“We can’t change other people, but we can always take responsibility for our own growth.”
– Carole Hodges
Some years arrive quietly. Others alter the course of a life in a single season.
For Carole Hodges, multiple upheavals converged within a short span of time: financial collapse, the end of a long marriage, and the devastating loss of her eldest daughter to suicide. Years later, a house fire would erase nearly everything she owned. Each event demanded a reckoning—not only with loss, but with the question of how to live forward when certainty disappears.
Rather than allowing crisis to define her identity, Hodges chose a different orientation: presence over panic, responsibility over blame, and a willingness to rebuild from the inside out.
Rebuilding Without Being Introduced by Loss
In the immediate aftermath of her daughter’s death, Hodges made a deliberate choice to keep moving. She returned to work quickly, not as avoidance, but as a way to protect her dignity and sense of self. Silence, she later reflected, gave her room to rebuild without being reduced to her grief.
That quiet period allowed her to establish routines, competence, and stability before sharing her story publicly. Healing, for her, wasn’t performative—it was private, paced, and deeply human.
Grief as a Narrowing—and Then a Reopening
Grief reshapes perception. Hodges recalls a moment, two years after her daughter’s death, when she suddenly noticed the blue sky again—an ordinary detail that had been absent from awareness for years. Loss, she learned, narrows attention; recovery begins when the field of vision slowly widens.
Presence returned not all at once, but in fragments. Each fragment signaled a reconnection to life as it is, rather than life as it was.
The Power of Language and Meaning-Making
One of Hodges’ most significant insights came from recognizing how language shapes experience. Naming events strictly as facts—without the stories layered on top—created space between what happened and who she was becoming.
That shift didn’t erase pain, but it loosened its grip. It allowed her to relate to the past without being governed by it.
Responsibility Without Self-Blame
A recurring theme in Hodges’ story is the distinction between responsibility and fault. In relationships, in grief, and in rebuilding, she discovered that growth begins where control ends. Trying to change others only prolonged suffering; working on herself created freedom.
This insight became foundational—not only personally, but in how she later supported other women navigating midlife transitions.
Support That Doesn’t Ask for Words
During the most fragile periods, support didn’t arrive as advice or solutions. It arrived as a presence. Hodges describes what she calls “pass-the-Kleenex” support—people who sat with her without needing explanations.
That kind of witnessing, she believes, often sustains more than conversation ever could.
Midlife as an Unscripted Chapter
Hodges’ experiences reshaped how she viewed midlife—not as a gentle plateau, but as an unscripted chapter that invites reinvention. Expectations gave way to discernment. What mattered became clearer: honesty, alignment, and choosing the next step rather than the entire map.
This reframing also influenced how she approached relationships, dating, and faith—less efforting, more listening.
When Loss Clears What No Longer Fits
After the house fire, Hodges and her husband were forced into an inventory of everything they owned. Listing what was gone brought clarity about what truly mattered—and what didn’t.
Living temporarily elsewhere created space for reflection and learning. In the absence of familiar structures, new insights emerged about fear, simplicity, and intentional living.
Courage Practiced Early
Looking back, Hodges sees how earlier acts of courage—like stepping onto local theater stages despite shaking hands—quietly prepared her for later upheavals. Acting in the presence of fear became a transferable skill.
Life, she reflects, trains us long before we know why.
A Philosophy Rooted in Inner Authority
At the heart of Hodges’ work is a simple belief: people already carry their own answers. Sustainable change doesn’t come from being pushed, but from being supported in listening inward.
That process often begins with a pause—a breath, a question, and a willingness to take one honest step aligned with what matters now.
What Remains
Hodges’ story isn’t about overcoming loss as much as it is about living alongside it without surrendering agency. Resilience, in her experience, isn’t forceful. It’s attentive. It grows from presence, faith, and repeated choices to move forward with clarity.
When life breaks open, she suggests, the work isn’t to rush the repair—but to notice what’s asking to be rebuilt differently.
