As I sit on my couch reading my book to relax after a few days of being very ill, I realize that I struggle with being present. My mind is rapidly shifting from thought to thought with a loud, “Shame on you! You should be at work!” My mind is scolding me for being weak. But I can’t move. At my doctor’s order, I am to rest and not return to work for up to 5-days. Regardless, I feel a knot in my stomach full of guilt for not going immediately back to my busy work schedule.
As I sat there, I began to reflect on how consumed my days were before getting sick. Days filled with over-scheduled work weeks, exhaustion, very few breaks– sometimes none at all, and poor eating habits were what a week looked like for me. While ill, I felt incredibly helpless, weak, uncomfortable, sore, and mentally drained. In some way, my body was turning itself inside out. And relocated what my internal symptoms were –mental and emotional signs of illness and communicating them outward in the form of physical symptoms and spiritual thoughts. If I felt so deathly ill and going to work could potentially risk passing it on to my colleagues, why did I feel so guilty about being home? My theory is my lack of self-compassion.
This philosophy is something I’ve recently learned from my therapist, who shared an intriguing article on the topic by psychologist and researcher Kristin Neff. The report, written by Neff titled “Self-Compassion: Why it Makes Us Happier.” If a thermometer for self-criticism existed, my reading would be at the very top. But, unfortunately, it would read overly critical, approaching burnout.
To my own detriment, I struggle with accepting that being home and giving my body and mind the time to recuperate doesn’t make me less qualified or dedicated. In fact, it makes me equally or more qualified. I learned from the experience that being aware of what my body needs and vocalizing it is a very mature and bold quality. And, as a result, no one, not even my boss, will have doubts about what I am capable of doing. Furthermore, by recharging and giving my body ample time to rest, I am allowing it to make room for more thought. As a result, I will perform better than if I had kept going at only thirty or fifty percent of my body and mind’s energy level.
I don’t work at a company with stringent rules on taking breaks, isn’t sympathetic to one’s health, and doesn’t allow sick days. Instead, it’s the complete opposite. If not encouraged, a support system of work-life balance, personal days, and good mental health and stamina to do our best are all accepted. I know that not all employees are so fortunate to work for the type of company and in an environment that isn’t abased or dehumanizing. For you, I say, remember, you are human, and you are doing your best.
My piece of advice to you is if your commute to work consists of a bus or train ride, a walk, or driving a car, use that time for you. I, too, have days when getting to work feels draining. Then, I follow a brief exercise. Then, upon arriving at the office, I take a few minutes to breathe in some fresh air and remind myself that everything is okay.
Your mental clarity and wellness matter. When you’re feeling alone, and if time permits, take a look outside and know that you’re not alone. There’s a vast world out there that wants you and needs your contribution.
From personal experience, self-compassion doesn’t come easy. It takes work to know when to push through the challenge that comes with reminding myself that I am doing my best and then take time to slow down and exhale. This past week was the first time in a long time that I allowed myself to do that. So, to you, reader, I ask, please, don’t wait until you’re too ill to function, and appreciate your health. Whether it’s 5 minutes or five days, it’s your time, so take it and own it. Then, use that time to give your body and mind the kindness to remedy and recharge.
Tips for Using Your Self-Care Day:
1) If you’re like me and experience guilt for taking a day to recharge, begin by reminding yourself that you deserve it. You will be a better colleague and employee by giving yourself the time to recharge.
2) Taking a day to yourself doesn’t mean you have to stay home in complete silence if that is not what relaxing means to you. So instead, do some house chores, go for a walk, take that workout class you’ve always wanted to try, or cook that recipe you’ve had bookmarked in your web browser for the past six months.
3) Take five minutes to reflect on what the day was like for you. How did taking that self-care day make you feel?