Re-wilding is a term used in environmental circles to refer to bringing a location back to its natural state of health and vitality. Re-wilding, however, doesn’t just apply to our environment. We can re-wild societies, businesses, families, couples, and even individuals. They all benefits from coming back to their natural state of wild.
The term wild is often misunderstood. It has become associated with meaning something extreme and violent like when nature is seen as scary and dangerous. The wild is demonized and seen as out of control and crazy. It is also associated with promiscuity like the way wild is used in the Girls Gone Wild franchise that shows college women baring their breasts and going ‘wild’ on spring break.
When Angus and I refer to re-wilding relationships we are not talking about this amped-up version of wild. We aren’t referring to going crazing and becoming out of control. We are exploring how relationships flourish when the individuals in the relationship strip away their limiting beliefs and conditioning and come back to their natural state of innate health and vitality. It is a journey of unlearning and letting go in order to return to what is natural and innate.
In general, people are afraid of their natural state. They fear if they don’t manage themselves they will be awful people and not get anything done. They worry that their worst traits and characteristics will be amplified if they let go and stop controlling, and improving themselves.
The opposite, however, is true. All of the pressure and stress it takes to control and civilize ourselves brings out our worst. Our natural state is love and compassion. When we are awake to that we do not cause harm to ourselves, others, or our environment. George Monbiot in his book Out of the Wreckage shows how new findings in psychology, neuroscience, and evolutionary biology cast human nature in a radically different light: as the supreme altruists and cooperators rather than selfish opportunists.
We have forgotten who we are. It is time to remember and uncover the truth that lies within each one of us.
Do this for yourself and the natural by-product is your relationships will benefit.
I heard a metaphor years ago that referred to self-help as putting a layer of nail polish over manure that is covering a diamond. The manure is the bull sh*t conditioning we have gathered over the years. The misunderstandings and beliefs that look real and true to us. The kind of thinking that tells you you are unworthy, a fraud, not good enough et… We all have it to some degree. And then we come up with coping mechanisms to try and cover up the shame of our crap. There are an endless number of ways to try and distract ourselves from the stink and the shame that is the result of believing the crap and making meaning of it. These ways are the nail polish. It requires constant maintenance and never really works. It is exhausting.
The alternative, however, is to look to the diamond. To find it in the pile of crap. To forget about changing the crap or making it look better. Instead, ignore it. Let it fall away by itself as you look to the diamond, the truth of who you are: a diamond covered in crap.
There is no end to our human conditioning, but the beauty of looking in the direction of the diamond is in recognizing that the diamond and the manure are made of the same stuff just in a different form. There is no need to cover any of it up. All of who you are is lovable, worthy and good enough. All of who you are is divine. There is no real separation and difference between your spiritual nature and human nature. They are both the same substance. Seeing allows the freedom to not change any of it and be grateful for it all. Relaxing into your innate natural state of wild allows you to be with what is without needing to change it or resist it. It also allows the expression of your divine nature to come through more easily so you experience more fully the love and understanding of your true nature reflected in your life.
Re-wilding relationships is about coming back to what is true and real. It is about waking up to what is natural and allowing that to flourish so more love and understanding gets expressed. Re-wilding does not require you to manufacture anything or work on yourself, it is the natural outpouring of your being that cannot be tamed or controlled. Just like a flower will find a way through concrete, your true nature is constantly being expressed. Experiencing your natural state allows you to dissolve the concrete of conditioning around your own heart so the love can pour forward more freely and easily. This generosity of spirit is natural and it feels good.
Angus had a client recently who said it felt good to be unkind. That is the misunderstanding of the short term buzz of satisfaction that comes from indulging righteousness. It is like a painkiller that numbs suffering temporarily but still allows the source of pain to continue and spread. The more you look in the direction of protection and coping mechanisms the more your suffering becomes magnified. Unkindness is a misguided attempt to escape the discomfort of our own pain through polishing over the feelings of our shame and hurt. Distraction through aggression or hostility can feel more comfortable and empowering than simply being with the experience of what is. The initial vulnerability and fear of just being real without defenses is, however, worth it when we wake up to the source of suffering being our own unwillingness to be still and relax into our untamed natural state. All resistance to ‘what is’ engenders more pain by distancing you from your true nature and amplifying your feelings of separation from your essence of love.
Your re-wilded state is vibrant with love and that feels good. You don’t need to work at getting there. You are love. You can relax into your untamed self, let go of all of the managing and controlling, give yourself a rest and return to your natural state of wild. Become curious about who you are underneath all of your conditioned thoughts and behaviors. See what gets revealed to you. And as you allow yourself to be re-wilded, notice how the relationships in your life effortlessly flourish as a result.
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their full potential. She is a transformative coach, leadership consultant, a regular blogger for Thrive Global, and author of the short-read Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) available on Amazon. You can get her free eBook Relationships here. Rohini has an international coaching and consulting practice based in Los Angeles helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. She is also the founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality, and the Teachings of Sydney Banks. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and watch her Vlogs with her husband. To learn more about her work go to her website, rohiniross.com.