Create a Common Vision — Having a shared vision of what you want your relationship to be can help eliminate stress. When both partners agree about values, expectations, and goals, there is less conflict and more harmony. Creating a shared vision involves discussing what you want your relationship to look like in the future and making a plan to achieve it.
With all that’s going on in our country, our economy, the world, and on social media, it feels like so many of us are under a great deal of stress. Relationships, in particular, can be stress-inducing. We know chronic stress can be as unhealthy as smoking a quarter of a pack a day. What are stress management strategies that people use to become “Stress-Proof? What are some great tweaks, hacks, and tips that help reduce or even eliminate stress? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, and mental health experts, who can share their strategies for reducing or eliminating stress. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Railey Molinario.
Railey Molinario, a renowned Love Educator & Relationship Coach, has dedicated her life to guiding individuals to break free from cycles of generational trauma and ignorance. With a remarkable journey from abandonment at birth to a six-figure boss, she inspires others to develop the skills and knowledge needed to create empowered lives through her teachings of relationship intelligence. Railey’s inspirational journey has been featured on prominent platforms such as the BBC, Medium, and Brainz magazine. As a respected thought leader, Railey provides the world with tools and techniques to cultivate thriving businesses, relationships and lives.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
My father abandoned me as an infant, leaving me to sleep in the snow. As a child, I experienced abuse and neglect from my mother and stepfather, leaving me feeling unloved and unworthy. These traumatic experiences left me in a self-sabotaging state, haunting me into adulthood.
In college, I fell in love with a man who seemed too good to be true, and I was right. He was a con artist who lived a double life, leaving me with financial ruin and depression. At sixteen, I went home to make it alone, but my lack of emotional and relationship intelligence soon caught up.
But I refused to give up on myself. I knew that I was not unlovable just because I had never experienced true love. Instead, I turned my pain into purpose, studying for over ten years and became the world’s first Love Educator. My journey taught me how to communicate effectively, build trust and respect, and cultivate deep joy. With my newfound knowledge, I wondered how anyone was supposed to know how to create thriving relationships if no one had ever taught them.
Realizing relationship intelligence’s vital role in our societal well-being, I made it my mission to provide the world with the tools and techniques many lack. By empowering individuals with understanding, compassion, and connectedness, we could create a more empowered society, one relationship at a time.
And so, I embarked on a journey to spread love and knowledge, using my experiences to help others. I became a beacon of hope for those who had lost faith, inspiring them to believe in themselves and their ability to create meaningful connections.
My story serves as a reminder that no matter how difficult our past may be, we all have the power to transform our pain into purpose and positively impact the world.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
If I had the chance to meet my younger self, I would be eager to share the valuable lessons I’ve learned about relationship intelligence, especially regarding self-awareness and self-management. Learning these lessons at a younger age would have empowered me to approach my relationships more self-assured and positively.
I would encourage my younger self to develop a deeper self-awareness, embracing my emotions, thoughts, and behaviours as a powerful tool in understanding how I interact with others. I would share the importance of reflecting on my values, strengths, and weaknesses, which would guide me in making better relationship decisions. And with an understanding of my emotions, I would have been better able to manage them effectively and prevent them from controlling my behaviour, empowering me to approach my relationships more confidently and authentically.
Secondly, I emphasize the importance of self-management in relationships, encouraging myself to take responsibility for my actions, communicate effectively, and set clear boundaries. With a deep understanding of myself, I would be better equipped to navigate challenging situations with empathy and manage conflicts healthily and constructively. I would remind myself that it is essential to be accountable for my mistakes and willing to learn and grow from them. Overall, these lessons on self-awareness and self-management instilled in me a sense of empowerment and self-confidence, inspiring me to build stronger and healthier relationships in all aspects of my life.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
I feel truly blessed to have a husband who has been a constant source of inspiration, motivation, and support throughout our journey together. He has been my rock through thick and thin, offering compassion and understanding when I needed it the most. With his patience and unwavering love, we have built an incredible life filled with joy, success, and fulfilment.
Together, we have created a life that many only dreams of. We have built thriving businesses that have supported our family and allowed us to impact the world positively. Our relationship has been a foundation for us to pursue our passions and create a life that aligns with our shared values, expectations, and goals.
My husband’s determination, creativity, and kindness constantly amaze me. His unwavering belief in me has given me the courage to pursue my dreams, and his steadfast support has been my driving force in reaching my goals. Our love and commitment to each other have allowed us to overcome any obstacle that has come our way, and it is the fuel that drives us to continue building a life that inspires and empowers others.
In a world that can often be challenging and unpredictable, I feel incredibly grateful to have a partner who has been my constant source of inspiration and support. He has shown me what it means to Love unconditionally and to support one another in achieving our most significant potential. I am excited to continue our journey together and see what we can create next.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I am thrilled to be working on a university speaking tour in the United Kingdom that will inspire and empower the youth to cultivate thriving relationships personally and professionally. As someone who has experienced the consequences of a lack of relationship intelligence education, I am passionate about bringing awareness to this critical topic.
When I ask people when they learned how to have successful relationships, they often realize that they have never been taught. This lack of education has left many people feeling lost and unsure about building and maintaining healthy connections. But by shining a light on this topic, we can transform the lives of young adults and set them up for a lifetime of fulfilling success.
Our tour will provide the knowledge and tools needed for young people to understand the dynamics of relationships and how to communicate effectively with others. We want to help them realize that relationships are not just about finding the right person but about developing the skills to navigate the ups and downs of any connection both, personally and professionally. We want to create a ripple effect of positive change in the world by inspiring and empowering the youth.
I am honoured to participate in this tour and look forward to seeing the impact we will make on the lives of the people we encounter. Together, we can create a world where relationships are not just something we stumble upon but a skill we all have the power to cultivate and nurture.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about stress. How would you define stress?
Stress is a natural and shared experience from various life sources, such as work, relationships, and personal circumstances. It’s essential to recognize that stress can be both a challenge and an opportunity for growth. When we experience stress, we feel a sense of tension and pressure that reminds us to pay attention to our emotions and take action to benefit our well-being. This can be an opportunity to practice self-awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience, which can help us to navigate challenging situations more effectively.
While stress can trigger physical and emotional responses such as increased heart rate, irritability, and difficulty sleeping, it’s important to remember that we can manage stress by practising self-care, mindfulness, and positive coping strategies. By recognizing the signs of stress and taking proactive steps to work on it, we can turn stress into a catalyst for personal growth and transformation.
In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. So what has led to this chronic stress? Why are so many of us always stressed out?
In this rapidly advancing world, stress has become an all-too-familiar companion that haunts people of all ages. It’s a complex issue affecting many individuals, often due to the lack of mastery over self-awareness and self-management. People tend to overlook the thoughts that shape their lives, leading to an unintended negative impact on their mental and physical well-being. This reactive behaviour is widespread, and it stifles their potential for growth and progress.
It’s no secret that modern life can be pretty demanding and exhausting, which makes it even more crucial to manage our emotions effectively. Unfortunately, when individuals fail to regulate their emotions, they may fall prey to anxiety, depression, and other debilitating conditions that significantly reduce their quality of life. That’s why it’s crucial to cultivate self-awareness and self-management skills to live a more fulfilling, healthier life.
So, let’s take a moment to reflect and tune in to our inner selves. Let’s embrace our emotions, recognize our thoughts, and respond to life’s challenges with clarity and confidence. Let’s be the masters of our thoughts and feelings and live the life we deserve! With practice, we can build a better relationship with ourselves, which will help us make stronger connections with others.
What are some of the physical manifestations of being under a lot of stress? How does the human body react to stress?
Stress is a natural response to challenging situations, but if it persists for long periods, it can cause a range of physical manifestations in the human body. Some of the most common physical symptoms of stress include headaches, muscle tension, digestive problems, changes in appetite, insomnia, fatigue, elevated heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, weakened immune system, and skin problems. These physical symptoms can significantly impact an individual’s quality of life and ability to function effectively.
The human body reacts to stress by releasing hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which trigger the “fight or flight” response. This response prepares the body to respond to a perceived threat, which can lead to physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and blood pressure, rapid breathing, and muscle tension. While this response can be beneficial in short bursts, chronic stress can cause these physical symptoms to persist over time, leading to more severe health problems. Therefore, it is essential to manage stress effectively to prevent its negative impact on physical health.
Is stress necessarily a bad thing? Can stress ever be good for us?
Stress can be a source of inspiration and motivation when faced with life-threatening circumstances. How our bodies react to danger by releasing adrenaline and other hormones can help us become alert and ready to take swift action. This heightened awareness can empower us to think and act quickly, with purpose and determination. Rather than seeing stress as a negative experience, we can shift our perspective to view it as a powerful tool that can help us to rise to the occasion and overcome challenging situations. By tapping into our inner strength and resilience, we can channel the energy of stress into a positive force for good.
Is there a difference between being in a short-term stressful situation versus an ongoing stress? Are there long-term ramifications to living in a constant state of stress?
The experience of being in a short-term stressful situation versus ongoing stress can be quite different. The pressure is usually acute and intense in a short-term stressful situation, such as a tight deadline or a sudden conflict with a colleague. However, once the problem is resolved, the stress usually subsides. On the other hand, ongoing stress, such as a chronic health condition or a toxic work environment, can be constant and long-lasting. Continued pressure can be more insidious, as it can be harder to identify and address. It can also have a cumulative effect, with the stressors increasing over time and potentially leading to physical and mental health issues. Overall, while short-term stress can be overwhelming at the moment, ongoing stress can have more long-term consequences.
Let’s now focus more on the stress of relationships. This feels intuitive, but it is helpful to spell it out in order to address it. Can you help articulate why relationships can be so stressful?
Relationships can be a source of immense joy but also incredibly stressful. This stress often stems from a need for relationship intelligence as we learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships. We tend to mimic the relationship patterns we witnessed growing up, implement bad advice we receive from family and friends, and practice behaviours we see in the media. This ignorance can create significant stress in our relationships as we struggle to communicate effectively, navigate conflicts, and build a strong foundation of trust and respect.
Our lack of relationship intelligence is due, in part, to the fact that we need to be taught the formula for success in our relationships by our parents or schools. Instead, we are left to learn independently, often through trial and error. This can be challenging, as we may repeat the same mistakes repeatedly. This can create significant stress in our relationships as we struggle to figure out what we are doing wrong and how to fix it.
In addition to mimicking the relationship patterns we witnessed growing up, we also often implement bad advice we receive from family and friends. This advice can be well-meaning but may need to be more helpful and practical. We may also practice behaviours we see in the media, such as overly dramatic or aggressive communication styles. These behaviours can create tension and stress in our relationships, as they may not be aligned with our partner’s needs and preferences. Ultimately, our lack of relationship intelligence can cause immense pressure in our relationships, making it challenging to build strong, healthy connections with our loved ones.
Can you help spell out some of the problems that come with the stress caused by relationships?
Relationship stress can take on many forms, but one of the most common is fighting. When partners argue and bicker, they can create tremendous stress and tension. The constant conflict can cause emotional turmoil and physical strain, leading to a breakdown in the bond between partners. Communicating effectively can become increasingly challenging as pressure builds, further exacerbating the problem. Over time, the stress can become too much to handle, leading to the ultimate breakdown of the relationship.
The breakdown of a relationship can be incredibly stressful, especially after a prolonged period of conflict. The emotional toll of a breakup can be devastating, leading to feelings of sadness, anger, and disappointment. It can also create significant uncertainty and anxiety about the future, as individuals may struggle to imagine life without their partner. In addition, the stress of a breakup can ripple effect on other areas of life, such as work and friendships, further compounding individuals’ challenges.
Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 stress management strategies that you can use to eliminate stress from your relationships?” Please share a story or example for each.
1. Master Relationship Intelligence
The first step to managing stress in your relationships is to educate yourself. We now have scientific research that explains what makes relationships succeed and fail. Learning to communicate, understand each other’s needs, and build intimacy can significantly reduce stress. Mastering relationship intelligence involves learning about emotional intelligence, attachment styles, love languages, and effective communication techniques.
Example: Stable marriages have a 5:1 ratio of positivity to negativity during conflict, whereas in unstable marriages, the ratio is .08–1. This means that even during conflict, the positivity in the overall relationship outweighs the negativity, providing a buffer. (Source: https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/)
2. Create a Common Vision
Having a shared vision of what you want your relationship to be can help eliminate stress. When both partners agree about values, expectations, and goals, there is less conflict and more harmony. Creating a shared vision involves discussing what you want your relationship to look like in the future and making a plan to achieve it.
Example: You and your partner can sit down and discuss your shared values and expectations for the relationship and conclude how these will show up. If you value communication and connection, how will you speak with one another, even during conflict? How will you connect even when you’re both busy?
3. Practice Interdependence
Interdependence means having a strong sense of self while nurturing your relationship. In a healthy relationship, both partners have their interests but rely on each other for emotional support and companionship. When partners practice interdependence, they learn how to balance their individual needs with the needs of the relationship.
Example: You can carve out time in your schedules for independent self care, focusing on those activities you enjoy doing alone. Find a balance between spending time together and pursuing individual interests.
4. Utilize the Power Couple Technique
The Power Couple Technique is a problem-solving strategy that helps couples move from problem to solution with effective communication, understanding, partnership, and peace. This technique involves creating a safe environment to discuss issues, stating the problem needing resolution, understanding how each partner views the subject, and brainstorming ways to solve the problem.
Example: If you and your partner are having difficulty agreeing on how to handle household chores, you can use the Power Couple Technique to work through the issue. Create a safe environment by setting aside time to discuss the issue. State the problem clearly and listen to how your partner views the issue. Brainstorm solutions together and choose one to try first. Check in with each other to see if the solution is working, and if not, try another solution.
The Power Couple Technique
- Create a safe environment
- Each person states the issue needing resolution (do you agree?)
- Each person states how they view the issue.
- Each person explains what outcome they desire (do you agree?)
- Together, brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Make a list.
- Pick one you would like to try first. Begin to solve the issue.
- Check-in with each other to see If the issue has been resolved. If not, pick another possible solution. Repeat this process as many times as needed until you find a solution that works for both of you.
5. Implement the Power Couple Weekly Checklist
The Power Couple Weekly Checklist is a tool that helps couples stay organized and focused on their relationship goals. This checklist involves organizing your family agenda, adding to your to-do list, creating a weekly shopping list, having a couples’ coworking hour, scheduling date night, and performing a weekly relationship review.
Example: You and your partner can use a shared app like FamilyWall to keep your family agenda, to-do list, and shopping list organized. Set aside a specific time each week to have a couples’ coworking hour where you work together to accomplish tasks on your to-do list. Schedule date night once a week and use this time to connect physically and emotionally. Perform a weekly relationship review by asking each other the following six questions.
1. What was the best part of your week?
2. What was the most difficult or stressful part of your week?
3. Is there any way I can make the next week run more smoothly for you?
4. Was there anything I did that bothered you this week?
5. What did I do to make you happy this week?
6. What are you most looking forward to for next week?
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
Les Brown’s motivational videos have been a transformative experience for many people, including myself. Listening to his powerful words of encouragement and wisdom helped me shift my mindset and rewire my brain for success. Brown’s messages centre on the idea that success is achievable for anyone, regardless of background or circumstances. By watching his videos, I learned to believe in myself and my ability to accomplish my goals. As a result, I have lived a more empowered and joyful life with a newfound sense of confidence and purpose. Brown’s teachings have genuinely been a game-changer, inspiring me to become the world’s first Love Educator and relationship coach.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I am thrilled to be spearheading a movement about Relationship Intelligence Education! By prioritizing our relationship skills, we can unlock the key to true happiness and success in our personal and professional lives. It’s time to empower ourselves with the knowledge and skills to build stronger, healthier relationships and create a more connected future. By implementing Relationship Intelligence Education into our school systems, we can give our youth the tools they need to navigate the complex world of relationships successfully. I am inspired by this movement’s potential to impact our society positively and lay the foundation for a happier, more fulfilling future. Let’s unite to prioritize relationship intelligence education and build a brighter future for ourselves and our communities!
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
I’m here to help you achieve personal and professional relationship success. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook by searching for my name, Railey Molinario. On my website, www.raileymolinario.com, you’ll find many free tools and techniques to help you implement relationship intelligence in your life. Whether you’re dealing with communication or trust issues or want to improve your overall relationship skills, personally or professionally, I’m here to provide you with the guidance and support you need. Additionally, I run a contest on my website where you can win one month of personalized coaching. Enter your email into the popup window on my site for a chance to win. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.