Are you lacking clarity? Getting stressed out? Feeling like you keep running out of time? Or maybe even feeling like you are weighed down?
It’s time to TAKE A LOOK UNDER THE HOOD of what really goes on in your day-to-day life!
Stop blindly stumbling forward.
Start by taking a look at your relationships. Ask yourself these questions:
- Who are the key players in my life?
- Who is my tribe?
- How do I relate to them?
- How does this effect my choices?
But let’s backtrack for a sec. Why is it so important to understand your relationships?
They impact your ability to grow and change. They affect your level of clarity, your energy, your motivation, and your emotional state. We don’t operate out of isolated silos; we all have an effect on one another.
Get tired often? Are you easily distracted? Don’t feel like you are fulfilled?
Take a look at whom you are with. What’s your social construct? Why do you do what you do? Why are you with the people that surround you?
If you’re like me, you are constantly heading towards the next frontier and you know you need a tribe that allows you to thrive. You know you need a romantic partner that can support you in your endeavors.
So what can you do?
1) I recommend everyone build a personal board of advisors. Or as my friend, the fabulous Helen Cho, calls it, the Council of the Wise and Good-Looking.
I organize mine into 5 categories: Enthusiasts, Doers, Connectors, Mentors, and Skeptics.
- Enthusiasts are your cheerleaders. Full of love, life, and light, they are always happy to support you, but they sometimes might not be the most discerning thinkers.
- Doers help you keep your momentum. They collaborate on projects, remind you to keep working, and follow up to see how it’s going.
- Connectors are people that are easily excited about ideas and want to immediately put you in touch with others. They also like to stay in the loop to hear about results.
- Mentors are committed to help you grow! Find influencers in your field that are examples of what you hope to be.
- Skeptics will help you discover blind spots. Not to be confused with “haters”, skeptics have your best interests at heart and love to point out possible red flags you may not have considered.
Then there is my favorite non-category, the infamous Energy Vampires. They are time sucks, distractions, and guilt trippers. They are usually easy to identify. Think of people that make you feel heavy, icky, and weighed down. These are energy vampires that feed off others’ energy
Once you organize your social constructs into these categories, you’ll have a bit more clarity on who they are. Now let’s check out your part in all this. Remember, you have the most important role in managing your relationships.
2) Take a look at how to relate to them:
- Who do you ask for what?
- What is your expectation of them?
- How do you relate to them and why?
Do you ask your enthusiast for constructive advice you’d be better off getting from the skeptic?
Do you expect a skeptic to cheer you on and are disappointed with their lack of enthusiasm?
Is your social calendar filled with energy vampires, distractions, and time sucks?
What role does your romantic partner play in your life? Who are they in this construct? Does your relationship to this person allow you to thrive?
I know this is a tricky question, but if your relationship feels like a brick tied to your leg, it might be time to move on.
Just like we don’t want to get stuck working on an unprofitable dream, we also don’ t want to stick around in relationships that weigh us down.
Know how to say YES without resentment and NO without regret.
My 4 Step Solution:
- Get clear on who plays what role in your life, own your part in it, and shake loose that false sense of obligation that shackles you to unproductive relationships!
- Turn inwards and act from a place of integrity BEFORE making commitments. Make sure you start by feeling fully aligned with yourself. This will allow you to show up more fully to whatever you commit to do.
- Stop allowing yourself to be distracted by life’s passing drama and those who love creating it.
- Become a master of time — CLICK here to read about this
Now, that you have clarity and a Council of the Wise and Good-Looking, here are some important ground rules when asking for advice:
- Never argue your case!
- The only response to feedback you ask for is “thank you”.
- Collect the information and discern results behind closed doors. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it. NOBODY will give you feedback again if you argue with their opinion.
Got it? Try it! And let me know how it goes by visiting me at silviachristmann.com!
Originally published at medium.com