In the season of fall, how about we learn to fall in love with ourselves first.

Beauty was so so simple, pure and natural in nineteenth century. Little did Edgar Allan Poe know that beauty few decades later will be easily altered and tailored to perfection.

First the role models for beauty will be photoshopped, filtered, retouched and constructed by professionals.

Then women will do crash diet to reduce to size zero. Followed by urgent attention of wrinkled and drooping skin. Botox and plastic surgery will come to rescue, followed by skin rejuvenation and white, straight teeth. A picture perfect fake look!

Is this trend a personal choice or mandatory obligation to fit in?

An attempt to please our inner doubts or the insecure society in general?

Is it a norm or a pressure to look put up all the time?

Who are we trying to please and impress? Men who can easily get away with scars, wrinkles, rough and tough outlook at any age?

Or are we in a competition to get the handsome prince to marry?

Is this handsome prince worthy enough?

Imperfections used to give character to people, hair curls and texture, those not too straight teeth, moles, wrinkles and freckles.

Frequent expressions used to leave laughter and frown lines. The wrinkled hands and faces of much older people were signs of deep love, wisdom and affection.

It was when relationships were cherished more than looks. The times when Simplicity ruled.

Many many years back, when marriages were arranged, It was a trend of insecure mothers to look for a daughter in law, who was not very pretty, for the son will not be madly in love with her. That way, the mother will have more hold over her son.

Besides, not toobbeautiful girls were considered very faithful and obedient. It was so convenient to suppress them by making their imperfections a weakness.

Some times later the boys started to make a smart move. A compromise on looks was too much to ask.

So the insecure men decided to marry pretty women, but took over the role to degrade and humiliate them in such a way that they never realise their potential and self-worth.

Sometimes, it was their size and weight in question, at others the dressing. Followed by her time management, socialising and house keeping.

Poor girl had a struggle to deal each time for not being perfect on such high standards and moral obligations.

In rare cases, a true partner decided to live with someone for reasons of love, respect and values.

When the superficial and powerful beauty diminished in a few days time, what stayed was regard, faith and commitment which made the couple age gracefully together.

If beauty is healthy eating, active lifestyle, staying clean and somewhat being groomed it is always healthy.

Yet when it moves to another level of pleasing others, it becomes slavery. We shape the gods and goddesses of beauty, the unreal, fake and insecure standards and try our best to impress and please them.

We starve ourselves, feel suffocated, wander endlessly to seek help, in some cases over eat and get depressed all in sacrifice for these gods.

None of these bring happiness to us in the long run. What’s next? What more? Now what? These questions keep coming as a follow up plan of beauty quagmire.

For once I wish that no one judges me from my outer shell. I have more to myself then my looks and my appearance.

It gives me freedom to think and be. To have intellect, empathy, caring heart and self-confidence.

I love the beauty that surrounds me, I love nature, it is the difference in mighty mountains, floating clouds, trees, flowers and waves of water that give the real harmony to the whole scene.

It is our differences that make us unique. It’s the reflection of what we think inside that radiates outside.

Equally beautiful are the four seasons and four stages of life.

I do not like the plastic, expressionless, fake look for me when I grow old.

For I know, people who deserve me, will stay with me, they will not weigh me down every now and then.

These loved ones will not overlook my beauty and stick on my imperfections each time, rather they will have the vision and insight to accept me unconditionally.

It is for this reason that ‘beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’.

It is my personal choice to accept myself, to fall in love with myself first. I need to address moments of my self-doubt and self-hate.

So I don’t leave the key of my approval and my happiness in hands of others. I wish my daughters realise too, that ‘changing yourself without losing yourself is growth.’

Like lions, for whom they say have washed and fearless faces. Confident, serious and radiant. They are leaders and no one questions their self worth.

When we choose to run after catching up with outer beauty, there will always be someone more beautiful than us.

When we choose to work on our emotional and inner beauty, we become precious for it is rare.

Love me or hate me…….. I am pleased with myself and how my creator made me.

If I need to prove to you each time…

You will lose me.

Originally published at