It’s been almost 3 months since I kissed corporate life goodbye (well, almost) to start my own business, and it feels great to be able to finally do something for myself that is creative and challenging at the same time.
That said, I’ve found myself feeling a little down lately. About what? I didn’t think I was sure until I realized that I’ve been in mourning.
For the last 12 years of my working life, I’ve focused on building a career for myself. I’ve focused on climbing the ladder, working the long hours, and kissing a lot of butts to ensure I got to the next level. More specifically, the last 4+ years of my most recent life at Burberry were spent giving my blood, sweat, and tears to my team, and everything that goes along with it.
I didn’t realize how much my job had defined me until now.
I’d been so focused on being a successful recruiting leader that I think I forgot how to be a successful Tiffany Dyba. The powers that be clearly saw it before I did, as I wouldn’t be sitting here blogging for my own business otherwise. I have spent a lot of time thinking about things such as “Who is going to give me accolades now when I do a good job?” I have found myself starting to type an email to my former team to help them gain clarity or direction on something, only to stop myself; I’m no longer their boss. Even casual dinnertime chatter with my husband has often pivoted to me regurgitating the latest exciting campaigns that have launched, or recent articles that I’ve read about Burberry. I’m still so proud of the brand.
This whole process has been just that — a process. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past three months really redefining success for myself. I have to keep reminding myself that while I might be in mourning over my former life, that doesn’t mean the next chapter can’t be amazing. Self-motivation and self-praise have become new friends as I begin this new life. I have left behind my completely old identity, one I was always proud of or fulfilled by.
So from here on out, I’m starting fresh.
I’m a blank canvas and ready to assume my next identity as me. Not Tiffany the Recruiting Leader, or Tiffany who works in fashion, or even Tiffany the entrepreneur. My new identity will be a work in progress, but focusing on getting back to things I love and am passionate about. I’ve let my career lead the way for far too long.
So, folks here you have it. R.I.P to the Old Tiffany.
I would like to bury the feeling of never being good enough. I would like to bury the feeling of competing with everyone else, but namely myself. I would like to bury the need to feel important at all times. I would like to bury the feeling of feeling satisfaction after answering so many emails late at night and allowing that to equate to success. I would like to bury the feeling of being far too critical of myself when I didn’t get a project/email/interaction 100% right. I would like to bury the feeling of self-doubt after the project/email/interaction that didn’t go 100% right. But most of all, I would like to bury the fear that I will never be as successful as I want to be.
Amen.
Originally published at tiffanydyba.com