Understandably the holiday period may have left those recently separated or divorced feeling fragile, emotionally drained and anything but enthusiastic about making resolutions and planning for the year ahead, but instead of wallowing over what has been, use your separation as motivation to be the best version of yourself in 2020!

The New Year is a great time to set your intentions going forward so even if you are struggling, aim to set some simple goals that will help improve your quality of life and allow you to move forward in a positive way with clarity and purpose.

Avoid setting meaningless goals that you can’t commit to and that won’t serve you. E.g, if you set the same goal to lose weight or watch less TV every year and you never follow it through, then leave it out this year. Consider some of the following for a more harmonious you:

1.) Respect your Ex.

As difficult as it may sound do your best to treat your ex with kindness and respect. It will be better for you and your kids in the long run. This includes not speaking negatively of your ex in front of the kids. Call a friend if you need to vent.

2.) Avoid altercations.

If you feel yourself being pulled into yet another argument, take a step back and be the bigger person. Walk away or cut the conversation short. Constantly engaging in negativity is toxic and serves no one. It also makes your divorce recovery more prolonged than necessary.

3.) Stop Over-thinking.

It’s easy to re-hash and obsess about what went wrong and why, but the past is the past and you can’t control events gone by. Leave it behind you and use the lessons learned to help you move forward.

4.) Be Present.

Living in the moment allows you to truly appreciate those around you. Practice gratitude daily. Concentrate on all you do have and all the positive aspects of your life. Focusing on the past will only keep you stuck and in a negative state o mind while focusing too far into the future can fill you with fear and anxiety. What matters most is the here and now, so take it each day at a time and focus on doing what you can to move forward ‘today’.

5.) Focus on You.

The new year is an ideal time to focus on your needs and take time for yourself. Look at what hobbies or activities you enjoy that you can do more of or pick some new ones. Focus on what makes you the happiest and do that!

6.) Don’t isolate yourself.

Don’t dismiss the idea of ever meeting someone again. You may not be ready now but don’t let your emotions get the better of you causing you to hibernate altogether. Get back out there and be social when you feel ready but just make sure you are in a good place before taking the leap back into the dating world.

7.) Be Patient.

Give yourself time and don’t be too hard on yourself. This is a difficult transition so give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. Allow for your period of adjustment but just be mindful to avoid wallowing for too long or throwing too many pity parties that will only hinder your progress as you move forward.

8.) Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Utilize your support system. Everyone will want to help you! If you are feeling isolated or depressed, tell your friends and family and accept their help and support. Communicate clearly and tell them what you need from them. Join a support group for women in a similar position or seek professional help. You don’t have to do it alone and it’s not something to be shameful of.

9.) Take care of your finances.

Divorce isn’t cheap and it can be ongoing so it’s important that you are in control of your finances. Work out a budget, look at your outgoings, retirement plans, investments, etc. Knowing what you have and where you stand financially will help you make informed decisions throughout the new year.

10.) Set your intentions for the coming year.

They don’t have to be advantageous, but to create change you need clear goals and a plan of action in place.

Think about these 3 questions:

  • How do I want to feel this year?
  • What people have a negative impact on me that I should spend less time with?
  • How can I grow and develop this year?

Where do you want to be this time next year and what do you need to do to make it happen?

There is no better time to reevaluate your life and the direction in which you are going, so think big, because you have this amazing opportunity now to create your future.

Ask yourself; ‘Do I want to be in this exact same position, feeling the way I feel now, in 12 months’ time?’

Remember to set your goals and intentions for you and you alone and not because you are trying to prove yourself to anyone else. You should set your intentions with the goal of moving forward and the belief that you deserve the best because you are the best!