Why do negative thoughts stick like glue, while positive ones slip away? Why a single critical comment can overshadow ten compliments? Or why it’s so hard to just relax and enjoy the moment? The answer lies in our factory settings.
As humans, we come preloaded with software designed for one primary goal: survival. Our ancestors’ survival depended on being hyper-alert to danger—whether it was immediate threats, environmental challenges, or social conflicts. That’s why our brains are hardwired with negativity bias—naturally focusing on risks, problems, and what’s missing rather than what’s going well.
Here’s the deal—our brains are running on outdated software. It’s time for an upgrade. Most of us aren’t dodging predators or scavenging for food anymore, yet our brains still act as if we are.
Outdated Settings That Hold Us Back
Let’s look at a few examples of factory settings that no longer serve us—and how to override them:
- Comparison as Survival Tactic
Our brains ask, Am I doing better than them? because in the past, falling behind could mean danger. Today, it just fuels self-doubt on Instagram.
Override it: Flip the script. Instead of scrolling and comparing, ask: What’s one thing I crushed today? - Negativity on Loop
Our brains focus on the worst-case scenario because it once kept us alive. Now, it just keeps us stressed.
Override it: Write down three things that went well today. This simple practice shifts our brain into solution mode. - Perfectionism Overload
Striving for perfection may have once helped us fit in, but now it often holds us back.
Override it: Forget perfect. Get it done, get it out there, and move on. - Fight-or-Flight Reactivity
Our ancestors needed to react fast, but today, hitting “reply” in a panic isn’t helping.
Override it: Pause. Breathe. Take 30 seconds to think before responding. - Avoiding the Unknown
Fear of uncertainty protected our ancestors, but now it keeps us stuck.
Override it: Uncertainty isn’t the enemy. It’s the doorway to everything amazing.
Ctrl+Alt+Delete: Simple Resets for When We Need Them
Sometimes, we just need to hit reset. Think of these techniques as our Ctrl+Alt+Delete functions—quick and powerful tools to regain control when life feels overwhelming:
- Breathing Techniques:
- Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. Repeat for a calming reset.
- Deep Belly Breathing: Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Inhale deeply through your nose, feeling your belly rise, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
- Grounding Exercises:
- 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This brings us back to the present moment.
- Feet-on-the-Ground Check: Sit or stand still, feel your feet on the ground, and focus on the connection to steady yourself.
- Physical Resets:
- Stretching: Roll your shoulders, stretch your arms overhead, or do a gentle forward fold to release tension.
- Movement Breaks: Take a brisk walk, dance to your favorite song, or do a few jumping jacks to re-energize.
These simple actions can help interrupt the cycle of overwhelm and give us a fresh start.
Optimizing Happiness
Important note—overriding our factory settings isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about embracing all emotions, appreciating what fits the context, and having the agency to shift when it makes the most sense to do so. We optimize our happiness by cultivating awareness of our emotions, making intentional choices that align with our values, and practicing gratitude to reinforce positive connections.
Happiness Isn’t Preloaded—It’s Configured
Happiness is something we customize ourselves by making conscious choices to override old patterns and reconfigure our mindset for thriving.
The exciting part? It’s entirely possible. Our brains are adaptable, thanks to neuroplasticity. With practices like gratitude, mindfulness, and focusing on meaningful connections, we can reset our settings and create a life designed for joy.
How to Start Customizing Our Settings
- Notice the Good:
Train our brain to see what’s working by identifying three good things each day. Use the Bold Gratitude DIY Dice for variety—two different dice provide 36 unique prompts that help us be even more specific in noticing the good. - Reframe Challenges:
See obstacles as opportunities to grow instead of threats to avoid. - Embrace Bold Gratitude:
Gratitude isn’t just about noticing the good—it’s about expressing it and sharing it. By noticing, evolving, and thriving through connections, we reconfigure our settings to become our best selves.
Reboot and Thrive: A Bold Gratitude Reset
Stop waiting for your brain to update itself. Hit Ctrl+Alt+Delete, reclaim your power, and start thriving—now. Taking control of our mindset means meeting ourselves with compassion, especially in tough moments. More importantly, it reminds us that happiness is not out of reach; it’s a skill we can cultivate.
By customizing, overriding, and reconfiguring our factory settings, we can move beyond survival mode and step into a life filled with joy, gratitude, and connection.
In Bold Gratitude,
Lainie