We’ve all probably been caught with ‘foot in mouth’ syndrome at some point in time!
Sometimes while it makes a good joke, there are some situations where in the “Heat of the moment” things are said that just cannot be taken back.
A zillion “sorry’s” don’t undo the words that once came out of our mouth. The situation, when played back, causes just the same pain & harm as before for some people, the thought alone, brings back the emotions as if they were in that situation all over again the words play back in their mind as if it was in the present. Sometimes, more than one person is hurt, sometimes people’s self-confidence, self-image is shattered,and sometimes because of such conversations relationships are broken’ beyond repair
Life is so resourceful, it gives us reminder, examples everywhere, so here is one to explain & demonstrate a better way
Because there ALWAYS IS a BETTER way ! so Imagine this, you decided to have a delicious, healthy soup one afternoon, threw all the veggies into the pan, set the fire up & let it simmer for a bit, threw in some herbs …yes yes we still on conversations, not recipes, follow me through this and finally, it was time to blend it all into a smooth consistency.
So you tossed it all into jar, but forgot to cool it before,& Vrooooooooom set it on, and the lid pops open, burn your hand probably & sprays across the soup all over the ceiling, the walls the jar. Leaving you with a messy room, nothing to eat & maybe a charred skin.
Now if we put this in perspective of a relationship what would it mean?
Conversations, are like ingredients, there are people, and each come with their own thoughts, emotions, triggers, belief systems & their state of mind in that moment.
Like ingredients, if it’s stale, unwashed, unpeeled it totally ruins a relationship.and then when we have the conversation, like turning the blender on with the steaming HOT contents – the temperature , like our state of mind it’s a MESSSSSSS.
A Mess, so massive that some people burn themselves, some break & ruin things around them, like say there was a pretty white curtain by the window , it’s going to be stained.
That innocent curtain has no role in the recipe, in real life could be a child, watching, listening, whose mind, heart & belief systems is stained.
Now not only is the soup undone, but there is more than 10 new tasks because we couldn’t wait for “to COOL down’
Like in making the soup, we would allow it to cool down a bit, in a conversation, its imp to COOL down , let all those thousand voices quieten down a bit, & then when it’s blended it’s a good soup, & all u get is what the conversation was meant for .
Now here is the key, u can’t keep the soup lumpy, sometimes we need a little additional water, sometimes fresh cream to create a smooth consistency, sometimes we throw in greens, as once hidden it’s not so ‘yucky’. So like water, ease the conversation, understand that it’s a perception & there might always be another side to a story. Like cream for a smoother consistency, add compassion to the conversation, allow space for another opinion, so there is mis-understanding so the result is always for the best for everyone involved.
Like the greens or wheat grass, or chia seeds, allow the truth to come through, it’s always good for us
a true conversation is a mix of love & truth & the allowance to BE able to be authentic
So mix it up, like new ingredients its ok to have conflicting views & ideas, BUT when in a conversation, clean & wash the ingredients – use the right language use the intent to find solution, not to hurt, and COOL down, as only a MESS can occur from a Heated conversation
Much love, & keep looking at life, there is always a message, some wisdom.
xoxo. Kim Shelar