How To Deal With A Divorce
Divorce is a very ‘real’ and traumatic experience. After such a loss, your life changes dramatically. Many wonder how long they will mourn.
How long is the healing process during and after a divorce?
The answer depends on your ability to find acceptance, allow yourself to mourn, and reinvent yourself.
The reality is that you are no longer married; you are no longer someone’s husband or wife—and to many, this can be an identity crisis. Accept that you are now going to embark on a reinvention and that reinvention can be a positive one.
Step #1. ACCEPTANCE
Accepting divorce as a reality is an important step in the divorce-recovery process. Some people get stuck in the past. This can be especially true for the partner who was opposed to the divorce. Accepting that it is time to look forward will help avoid this divorce trickling to other areas of your life– such as your career.
Divorce is not the end to all things. Your children are still depending on you to financially and emotionally support them. Acceptance will help you become the victor and not the victim.
Step #2. LET YOURSELF MOURN
Give yourself time to grieve. Have a good cry and then say “goodbye.” It can be very difficult to accept that the marriage is over. Before a divorce, many couples try to make it work. They may even sign up for therapy. After you have done everything you can to save the partnership, and if it didn’t work, let yourself feel the emotions you feel in order to get over the divorce. Are you sad? Angry? Exhausted? Feel the burn and be sure not to bury yourself in negative habits or hide away for months. Mourning is part of the healing process, but it is one stage in the process.
Step #3. REINVENTING YOURSELF
Get re-acquainted with yourself. In reinventing yourself, you will have to learn who you are without your domestic partner. This can be an amazing moment in your life. When you are a party of two you are co-creating your life. But now you are now able to make different decisions and explore new ways to live your life and you will also have more freedom to make career choices.
In many cases, a distressing event can help us transcend what we thought was possible. Perhaps you have been stuck in a business that didn’t satisfy you? Start your life over beginning today and uncover all the opportunities that are available to you.
In the process of reinventing your life, celebrate being single or being a single parent. As a parent, you will find that you will be reinventing your parenting style. You will also learn how to form new relationships.
Step #4. SET GOALS
Cultivate a mindset of positive expectations because it will help you manifest positive outcomes. Remember that we all fall on our feet at some point, but it is our obligation to get back up and take the necessary steps toward progress.
Step #5. PROTECT YOUR JOB
It is understandable that you may not be your best at work. Some folks actually thrive at work through a divorce and others find it difficult to be their best.
Be honest about what you can and cannot do. If you are the type of person, like many, who need time to work through a divorce–speak to your boss or use vacation/personal time.
Once you have determined if you need the space to deal with your divorce, you should not beat yourself up for needing time away from work.
It is not that you cannot handle it all but that you wish to optimally perform at work. One step back and two-step forwards is often the best action.
With time, the grief will lessen. One day, you will appreciate the experience as part of your growth.
Good luck!