Why how much you work does not define the mom you are.

Adele. I loved her acceptance speech. “Being a mom is hard”. I woke to her speech all over social media. I wished I would have watched it live, but to be honest, was fast asleep before the winners were announced.

Adele is a superstar, all the money and resources in the world. Lots would say this could buy her the help she needs. And yes, this is true. However, her son is hers. She’s the MOM. No amount of money changes how that feels inside you. She probably has a nanny, maybe housekeepers and maybe someone makes her meals. I have no clue. But I do know that she is a mom before she is a superstar. I do not know Adele, but I would bet that she doesn’t do anything without thinking of her son, and when her nanny goes to bed or is “off shift”, they let the day go. She doesn’t. She is a mom to her boy 24/7 wherever she is in the world.

I have a problem when people draw the conclusion that the amount of time spent with your children is directly related to how great of a mother you are. This statement works both ways. There are those who judge stay at home moms and those who judge working moms. But here it is. Do you love your babe and truly want what is best for them? Are you giving it your best shot and meeting all their basic needs? Do they know they are loved? Then you are a great mom. I don’t care if you work or don’t. It is not the point.

I am the owner of The Mama Coach. We have a full time nanny watching our children, while I work full time plus hours growing my business, and at the local hospital as a Registered Nurse. The nanny for my boys is an amazing person, and has been with our family for years. She cares for my children while I work. I know they are safe, fed, and loved. Sometimes, I come home from a long day at work, to find them already tucked in their beds, fast asleep. Oh, the guilt I can feel! I have made myself feel better by joking (although torn on the inside), that I was a fraud and that our nanny was the actual “Mama Coach”.

Image courtesy of Unsplash

I said this a few times and then started to think about it. I am not a fraud. I am their mom. I was letting someone else’s definition of “mom” upset me. Why should I let anyone else define what that means? When I am with them I give it my best. It’s not perfect, and some days go better than others. I do feed them dinner, do homework, try to play, craft, and laugh. At times, we struggle, and sometimes it’s seamless. Other days, I am working. I am not there, but I attempt to make sure they have what they need an have their life coordinated the best I can. Last week we did miss pajama day (why is there even a pajama day?), and had the days mixed up for the Valentine’s party. I have learned to laugh at the mistakes. The outcomes of my mistakes contributes to raising easy going boys. They know they are loved, and even when I disappoint them, I am their number one.

I love that Adele addressed motherhood in her speech. How much you work or if you work at all does not define you as a mom. You set those terms. Don’t buy into the judgment. Enjoy your children and your own definition of motherhood. Thanks for sharing your honesty, Adele. I hear you that it’s hard.

Originally published at medium.com