It’s a primordial instinct to be part of a tribe. One of Maslow’s well documented needs. We want to belong. To feel love and a sense of connection. Community. Togetherness. Shared goals. Common purpose. It’s wonderful when we’re in sync with our gang and all moving in the same direction together.

Each Tribe Brings Different Fulfillment

Now each one of us has multiple tribes of varying prominence contributing to our sense of happiness and wellbeing. For my teenage daughter her school pals and online social community is IT. (Almost incomprehensibly so. Case and point: she had to do a presentation on something of sentimental value at school. Rather than take anything from her cute keepsake box, a lovingly collected (by me admittedly) mass of mementos since birth, she took some instagram photos of her school friends. I mean!). For my mother it’s our family, unequivocally. It’s the only group that matters and she relishes bonded contentment, harmonious fulfilment and suffers no void from a muted social life – who needs friends when you have family. For me and probably you, I have my familial tribe, my friends tribe, my work tribe and I’m now creating my well-being tribe (insert your passion/hobby/interest group). Each tribe brings a different sense of belonging and connection. A rewarding aura of commonality and deep reciprocal empathy. All of them are primeval in urge and surge, necessities to bring support and meaning to the daily grind.

Modernity Has Changed Things

The challenge in our modern, undulating lives with its pace, constant change, breadth of choice and boundless geographies is that it’s never been so hard to belong to communities with substance and longevity. Gone are the Victorian days of the street community. Gone are the days of the job for life. Gone is the solidity of love partnerships till death do us part. There’s volatility and flux everywhere. And this kinda messes with our heads, hearts and souls.

It Works Both Ways

You see along with our choice of which community to join or grow comes the choice of which tribes to reject, to leave, to scorn. Flip it round and you have of course the dreaded Outcast Scenario. The day when you are rejected by your tribe. When your company decides your contribution isn’t what the organisation needs. When your husband leaves you for a younger model. When the ‘in crowd’ want you out. When you just can’t break into an industry circle you believe you should be part of. Rejection is rife, an inevitable part of life and yes it hurts.

How to Soothe?

So how to soothe your soul through tribal rejection? How to makes sense of the destabilising closed door?

Our nature is to satisfy the primitive needs of belonging and to cling desperately, wistfully and rather pathetically to the group/person/tribe we’ve attached ourselves to. We become rather shallow, vulnerable versions of ourselves flailing around trying to plump our peacock feathers to prove we are still quite fabulous and they should be so lucky to have us in their gang. The corporate Outcast Scenario is particularly galling to witness. The extra graft, the over delivery, the perpetual feedback requests “Am I doing okay? What did you think of that?”. All vapid and cringe worthy because in our cut throat work worlds once you’re out you’re out.

Don’t demean yourself by wasting efforts on a tribe who are consciously, presumably heartlessly shunning you.

No, take heed. Take the hint. Get the picture. Get with the god damn awful programme. Open your eyes wide and move the hell on. This is the Epiphany.


If your tribe have shunned you, do not cling. The universe, higher consciousness, God, whatever you want to call it, is telling you this chapter has closed and it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. Don’t force what is now unnatural and painful.

Recognise the signals. Respect the circumstances. Move on out. And up. Move deliberately on up.

It does feel sad and it does bash your confidence so low you wonder how you’ll ever stop the tears from flowing and how you’ll ever pick yourself up again. But, my dear resilient, beautiful friend, you bloody well will. You are wonderful, perfect you and if that tribe doesn’t want or need you and your gifts there will undoubtedly be an even better, warmer, richly engaging tribe just around the corner waiting for your energetic, positive, passionate self to join them. It’s sounds like a cliché, but seriously it’s their loss. And your responsibility now is to detach emotionally, see the situation for what is is and move positively towards the better, more sparkly horizon.

Move On Up

So, when you’re feeling knocked, rejected and at odds with your tribe, step back, accept that tribe was just one chapter in your life journey, a fleeting moment that served a purpose and has now gone. It’s time for a fresh community where you’ll belong, flourish and life will be back being played on your terms. Never, ever forget life is a choice and you choosing who you hang with is essential to living life with joy. Go find ‘em and move on up!

Originally published at


  • Bianca Best

    Flourish with Bianca Best – writer, entrepreneur and manifestor dedicated to ensuring your life glistens with the work, love and vitality you desire.


    Hey! I'm Bianca! A writer, entrepreneur, mother and unshakeable optimist passionately devoted to ensuring your life glistens with the work, love and vitality you desire. Born with big dreams, a strong work ethic and fervent belief that life holds no limits, I’ve discovered how to unlock human potential.  Through my transformational ESCAPE™ programme, coaching, books, online courses, BB-TV, workshops, keynotes and retreats, I stratospherically catapult gifted individuals like you into the place you’re meant to be. I’m honoured to be a best-selling author and to work with leaders from Amazon to Snapchat, and to have personally learned wisdom first-hand from gurus such as Arianna Huffington. Blessed with abundance, I cherish 4 rapidly growing children, 3 businesses, and 1 English country home which is my creative and spiritual sanctuary. My life’s work represents a chronology of passions explored. From writing, to entrepreneurialism, to corporate leadership, to tech firsts, I’ve experimented, learned, grafted and always savoured the journey as much as the destination. Practice what you want to grow I’m fascinated by neuroplasticity and our ability to build skills that progressively enable us to achieve goals faster and easier. When we respect that life is about choices and consequences and choose concentrated cognitive focus, dreams become reality pretty quickly. Blend awareness of limiting beliefs, value systems, habits and behaviours with a personal definition of success, and you’ll strike gold.  The moment I clarify a goal (and I mean intricately define that tantalising something which has stimulated every cell in my body), and organise my habits, attitude and behaviour to thrust onwards towards it, giving it my unwavering attention, then life clicks into beautiful flow. I want this for you too! First Entrepreneurial Forays Coincided with 4 Baby Bests! After simultaneously blending a freelance writing career with exploratory post-grad advertising agency roles and stints as a presenter, I launched my first business in 2004 taking my creativity and resilience to new heights as I served global customers with a pioneering digital personalised gift company. I enjoyed an exhilarating decade learning that with the right focus, energy and vision anything and everything is possible. By the time I sold this business I’d welcomed 4 mini Bests confidently into the world too, including baby twins. What an unexpected (and time-management!) twist they gave to entrepreneurialism! I definitely live by the mantra “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” (and ironically still reflect on that first year juggling 4 children under 7 whilst expanding my company into an omni-channel franchise one of my most purposeful and joyful ever!)! Corporate Leadership Rigour I see life as a great big, fun experiment and every experience a moment of potential growth. With ‘intra-preneurialism’ now being invited into traditional business realms, I couldn’t resist a global leadership role in a large-scale corporate behemoth fusing my entrepreneurial passions with a legacy world. A truly invigorating opportunity! I’ve thus since set up a third millennium consultancy within WPP partnering with global brands such as Mars, CocaCola, Sony and Uber to accelerate digital transformation agendas amidst the volatility of today’s marketing landscapes. To say I love this work is an understatement, plus the output agendas and relationship dynamics all simultaneously add brilliant new depths to my coaching practice. Escaping the Whirlwind Decades back I suffered immune collapse repeatedly along my undulating, endlessly busy path and in June 2019 the World Health Organisation classified Burnout as a global epidemic. Too many of us have been, or are being, buffeted by life’s whirlwind at the expense of our mental and physical wellbeing. I created my science-based ESCAPE™ programme to combat exactly this. Through six powerful pillars I blend my certifications in coaching, hypnotherapy and NLP with my life experiences to empower ambitious individuals like you to thrive. It is possible to maximise impact without burnout and I show you how to respect your individuality and flourish. Which Brings Me To You Whether you feel stuck in a corporate rut, trapped in an unhappy relationship, constantly exhausted, overwhelmed by the sheer pace of modern life, frustrated by slow business growth, or beguiled by which way to turn next, I can get you moving, shining and smiling again. I’ll share every one of the mistakes I’ve made as I’ve fumbled and grappled and tripped my way through this game called life. Equally, I’ll share the ways I’ve succeeded in realising my own dreams and solving my own problems. It would be my honour to hold your hand through your next chapter and make that vibrant vision I know you hold in your heart a sparkly reality. I’ll give you the confidence to make decisions that are utterly transformational. You will up-level your life and become exactly who you’re meant to be. Let’s have fun together and make now the time you unleash your very best self!! Here’s to your future filled with the love, work and vitality you absolutely deserve! Lovingly yours, Bianca x