Mastering Holiday Stress with the Wisdom of the Three Brains: Insights from Christoffel Sneijders

The holiday season is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for many, it can also be the most stressful. The pressure to create perfect moments, manage complicated family dynamics, and meet heightened expectations can leave people feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. Add to that the emotional weight of grief, financial strain, or past unresolved conflicts, and the holidays can quickly turn into a time of anxiety rather than joy. Understanding how to navigate these challenges is crucial to fully embracing the season’s potential for connection and celebration.

To help unpack the stress and uncover strategies for a more fulfilling holiday experience, we sat down with Christoffel Sneijders, a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, executive coach, and author with nearly three decades of experience. Christoffel’s groundbreaking “three brains” framework—the head, heart, and gut—offers a unique perspective on how we process stress and how we can adapt to life’s unexpected moments. In this conversation, he shares practical tips and inspiring stories to help you navigate the holidays with grace, connection, and a renewed sense of purpose. Whether you’re facing tense family gatherings, unmet expectations, or the challenges of grief, Christoffel’s insights will empower you to find joy and meaning this holiday season.

Thank you so much for joining us, Christoffel! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?

Absolutely! I’ve been working as a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, and executive coach for nearly 30 years. During this time, I developed the “three brains” framework—the head, heart, and gut—that helps people understand how they think, feel, and react. It’s a transformative way to unlock potential by connecting to all parts of yourself. I’ve written books, hosted podcasts, and worked with individuals and organizations worldwide to help them live life on their terms. My passion is guiding people toward fulfillment, whether through overcoming challenges or achieving clarity about what they truly want.

Why do you think the holidays can be such a stressful time for people?

The holidays come with a lot of emotional and logistical baggage. There’s this idealized vision of what the holidays should be—perfect meals, joyful gatherings, and meaningful gifts. But reality often doesn’t align with these expectations. Family dynamics can be tricky, unresolved tensions resurface, and the absence of loved ones can make the season emotionally heavy. Add to that the pressure to “get everything right,” and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Ultimately, the stress often comes from trying to meet these unrealistic expectations rather than focusing on what truly matters—connection, love, and being present.

How do the “three brains” play into holiday stress?

Each of our three brains processes stress differently. The head brain craves structure, logic, and order. So, when things don’t go as planned, it can react with frustration or even panic. The heart brain thrives on emotional connection, so it’s more sensitive to feelings of rejection or loss, which are common during family gatherings or when remembering loved ones who have passed. Finally, the gut-brain focuses on control and achievement. It struggles when things feel out of control or when expectations aren’t met. By understanding which brain is dominant in a stressful situation, you can tailor your coping mechanisms to regain balance.

So, how can people better manage their expectations during the holidays?

Flexibility is the key. Instead of creating rigid expectations, ask yourself, What really matters to me this holiday season? Focus on those priorities and let go of the rest. For example, if the turkey burns or a family member shows up late, remind yourself that these things don’t define the day. Flexibility allows you to adapt and find joy in the moment, even when things don’t go perfectly. The holidays should be about presence, not perfection—being fully present with the people you care about and the experiences that bring you joy.

Do you have a personal story about adapting to unexpected holiday stress?

Absolutely. I once planned a diving trip to Bonaire, expecting sunshine and clear waters. Instead, a tropical storm hit, flooding the island and making diving impossible. Instead of letting disappointment ruin the experience, I decided to help the resort owners dig drainage channels to redirect the water. What could have been a miserable week turned into an opportunity for teamwork, connection, and gratitude. It’s a story I still look back on fondly. It taught me that our approach to challenges can turn them into meaningful and even memorable experiences.

What about family gatherings? How can we prepare for inevitable disagreements or differing opinions?

Preparation is key. Think about potential challenges beforehand and decide how you’ll respond. For example, if you know someone tends to bring up controversial topics, practice redirecting the conversation with neutral or positive responses. You can also set internal boundaries—remind yourself that their opinions don’t define you and that staying calm is more beneficial than engaging in conflict. The goal is to maintain your sense of self while respecting the group dynamic.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to use the holidays to reconnect and heal with family?

Reconnection and healing require vulnerability and patience. Start by focusing on shared values or positive memories rather than diving into past conflicts. If deeper healing is needed, consider having a one-on-one conversation instead of addressing the issue in a group setting. The holidays can be a great starting point for rebuilding relationships, but remember that true healing takes time. Approach these moments with curiosity and understanding, knowing that you’re planting seeds for future growth.

For those grieving during the holidays, what’s the best way to navigate those emotions?

Grief is deeply personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. If traditional celebrations feel overwhelming, create new rituals that honor your loved one while allowing you space to heal. Lighting a candle in their memory or sharing stories about them can be deeply comforting. Surround yourself with supportive people, but also allow yourself moments of solitude if needed. Remember, it’s okay to step back from festivities if that’s what you need. The holidays can be a time of both remembrance and renewal.

Type-A personalities often struggle with flexibility. How can they learn to let go a little?

Type-A personalities thrive on control and structure, which can make flexibility challenging. The first step is self-awareness—acknowledging that perfection isn’t the goal. Start small by experimenting with spontaneity or engaging in mindfulness practices. Therapy can also be incredibly helpful in learning to adapt. Think of flexibility as a skill that needs practice, like building a muscle. Over time, letting go of rigid expectations can lead to lower stress, greater adaptability, and more joy.

What role does gratitude play in managing holiday stress?

Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspective. When you focus on what you’re thankful for, it reframes your experience from one of scarcity to one of abundance. During the holidays, take a few moments each day to reflect on what brings you joy—a loved one’s smile, a warm meal, or even a peaceful moment to yourself. Gratitude isn’t just about making a list; it’s about truly feeling appreciation in the moment, which can transform how you experience the holidays.

What’s one quick tip you can offer for handling last-minute holiday stressors?

Pause and breathe. When something unexpected happens, take a moment to center yourself. Then, prioritize. Ask yourself, What needs to be addressed right now, and what can wait? Often, we overwhelm ourselves by trying to tackle everything at once. Breaking tasks into manageable steps helps you stay calm and focused, even in chaotic situations.

How can understanding the three brains improve relationships during the holidays?

When you understand the dominant brain of yourself and your loved ones, you can tailor your communication and interactions. For instance, someone with a head-brain dominance might prefer logical conversations, while someone with a heart-brain dominance might value emotional connection. Aligning with their needs helps create an environment where everyone feels seen and understood. This reduces tension and strengthens bonds during a season that’s meant for connection.

You have a test on your website that helps people identify their dominant brain. How can that help during the holidays?

The test is a fantastic tool for self-awareness. By identifying which brain—head, heart, or gut—dominates your decisions and reactions, you gain insights into your natural tendencies. This understanding helps you manage stress, improve relationships, and approach challenges with balance. It’s particularly helpful during the holidays, when emotions and expectations often run high.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

Readers can visit my website, 3brainsintelligence.com, where they’ll find the test and additional resources. I’m also active on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. I love connecting with people and helping them on their journey to understanding themselves better.

Thank you so much for joining us today and sharing these incredible insights. Your advice has been both practical and inspiring—not just for the holidays, but for life in general.

Thank you! It’s been a pleasure to share these ideas. I wish everyone a joyful, stress-free holiday season filled with connection and meaning.eas. I wish everyone a joyful, stress-free holiday season filled with connection and meaning.

Christoffel Sneijders is a renowned clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, and executive coach with nearly 30 years of experience in helping individuals and organizations unlock their potential. As the creator of the “three brains” framework, he empowers people to connect with their head, heart, and gut to achieve personal fulfillment and professional success. Christoffel is also an accomplished author and speaker, sharing his insights on emotional intelligence, resilience, and leadership. To learn more about his work or take his free brain dominance test, visit 3brainsintelligence.com.