Get to know yourself intimately. Make time every week for yourself. Put on your favourite music and ask yourself questions, like what ignites your passion, what are your values, your stories, and the people you admire. A chance to remember who you are and to begin showing up as the most authentic version of you.
With all that’s going on in our country, our economy, the world, and on social media, it feels like so many of us are under a great deal of stress. Relationships, in particular, can be stress-inducing. We know chronic stress can be as unhealthy as smoking a quarter of a pack a day. What are stress management strategies that people use to become “Stress-Proof? What are some great tweaks, hacks, and tips that help reduce or even eliminate stress? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, and mental health experts, who can share their strategies for reducing or eliminating stress. As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Shelley Ceridwen Doyle.
Shelley Ceridwen Doyle is a Loneliness & Belonging Strategist & Advocate, a Social Entrepreneur and a current Masters’ student at Royal Roads University, combining two decades of experience in Communications with a passion for making a positive impact.
Through her Podcast (Rediscovering Connection with Shelley Ceridwen), Coaching, Workshops, and Motivational Speaking, Shelley is on a mission to help towards solving the global health crisis of loneliness.
Shelley holds a Bachelor of Arts in Public Relations and is currently pursuing a Masters in Interdisciplinary Studies, fusing innovative leadership, the science of friendship, and technology.
Originally from the UK, Shelley now calls the picturesque Vancouver Island her home, where she resides with her family. Her impact extends far beyond her local community, as she frequently travels the globe to share her insights, speaking at events and hosting workshops that empower individuals to unlock the transformative power of authentic human connection in their lives.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
After working in the Public Relations industry for 20 years, I moved to Canada with my fiancé and two young children in the middle of the pandemic, to further my education and seek a more purposeful life. When we returned to lockdown, four months after arriving in Canada, with no support network here, I had a calling, to help people reconnect, I needed to reconnect! It was then that I fully accepted the level of disconnection I felt from all the amazing friends and family that I have made around the world. While I could see a glimpse of them on social media, it didn’t help me to feel connected. I had to find a way.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
Trusting that the right connections will come into my life and be present at the perfect time, as long as I continue taking inspired action.
To go deep with a few is better than to go shallow with many.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
My project is called Communiverse, which I define as “the circle of people that make your human experience, your Communiverse”. We plan to become a coaching consortium with a focus on addressing the loneliness crisis, bringing together 20 years of Communications theory and application, with the latest academic wisdom on the science of friendship and belonging, including that of Dr. Robin Dunbar.
Through Belong & Rise: 90-Days to Combat Loneliness and Build Your Next Level Inner Circle, Communiverse empowers people taking quantum leaps in life, individuals and workplace teams, to shift from loneliness to belonging, so that no matter where life leads, they can feel a sense of belonging, with people that fuel their soul.
Now, I know who the people are in my life. It’s surprising how little interaction I need to feel that sense of belonging I was yearning for two years ago. Communication feels manageable. I’ve alleviated the guilt that once weighed heavily on my shoulders, understanding that our capacity for personal connection is limited — and needs to be — to have the quality of relationships we were made for.
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
My Podcast journey has really helped to embed the theoretical learnings from my Master’s and opened the door to a next level of conversation, with leading edge Professors, such as Dr Robin Dunbar whose the mind behind Dunbar’s Number, and Practitioners, such as Ame-Lia Tamborrini and Richard Bartlett.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about stress. How would you define stress?
For me, stress comes from feeling as though I am alone in my problems.
In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. So what has led to this chronic stress? Why are so many of us always stressed out?
With social media consuming our spare time, we are ironically more disconnected than we have ever been.
What are some of the physical manifestations of being under a lot of stress? How does the human body react to stress?
Loneliness, which I define as “a feeling that arises when we perceive a gap between our social needs and reality, often alleviated through authentic connection.” Is a frequent manifestation of being under stress. Ironically, being stressed, can make us unlikely to make social connection, and then the loneliness that sets in, compounds the feeling of stress.
Is stress necessarily a bad thing? Can stress ever be good for us?
As someone who works well on a deadline (this article is a good example! I was given three weeks, and today is deadline day!) I know that a little stress helps me to get into a flow state — knowing I have a limited time to complete an activity makes me work efficiently, however to counter the stress, we need to prioritize friendship and activities that give us joy, and schedule these, as non-negotiables that are just as important as our work deadlines.
Is there a difference between being in a short-term stressful situation versus an ongoing stress? Are there long-term ramifications to living in a constant state of stress?
Loneliness, which is a both a cause and consequence of stress, has long-term consequences, impacting productivity, absenteeism, and attrition in the workplace and also contributes to challenges like anxiety and depression in our personal lives.
Let’s now focus more on the stress of relationships. This feels intuitive, but it is helpful to spell it out in order to address it. Can you help articulate why relationships can be so stressful?
When we are not able to communicate authentically, we can feel lonely in relationships, in our workplace and even in a group. A sense of belonging is experienced when we are accepted, respected, included, and supported for being our authentic selves.
Modern life distractions often mean that we don’t make time to get to know ourselves, so we are unable to communicate authentically, and then feel frustrated that we are not seen and heard!
Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 stress management strategies that you can use to eliminate stress from your relationships?”
1. Get to know yourself intimately. Make time every week for yourself. Put on your favourite music and ask yourself questions, like what ignites your passion, what are your values, your stories, and the people you admire. A chance to remember who you are and to begin showing up as the most authentic version of you.
2. Remember who your people are. Whether they live near you or far away, those soul connections that light you up. Remember them and reach out when the inspiration comes over you. Remember that we were never meant to depend on a single person. This can really take the pressure off relationships.
3. Imagine where you want to spend your time — on and offline, to be more intentional with your personal time.
4. Remember that regularity and reciprocal vulnerability plays an important part in healthy relationships. Consider, what you can start doing more regularly to improve your relationships?
5. Imagine that you only have space for 12–15 people in your inner circle, and find ways to nurture these important relationships.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
Books — Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown
Podcast — Shane Parrish, The Knowledge Project and Chris Williamson, Modern Wisdom
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
My movement is Communiverse, which helps people to combat loneliness and take inspired action towards belonging. Subscribe to my monthly newsletter and receive updates on how to attract inner circle friends https://communiverse.vip/newsletter
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
Visit http://communiverse.vip/at-work
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/shelleydoyle/
YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@ShelleyCeridwen
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.