“The modern myth of romantic love promises fulfillment, but delivers suffering when we mistake projection for reality.” ~ “We: The Psychology of Romantic Love” by Robert Johnson
“Animals are such agreeable friends — they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.”~ George Eliot
A revolution is sweeping through our society, particularly in urban hubs such as Los Angeles where I reside. More and more people are unable to find committed partners and are opting out of intimate relationships. As dating has become nightmarish due to daters actively seeking red flags and the “ick” factor, many people are turning to pets for reliable and less judgmental companionship. Adopting a pet has become a substitute for the intimacy, loyalty, and affection once expected from a human partner. Pets seldom ghost you.
The landscape of dating has been drastically altered by the Internet, increasing expectations, latent and blatant narcissism, fluid gender roles, and changing economic realities, namely inequalities. Scott Galloway coined the term “Porsche Polygamy” to describe the phenomenon wherein a small percentage of high-status — i.e., wealthy — men are receiving an inordinate amount of online romantic attention. According to Professor Galloway, the top 10% of men receive 80–90% of interest from women online, leaving the other 90% of men out of the running for finding partners. Based on the available data, a man needs to swipe 1,000–1,400 profiles in order to go on one date with a woman. That’s an enormous amount of rejection to endure.
This Winner-Takes-Most dynamic has led to a dramatic increase in what Prof Galloway calls “mating inequality,” resulting in one in three males under 30 in America not having sex (with another human, that is) in the past year, a statistic that reflects a broader retreat from romantic engagement and obviously a rise in “incels” — involuntary celibates. I won’t even mention the rises in pornography viewing and OnlyFans.
This phenomenon is equally frustrating for women for whom the pool of viable long-term partners is shrinking because many of the 10% of men they find attractive are having too much fun to commit to one woman. This perpetuates a cycle of unwitting hook-ups which often result in confusion and disappointment for my female clients who are looking to settle down. Women do not learn that they have engaged in a ONS (one night stand) until they get ghosted thereafter. To these women I advise employing the phrase, “I’m only comfortable having sex when I’m in a monogamous relationship,” which prevents them from fooling around, often unprotected, with men who have deep rosters of women who don’t mind making cameo appearances in their bedrooms.
The data on relationships is stark:
- Single-person households are on the rise. In 2023, nearly 29% of American households consisted of just one person, up from 13% in 1960.
- Young adults are delaying or forgoing partnership. The median age of first marriage is now over 30 for men and 28 for women and a growing share of young adults report no interest in marriage or long-term relationships.
- Marriage rates have steadily declined. In the United States the marriage rate has dropped by nearly 60% since the 1970s, reaching historic lows in recent years.
These trends are not simply the result of changing personal preferences. Economic pressures, the demands of business and busyness, and the paradox of choice fomented by dating apps all contribute to decimating dating as it was practiced before the Internet.
As traditional relationships falter, many people are finding solace in the unconditional love of pets. Here are the statistics:
- Pet adoption rates soared during the pandemic. Animal shelters reported record adoptions in 2020 and 2021 with some facilities temporarily emptied of animals for the first time in decades.
- Pet ownership has surged. In the United States pet ownership rose from 56% of households in 1988 to nearly 70% by 2024.
- Spending on pets has skyrocketed. Americans spent over $136 billion on their pets in 2022, more than double the amount spent a decade earlier.
This boom is not just about having a dog or cat for company, it reflects a deeper cultural shift. Pets are increasingly seen as family members, with owners investing in wildly expensive food, concierge healthcare, and pet insurance. Social media is awash with accounts dedicated to our beloved animals; pet-friendly workplaces are now selling points for employers. Have you noticed the ubiquity of “service” dogs now accompanying their fearful leaders to restaurants and on airplanes?
Pets provide the emotional support, routines, and sense of responsibility that once came from partners or children. They provide affection without the complications of human relationships, as well as a sense of purpose and daily structure. The convergence of mating inequality, a culture of fabricated self-importance, and an Internet that perpetually offers more-better-different has upended the traditional scripts for romance and partnership. In this new world, pets have emerged as both companions and confidants, offering comfort and compassion instead of criticism and chaos. As Prof Galloway’snotion of “Porsche Polygamy” becomes more pronounced and more people opt out of or are excluded from committed relationships, I imagine the pet boom increasing.
For those disillusioned with the current dating scene and exhausted by the emotional toil of perpetual tacit rejection and inexplicable ghosting, pets offer a form of affection that is reliable and rewarding.