day from their partner.

So in their attempt to lower their expectations before they are disappointed, they are closing the door on love. And it is really difficult to love a closed door.

It is commonly known that what you give out, you get back. So if what you give out are “loving me is pointless” vibes, then guess what is likely to happen? People won’t bother.

Changing this is not about changing how we interact with others, it’s about changing how we see and treat ourselves.

So here are 4 ways you can love yourself more (and subsequently receive more from others)

1. Make time for you every single day

So many women express that they are too tired to do anything for themselves, yet they spend 100% of their time pleasing other people. Let your number one goal be to put yourself as high on the list as your best friend would be in her time of need. If she called you and needed you for a 15 minute conversation you would make that time without question, wouldn’t you? Well then be equally kind to yourself. There are so many things you could do in 15 minutes that might light you up. Dance around the kitchen to 4 songs (or the same one on repeat and louder each time!), read a chapter of your book that you got for Christmas, decompress by writing in a journal or just enjoy a whole cup of tea that is still warm when you get to the bottom.

2. Take yourself on a date regularly

Everyone has somewhere they’d like to go. But quite often we have no one to go with, or no reason to go. Maybe we are even waiting to be taken… Act as if you have a date with the most important love of your life — YOU. Take yourself somewhere nice — a wander around a gallery, a guilty treat at the cinema, a facial. And make it a regular thing; one that is non-negotiable.

3. Buy yourself a treat, just because

When someone gives us a gift that is unwarranted isn’t it a great treat? Buy yourself something today, not because you need it, but because you’d love to have it. It could be a book, a piece of jewellery or just some fancy shower gel. Whatever it is, it signals that you are valued, and worth treating — that is guaranteed to put a smile on your face.

4. Say something nice to yourself today

When someone pays us a compliment, it is commonplace for women to throw it straight back with a denigrating statement like, “this old thing?” or “it’s only Primark”, or “well I couldn’t fit in anything else”. Why do we do this? Because we don’t believe we are enough. So switch that up — instead acknowledge something good about yourself today and say it to yourself in the mirror. You may feel silly, but you will also feel a little lift when you realise that there is something to love about your appearance. Don’t leave the mirror ’til you find something!

We don’t need another to buy us things on Valentine’s Day or any other day, especially when we treat ourselves so well, but we can certainly learn to love being treated well.  And when we truly appreciate how to do that for ourselves, we will teach others to do the same.

If you suspect you are playing small, and not loving yourself enough, check out this free guide — 9 ways you are playing small…..and how to stop.

Susie Ramroop is a Transformational Coach specialising in growing self belief so you can play bigger in life and in business. She hosts a facebook group called Playing Bigger with Coach Susie Ramroop.