Are you feeling unsure of yourself?
Comparing yourself to others?
Hiding or afraid to really put yourself out there?
I used to be the same, lacking in confidence and keeping myself small and stuck.
I was not moving forward in my life and business. I was hiding behind boring posts. And often not showing up in front of my ideal clients at all.
I wasn’t standing up for myself either with my family, friends or clients. And I was being walked over. Taking on everyone’s problems and struggling.
I was really scared of what people would think if I stuck up for myself or started doing thing MY way. I was a people pleaser — trying to keep everyone happy but I wasn’t happy.
I never said no. And I didn’t know how to set boundaries.
I was drained of energy and keeping myself small and stuck. Until I realised the big mistakes I was making.
They are the same mistakes I see my clients making repeatedly.
Here are the biggest confidence mistakes and how to overcome them:
1. You Say You’ve Lost Your Confidence
You used to be confident, but now you’re not.
You feel like you’ve lost your confidence. And no matter what you do you can’t seem to get it back.
However, we are all naturally confident. We all have confidence naturally within us.
It’s just sometimes we forget to tap into it and use it!
It’s all a matter of decision. Today, choose to tap back into your natural confidence and use it.
You can step back into your natural state, where you are confident and shining brightly.
2. You Place Too Much Focus On Yourself
You are about to speak, hit publish or go live and then you start thinking: ‘What if I don’t do a good enough job?’
‘What if’ thinking as I call it is not useful!
You wind yourself up: ‘What if people judge me for how I look, sound…. What if I mess up my words, what if people don’t like what I’m saying…..’
And often we can almost talk ourselves out of doing something!
Instead change your focus and put yourself in the shoes of the person you want to help by sharing your message. They really need you to solve their pain/problem.
They are stuck, lost, in lack and they need you…. They are waiting. And they will only know you can help them if you put yourself out there.
Taking the focus off yourself and putting the focus onto those who need you, is a great way to get you moving forwards.
It’s so much easier to put yourself out there, when you forget about trying to do it perfectly and just say what you need to say.
You stop keeping yourself small. And start making huge progress.
3. You Overthink Every Tiny Detail & Focus on Your Fears
You have an event coming up and you start thinking about what could go wrong.
You focus on your fears and the ‘What if’ thinking starts again.
Ask yourself: ‘What is the worst that could happen?’ Then ask: ‘So What?!’
Keep asking yourself this question until you have said aloud all your fears.
Remember FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.
You can acknowledge, thank and release each fear. Just let each one go.
Then make a plan for your event, prepare and just do it!! Hit publish, go live, hit record or speak.
It does not need to be perfect to have an impact! Just share.
It’s always so much better than we think it will be in our heads.
And remember that everyone you are talking to wants you to do well. They want to learn and they will appreciate you.
Focus on those you are helping. Get out there and share your unique message now.
If not now, when?
4. Lack of Self-Belief & ‘Comparisonitis’
This is something I see repeatedly. And I used to do it too.
You talk yourself down and out of doing things. You don’t realise just how good you are and how much you can give to your ideal clients.
You know a lot more than you think you do!
Give yourself credit for everything you have done, everything you have learnt and everything you bring to your ideal clients.
Write a list of everything you can offer them.
And stop comparing yourself! We’ve all done it. You see what everyone else is doing and then you start to doubt what you’re doing.
Because it’s different or not the same. That’s a good thing! You are unique. You have your own unique experiences, your unique life lessons, and your unique message.
You are the best person to help your clients.
OWN it!!
Being who you are. Showing the real you. Being honest and showing up authentically in your life and business is more than enough.
When you speak from the heart and do the best you can that’s what your tribe wants.
Energetically there is no competition.
Showing up as you is the very best thing you can do.
You have what it takes and everything you need is already inside!
When you start believing in yourself, then others will believe in you. Our outer world reflects our inner world.
Go for it and share your unique message. Your clients are waiting!
5. You Don’t Recognise Your Own Potential
We often focus on what we haven’t done rather than what we have.
Always thinking we need more training and more qualifications or that we should be better…. This can keep us stuck as we think just one more course, qualification….
Yes, it’s great to learn and I personally never stop learning.
But you can start serving your ideal clients right away.
And continue serving as you build on your knowledge and experience.
Here I encourage you to look at those around you, and realise you do know more than those around you about your subject of expertise.
You are an expert in your field.
And remember, you only need to be a few steps ahead of your ideal client to be able to help them.
You are the best person to help them, because of your unique story, experiences, and message.
Again, you can write down all you can offer your client and how you can help them with their transformation.
6. You Have Fake Confidence & Attach Your Happiness To Outcomes
If you have fake confidence, this means you’re attached to outcomes.
You’re only okay and feel happy when you get certain results and when things unfold in the way you expect them to.
But when things go wrong, you go to pieces. Your confidence and self-worth are linked to everything you do.
When you have real confidence, that comes from the solar plexus. You know you are okay NO MATTER WHAT. No matter if you fail, or what is going on around you.
You are detached from outcomes. And are open to letting things unfold in their own time and in their own way — often not the way you expected.
You KNOW everything is always working out for you. And you stand confidently in your own power.
Become Aware of Your Unhelpful Patterns & Instead Own Your Uniqueness
The biggest mistakes we make when it comes to confidence that keep us small and stuck are: Not recognising we are all naturally confident; placing too much focus on ourselves; focusing on our fears; comparing ourselves to others and doubting ourselves; not recognising our potential; and being attached to outcomes.
It is possible to step back into our naturally confident selves, if we make that choice to do so.
We can increase our confidence by shifting our focus to our potential clients, recognising how much we have to offer, releasing our fears, owning our uniqueness and detaching from outcomes.
What are you going to commit to today? If I can do it so can you ?.
Originally published at medium.com