Dating Red Flags, swingers who would never commit to being monogamous and a few guys that had been to jail was not in my plan when I set off looking for true love during the years following my divorce.

I was attractive, worldly, smart, educated, successful, and everyone loved me.

So why would I get involved with these seemingly undesirable men?

The only answer that made sense and was confirmed over and over again by therapists, energy healers, gurus, friends and family was that I had low self esteem.

Collectively it was decided that I thought so poorly of myself that I had to date these undesirables to make myself feel better.

As an only child born under the Lion sign, I knew in my heart and soul it wasn’t true.
But the more people put that idea in my head the stronger it grew and then I actually started to believe it.

It wasn’t until I learned about conditioning of the mind, that a light bulb went off for me and I felt free from the sentence of ” low self worth”.

I did not have low self esteem rather my mind had been conditioned to accept and not question the behavior of these unavailable, heavy drinkers, non committal, liars and the jail time men.

They seemed normal to me even though their behavior was not in alignment with where I was and want I was creating for my life. I would eventually break up with them, I did not have low self esteem but I quickly realized that was normal to me was very not normal and I needed to recalibrate.

Using online dating to expose myself repeatedly to a new normal was the biggest gift online dating could have given me. I got the chance to meet tons of men over the years and practice some healthy relationship skills that I had not mastered in my early days of dating before I was married.

I reclaimed my power after confronting a man when things did not line up when he was at a business meeting then the next day he skipped and said he was with his kids.

I reclaimed my power when I told a guy that I was not interested in hearing any more about his ex at a dinner one night.

I reclaimed my power by blocking the unavailable men that just text you when they are bored because they want to see if you are there.

I kept practicing and got used to the men that were consistent, that said what they meant, made plans and effort to see me and were not afraid to call me two days in a row.

The available guys became my new normal and the beginning of my new and improved love story.