TL/DR:
- It’s easy to get discouraged when you focus on the gap
- Focusing on “the gain” restores motivation and self-esteem
- Moving goal posts hides real wins
- Shifting focus brings pride back
The Whole Shebang:
Have you ever felt like “How can I STILL be so far away from my goal?”?
You worked hard.
You’re making progress.
But you’re so frustrated because you’re not there yet.
But then, someone (maybe yourself) reminds you where you started.
And you’ve come a long, long way.
And when you look at it that way, you feel a whole lot better.
Right?
Right!
Why?
Because you’re focusing on the gain, not the gap.
Focusing on the gap (the difference between where you are now and where you want to be) can be incredibly demotivating.
You’re not there yet and you’re not sure how you’ll get there.
You’re frustrated.
You want to get there fast.
But you can’t move fast enough, no matter how hard you try.
However, when you focus on the gain (the difference between where you started and where you are now), you feel proud, empowered, and motivated.
You see the results of your efforts.
And if you got this far, you know you can keep going.
So, the next time you’re feeling a bit down on yourself, I want you to ask yourself:
Am I focusing on the gain, or the gap?
This shows up in a coaching a lot.
When my clients “graduate” in our last session, sometimes they come in feeling like “man, I wish I’d made more progress”, and then I pull out my secret weapon:
The list of goals they defined for themselves when we started working together a few months back.
And I read them the goals, one by one.
And then, pretty much without fail, a light flickers on, because they realize that, one by one, they’ve crushed their original goals.
They’ve surpassed them. Often by a lot.
So, why are they feeling like they’re not where they want to be?
Well, they’ve moved the goal posts!!
And they’ve focused on the gap.
Once we return focus to the gain, I can see them shift internally.
They start to feel really proud of all they’ve accomplished in the last few months.
They recognize that they have new goals because they’ve surpassed their original goals.
So, let me ask you?
- Where in your life are you feeling a bit demoralized?
- Like you’re not as far along as you “should” be?