Question: Allana, I overheard three little boys at the library the other day. A little background, I was studying in the quiet area (no food or drink allowed) and these pre-teen boys were laughing, horsing around, eating loudly, and using inappropriate language. One kid made a comment that the teacher made him leave the classroom because he was being disruptive. The second kid’s question was: “Was he black”? Maybe I am ignorant but I do not see how the race of the teacher had anything to do with his actions AS a teacher if the child was being disruptive. The boys at the library were all Caucasian. What is your insight, especially with the current climate in the US today with race relations.
Answer: Sometimes being on the planet really hurts the heart, doesn’t it?
Preteen boys are a segment of the population that really require our guidance right now. I hired Mark Schillinger of ChallengingTeenageSons.com to support me during my most difficult times with my son. Mark‘s mission is to show parents and they’re challenging sons how to develop a more caring cooperative relationship by respectfully responding to each other‘s needs so the young men are better prepared for life of happiness and Independence. I recommend Mark’s coaching completely.
While my son was testing my boundaries, on the other hand he has been raised to embrace all cultures and I swear the boy doesn’t see ‘color.’ He’s one of 9 Caucasian young adults at a high school where there’s about 1000 African-Americans and he fits right in. However if a child hasn’t been raised to be curious and appreciative of diversity, then race and cultural differences are one of the first things to blame when we get triggered.
I was raised in Canada where our Independence Day, called Canada Day on July 1st, is a multicultural day of celebration of diversity. Additionally my mother was an ESL teacher and we were raised to embrace the unique gifts of different cultures from around the world. I’ve passed this point of view on to my son.
I’ve also noticed a group dynamic that occurs in preteen and teenage boys were the drive to be cool overrides presents and noble actions. Remember Lord of the flies?
For example, I remember back when my son was only 7yrs old. Two boys, the son of the shaman and the son of a personal growth leader, stole and hid his cherished stuffed bear. They were good boys from highly evolved homes. Yet it’s something about the dynamic of being together brought out this prank that really scarred my son.
It sounds like the boys in the library didn’t know how to process their emotions in a healthy way or didn’t want to take responsibility for their behavior and grabbed the first reason they could project blame… Race. It could be because they heard it from their parents, it could be the behavior of their peers.
Bottom line, be the change you want to see, yes? Show them another way by the way you behave. And when appropriate, speak up. Be clear and concise, be non-judgmental and free of accusation or superiority. Perhaps you could’ve simply walked up to them and stated 4 definitions with an open heart inviting a new point of you…
Diversity: the range of human differences
Inclusion: empowering people by respecting and appreciating what makes them different
Prejudice: preconceived opinion not based on reason or actual experience
Accountability: a willingness to except responsibility for one’s actions, whether you want to or not.
Smile, then walk away. You never know what can change your life… Thank you for your question, great love, Allana xox
Intimacy Expert Allana Pratt’s passionate devotion to her audience via her podcast, blog, and coaching sessions helps men and women reclaim their joy, freedom and personal power dating and in relationships.