Happy comes home on Monday. #thankgod #lovemypuppy #cantwaittoseehim
I worry a little bit about being able to keep up with him while I recover. His energy is off the chain! But everything I do is better with him by my side.
Like our trip to San Diego.
Happy and I spent so much time at the beach. We walked for miles and miles together.
We LOVE walking. San Diego is a walking town—you can literally walk everywhere you need to go.
You want to go somewhere in Dallas, Texas, you get in a car.
It’s a different lifestyle completely.
In a recent post, I talked about how I’m not even sure what I like or want anymore.
But in thinking about this trip with Happy, I remember some of the things I truly enjoy:
Walking. The beach. Rollerblading. Skating. Dancing. Biking. Hiking.
So why the f*$% am I living in a space that caters to none of that?
I have been here for 16 years.
And I’m just now realizing that I have built my whole life in a location I didn’t choose.
I live here because I got a job here.
I don’t love Dallas. I don’t dislike it, either, but I didn’t choose it.
I made my life fit into the confines of my job.
Nothing here feeds my spirit.
I’ve made it work. I didn’t stop to make sure I like it here. I didn’t check to make sure it pleases me. I wasn’t worried about it forwarding me, in this life.
I am 47 years old.
And when I take a step back to look at my life, I’m disappointed with it.
It’s hard to explain. (Walk with me?)
It’s not a bad life.
It’s reactionary.
Again, I came to Dallas for the job. But it’s ugly. Flat. The opposite of lush. It’s just a whole different thing.
And I stayed because of the job, and because I was in love. I got busy doing life.
But I didn’t choose it. Can you feel that?
I fell into it. And I’ve LEARNED to love it, yes—but I didn’t choose it.
So effectively, I did not choose my own destination.
And I’m pretty sure that’s because I didn’t have the confidence in ME that I would have needed to create the life I wanted first … and fit a job into IT.
These are the thoughts that keep me awake at 3:00 am right now.
And the question becomes …
What do I do now?
Do I have everything I need inside of me to choose a new destination?
To stop being disappointed … and start being truly fulfilled?
What might that look like for me?
Right now, there are only questions.
And I feel like I’m just here sitting in a corner … waiting for the dragon in me to BECOME me.
Venus Opal