Intimacy means different things to different people.

You may have an intimate relationship that is sexual, or a non-sexual intimate relationship. You may have a sexual relationship that is not intimate, or a non-intimate, non-sexual relationship.

Platonic relationships can be emotionally intimate without sexual involvement. To make a long story short, there are endless combinations of intimacy between people.

And that is why intimacy can be complicated and confusing, even when both people are on the same page with the type of relationship it represents.

Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

Relationship norms are changing. An estimated 25% of millennials are predicted to abstain from marriage throughout their lifespan.

Open relationships (an agreement that both people in the relationship are free to have sexual interactions with people outside of the relationship) constitutes about 4-9% of the population.

The broadening understanding of gender identity and increased acceptance of varied sexual preferences is part of a larger, more complex theme.

As we begin to understand that gender, sexuality and intimacy is multi-faceted, it opens our eyes to the spectrum that exists.

A lifelong commitment to intimacy with one person may feel like the norm for one couple, while the same circumstance may cause another couple to feel dissatisfied and stuck.

There is no specific ‘right answer’ to a successful intimate relationship.

It is a deeply personal journey two people need to take; first individually, to explore one’s own needs, and then with one’s partner to be sure that the needs line up.

Communicating About Intimacy

For a couple to sustain a relationship and remain satisfied with intimacy, communication must be a priority. Communicating about intimacy needs requires a willingness to be vulnerable with your partner.

Ask and answer the following questions to determine whether you are at a similar place regarding intimacy:

  • How can I best show you affection and intimacy so that you feel loved?
  • What do I need from my partner to feel intimately connected?
  • What are some physically intimate behaviors I can provide to make you feel connected to me?
  • What will help us become more emotionally intimate and connected?

Intimacy Awareness

One of the important tasks in recognizing your intimacy style is paying attention to the cues you are receiving in daily life. Are there aspects of your partner’s needs that you can easily attend to?

Simple gestures such as hand holding or a backrub can increase emotional intimacy.

Try to get in-tune with the way your partner responds to your physical touch and ask what your partner likes or needs in the moment.

Pay attention to the way your partner’s physical and emotional presence impacts you and express that openly.

Rather than assume your partner understands what you think or feel, try to be more expressive.

Physical and emotional intimacy can be nurtured in loving relationships.

Improved intimacy levels can change the quality of a relationship when both people are able to express their needs with honesty and vulnerability.


  • Dr. Teyhou Smyth

    Performance Coach, Adjunct Professor of Psychology, Keynote Speaker, Licensed Therapist (#115137)

    Living with Finesse

    • Do you want to live life with finesse?
    • Do you want to be the best version of yourself?
    • Do you want to reach your full potential?
    • Do you want better work/life balance?
    Discovering the diversity of human existence can be the catalyst you need to begin transforming your life. Many of us have found mental and emotional wellness through self-awareness and unconditional self-love. However, self-discovery can be a challenging process. This is especially true among individuals who feel pressured to conform to perceived expectations regarding job performance, cultural background, or gender identity. Even the highest functioning people can struggle to maintain the self-care necessary for overall well being. Living with Finesse series will help you work on: - Developing emotional intelligence and resilience; - Strengthening professional and personal identity; - Avoiding performance anxiety and fatigue; - Coping with high expectations, personal and professional; - Stress Management and avoid corporate burnout; - Addiction issues and impulse control; - Understanding one’s own gender and cultural identity; - Depression/Anxiety; - Life Transitions. - Relationship Issues