I remember awakening on those May mornings, greeted by grief as naturally and instantly as the light calling me to start the day from beyond the shades of my eyelids, drawn shut an extra conscious moment longer, my heart clenched by the vast and yet ever so tight hold of sadness and loss. I had just said goodbye to a man I loved, and this would be the way I would wake up for months to come.

Sometimes, pain shocks and breaks and sickens and burdens. And if we rise to the occasion, it transforms us…just like that May forever changed me, breaking my heart to usher me into a blossoming of self love and unconditional acceptance, reveal my life purpose of sharing this love through my work and elevate me to a new way of living, being and creating.

Along the process, some key ideas helped me let go, feel safe in my body and emotions, and align my mind and feelings with my soul to move forward powerfully.

Releasing the identity of the love and focusing on the vibration, quality and unconditional purity of the love itself.

Sometimes we recognize our soulmates at a soul-level awareness because we’ve been connected in past lifetimes. Our love endures throughout our soul’s journey, and we keep meeting and teaching each other different aspects of self mastery under various circumstances and roles. In some lifetimes, we may have been married. In others we may have been family. I needed to release the attachment to the label of “boyfriend” or “person I thought I was going to marry” and instead cherish the energy of the love that knows no labels at the level of spirit. The relationship doesn’t die; there is still a life to it. But sometimes a soulmate isn’t the partner to fulfill a union that supports our lifelong purpose.

Appreciating how love relationships can be massive catalysts for bringing us into a deeper awareness of who we are, guiding us to our life purpose and consequently aiding us to blossom in ways we never have before.

When we can forgive each other for the pain caused from the breakup and we can sit in this love and gratitude, we can look back with awe at all the pieces that came together for perfect reasons to move us forward. From this perspective, we won’t wish things had happened in any other way. By focusing on our own self care, on creating a a blueprint for the life we are creating, and on serving as many people within our reach with our gifts, talents and abilities, we not only feel fulfilled as individual, whole people but can also open up to the way of a new partnership.

Becoming very clear on what we want out of a new partnership and keeping our standards on that vision.

The relationship we want can’t come in as long as we’re still holding on to the past or still dealing with wounds. Pain is not something to run away from; rather, when it comes up we can use it to provide momentum in our personal development, in our creativity and in manifesting our goals. In befriending our pain and transmuting it, we heal ourselves and make room for new love.

Giving ourselves space with our means of communication and contact.

The ones who hurt us are not the ones who are meant to heal us. Although it may not be either person’s fault, there is often much turmoil and pain experienced through a separation and breakup, and this is the part that we get to let go of. It doesn’t mean we can’t be amicable or that we can’t be friends in the future, but initially we need to create distance in order to heal and move on. Sometimes we fall in love so deeply that we feel almost inevitably, magnetically pulled to someone the second we see them again. Feelings we thought we’d resolved come flooding back, and we can feel powerless, sad and emotionally exhausted. We can be loving towards ourselves and look upon surfacing grief as another step forward towards growth, cleansing and freedom. Painful emotions come up so that we can deal with any unfinished business, and when we exercise our self control to take care of ourselves, the universe supports our healing by moving energy out of our way for fresh hope, renewal and fulfillment.

One of the greatest lessons I learned about relationships was how to be vulnerable and take care of myself at the same time. I worked with affirmations and energy healing to feel safe in my body and emotions, which empowered me to be myself with confidence. As an empath, I also learned to identify the signs of when I was taking on other people’s emotions as my own and where this process took place in my body so I could work with it and release it.

Romantic love has an incomparable ability to teach, open and elevate us when we relax into its pure and endless aspects. Though our human experience is speckled with sadness that sometimes comes with the cycles of endings and beginnings, I wouldn’t change a moment of it.

Originally published at www.desireelanz.com on March 30, 2017.

Originally published at medium.com