Self-love, self-love, self-love and all that jazz.. We keep hearing all about this stuff from self-love experts and coaches, but what on earth do they all mean!? 

I think that we have to look at what self-love means to the individual and we need to ask, why is there such an issue around the subject of self-love and why do so many of us find it so damn tough?  

When you are void of self-love and acceptance, what do you have instead?  What is lying under the dark depths of our daily tasks, chores and responsibilities? It’s time we dove deeper into the psychology behind self-love, or lack there of.

Let’s start at the beginning.

What is self-love?

What does it mean to you?

How do you know that you’ve got it?

How does it feel?

How does it look, sound and feel?

What would you do differently if you had lashings of self-love?


That is it!  Sounds simple, however hundreds of clients and years of experience and research tell me that this subject is a little more complex than we may realise. WHY IS THAT?

I think it is due to many things…

In the UK, culturally we are worried about loving ourselves, it feels a bit icky…? Anyone else feeling this?

How does it feel when you look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’?  How does that really make you feel?  I hope it makes you feel lovely and warm inside but in reality for too many people it makes them feel uncomfortable.  Ok, if you’re someone that has never done mirror work, then go do it NOW…  Go on, go do it!  And then check in with yourself to see how that really feels. 

So, how was it?  Awkward? Great? Freaky? Uncomfortable? Unnerving? Emotional?

So many of my clients struggle to do this and I will admit it took me ages to feel comfortable with this powerful, yet very natural process.  Yes, natural, you did read that correctly. 

It is normal, good and right for us all to be able to love and accept ourselves!  So, why is it so damn hard?

Of course, this is a generalisation but many of us were brought up hearing things like ‘who do you think you are?’ ‘children should be seen and not heard’.  Oh, there are so many sayings that we could have soaked up as kids that have had an impact on our ability to love ourselves.  Now, I’m not just talking about loving the way we look, loving the colour we painted our nails, or loving a piece of work that we’ve created.  I mean full on, LOVING YOU; who you are, what you stand for and every inch of your amazing, magnificent, epic, physical body!!! 


I believe that to love yourself authentically you have to be committed but you also need to be fully present and accepting of your physical self.  You have to be truly connected to you, on every level.  It takes a lot of work for most, yet it is achievable for every single one of us.

There isn’t a client that I’ve seen in all my years of therapeutic coaching that could experience deep self-love and acceptance and anxiety and depression at the same time!

What happens when we don’t self love?

What is the opposite of self-love for you?

How are you being with yourself?

What do you say to yourself?

How does that make you feel?

It’s not great is it?  

So I am going to leave you with this piece of advice and its a game changer…

You need to become aware of the moments when you aren’t being kind and loving to yourself.

I want you to notice when you’re being unkind to yourself.  When you are being the opposite of loving and accepting and commit to swiping it up. 

Go do some mirror work.

Find something that you love about yourself, write a list even and start to grow and nurture that self-love. Do it today.

Once you cultivate deep love for yourself, your relationships will not only change, they will transform! Just you wait!

Have fun and until you have love for yourself it’s ok for you to borrow mine. As if you’re reading this, I want you to know that I love you, fully and completely.

There is only love, it’s where you came from and where you will go back to once you leave your physical body.  This realisation means you will live a fuller and more complete life, connecting to this source will deepen the connection that you have with yourself and with your creator.  The sooner, the better.  Self-love is not just a mental, emotional and physical thing it is a spiritual thing too….


Love & light,