It is not strange to hear that quite a larger percentage of the world population lives with some sorts of poor self-concept, where it is believed that you are someone who is less important and less dignified than any and every other person walking the surface of the earth. All of these things are products of going places we ought not to go in our heads.
It is your head and your haven, yes, but, there are some places in there that ought be left shut and kept sealed immediately your cursor starts navigating in their directions. It is okay to not know how it begins, but, once you realize you have started to open those compartments, call back yourself and retrieve the lock. Where are these places?
The major reason you see yourself as “less” than every other person, you know it? It is the same “comparison” that you assume you cannot avoid completely, and it is from the compartment that houses the most dangerous of self-destructive instruments! Yes, it is only one of the numerous compartments in your head, but, it really is from amongst the places you shouldn’t go in. When you realize the importance of keeping some compartments out-of-bounds, are able to work successfully towards actualizing that goal, you will invariably be able to explore the other compartments that house the essential ingredients for a self-fulfilled life.
Until you get to that point where you are able to stop yourself from comparing yourself to any other person, wishing for another person’s life instead of the one you are living, admiring others and debasing yourself, seeing yourself as a failure beside every other person you seem to ever come across: talk of “the grass appears greener at the other end”, whereas, it is only reality that the grass isn’t greener at the other end, no matter how farther you look; it is only a product of your perspective.
That place in your head where comparisons stem from, where low self-esteem stems from, where self-hate or blame stems from, where dissatisfaction with your life stems from, where ingratitude stems from, among other things that contribute to stopping you from believing in yourself and aiming for the maximal attainment of your potentials are places that should be sealed off completely!
How do you Ensure you don’t go to these Places in your Head?
We have established that there are indeed places you shouldn’t go in your head, but, we might as well admit that it is not a feat that can be achieved in just a moment of decision; it is a process that requires our active dedication and involvement. Hence, I will be discussing six of the most important measures to implement in sealing off those places:
Know Yourself: this is a no-brainer, right? The major reason you cannot stop comparing yourself to others is that you do not “know” who you are and what makes you “YOU”. Hence, it is essential that you give yourself the chance at this awesome first step to realize your strengths and weaknesses, your hobbies and talents, your flares and pitfalls; just study yourself to identify your own uniqueness. It is expected that when you know the essential qualities that make up your unique self, you are able to avoid going to those places in your head that make you feel as if you are “all bad” or “low” as compared with everyone else.
Forgive and Accept Yourself: upon knowing who you are, it is essential that you accept what you find of yourself; the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. Wishing for some things to be different might be from among the worst thing you would be doing to yourself; while it is beautiful to seek to make necessary changes to make you better, it is even more important that you understand where the border stands in seeking improvement and sinking in self-disappointment. In the same vein, you need to forgive yourself for whatever you have done wrong previously, wrong decisions you have made for yourself; just let the ugly past go so that you can grasp the present in seeking a more fulfilling future. More than any other person, you need to forgive yourself and stop revisiting the chapters of your life where the flaws have become manifest to you and you have “changed”; this is from amongst what makes you assume that others have “clean” slates or at least “cleaner” slates as compared to yours, whereas, the only difference is that you know more about “you” than about “others”.
Do forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made and accept yourself moving forward.
Focus on your Strengths and Address your Weaknesses: identifying the places you fall short in might be a great discouragement, right? Especially when every other person around seem to find it relatively “normal” to just do those things you cannot do. Now, you do not have to do that to yourself: everybody has their own talents and potentials, and, as a popular author said “the fish will live its entire life believing it’s stupid if we expect it to fly whilst it can do extraordinary in swimming”. So, you see? You’re probably not giving yourself enough chance to identify your strength, or, you downplay the areas you’re awesome at because you feel the people around you don’t appreciate your own type of talent. It doesn’t have to be so, I say it again. You need to focus on your strength in building yourself and your self-esteem, you need to trust that you’ve got elements of greatness and can break boundaries too… then, you need to address your weaknesses and get better at them in order to further boost your confidence! That is just the way to it! And that is why I refer you back to the first point: know yourself and appreciate what you find!
Keep a Beautiful Circle of Friends: this might come off as rather unnecessary, but, we all know that the times you have to explore those places in your head are especially those times you have to yourself, right? We are social animals and can never overemphasize the importance of friends and significant others in our individual lives. Here, I will emphasize that you make sure to keep friends who see greatness in you and believe in you, even when you don’t seem to believe in yourself, friends who would motivate you towards greatness, friends who would “force” you to stretch limits and reach for your true potentials, friends who would accept and appreciate you for who you really are.
Many of us get it wrong when it comes to choosing friends, well, because we failed in knowing our own selves and end up mixing with just about anybody who comes around with an offer of friendship. Now is the time to reconsider all of those whom you have around and see which and how many of them are really deserving of being called your friend: who cares about you enough to realize things about you that you don’t even tell them? Who cares about you enough to pick up a form in your name and dare you to not win, simply because they believe in the potentials that even you don’t see in yourself? Who cares enough about you to remain with you in your lowest moments and listen to you express yourself in rambles and breaks without pushing you for more details or judging your any wrong or mistake?
Do you have the kinds of friends who would ensure you keep open only those compartments in your head that will help your growth and developments, whilst making you rarely, if at all, go to those places that need to be shut off? Now is the time to make sure you roll with the right crowd!
Accept and Appreciate Compliments: it might be funny, but no, many of us find it rather difficult to accept compliments, and instead, we would rather believe these people are actually flattering or buttering us up. You know for yourself that it is true; how can you accept someone calling you great when you see yourself as the lowest of the lowest? Again, point one remains very essential in helping us to know our onions. Calm down and relax when someone throws a compliment your way, don’t just start going places in your head about how “anyone” would have done “better” than you did: the sky is wide enough for every bird to maintain their individuality, right? So, yes, the earth is wide enough for every one of us to maintain our individuality and do our own “best” in our various personal spheres. So, next time someone throws you a compliment, take it in, smile and appreciate it: it will really go a long way in making you believe you are really “capable”, and, you are encouraged to do better next time.
Have a Realistic Goal: finally, yeah? This will be a product of every other thing put in place; considering your interests, attitude, aptitude, talents, hobbies, likes, and dislikes, set an attainable goal for yourself. This will serve to give you a sense of direction and purpose in life, a sense of authority in your life, and a motivation to meaningful achievements. Having a realistic goal helps you to maximally plan your activities to make the most out of your time and resources, and as such, you tend to subconsciously seal out the doors that lead to those places you shouldn’t go in your head.
This should help you live better without the consistent nagging at the back of your mind from the insecurity that results from wandering through those places… try them out and welcome awesome changes in your psychological processes and emotional maturity.