I hear so many women talking about dating men. What it is like in this day and time. One thing continually pops up in our conversations. Most of them share that men talk about their ex’s, their broken hearts, past hurts with women. At times on the very first date. Certainly by the first several dates.
Fragilizng is what is being created. Men want to share with you they have an injured heart, they’ve suffered. Men are telling women on some level that they are fragile!
This is a method that has been used for a very long time. Men do not realize what that creates. They want sympathy and want the women to be easy on them. Actually, I’ve heard men say that out loud. Some women really like to hear how men have suffered from the women they have been with. They like to see a man open up and share his injured wounded heart!
This is creating dysfunction from the beginning. Women suffer too and they’ve had their hearts broken, been betrayed too. In this situation, the women are taking the strong position and being the therapist, the co-dependent, the coach to these men. If you are going to share this, make it reciprocal. Listen to her wounded heart too! Don’t act like a walking bleeding wound.
Fragilizing is not going to get you what you want. Unless you are looking for a co-dependent or parent-child relationship.
Men, when dating you need to keep your emotions in balance and you can share that your divorce was difficult, or your break up was hard to get over. Sharing it in the way that it is opening up your wound for the whole world isn’t being vulnerable it is vomiting. It’s oversharing and it is being done to find the kind of women that will ” fix you”, “heal you”. You are in essence saying you are broken and need to be saved.
In the long run, you will eventually resent this woman for it.
Heal yourself the best that you can. Don’t be ashamed to get therapy or coaching to heal these wounds before you pour out all your bleeding wounds on the first date or first several dates. What happens is the woman will believe you are fragile and subconsciously walk on eggshells around you because of your wounded self. You might see this as a positive until she disrespects you or treats you like a fragile child. She will not see you as strong, independent and capable of handling life or her.
By the way, this wounded man you are being is not your total self. You do have a strong side, a capable side, a compassionate side, a curious side ( about her) to share with her too. Don’t you?
Don’t make it about you being injured and fragile. Be careful what your subconscious is doing when you are dating. It might just land you in a relationship with your “mom” or ” your ex”. Get it? Everyone has been hurt in their lifetime.