Love and Work, Work and Love; That’s All There Is ~ Freud.

Am I the only one who takes nothing at face value? I came across Taylor’s new song, ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ a few weeks back; I loved the song because of the beats, that was that. Fast forward to when the video to it was released, it got me thinking what the song is really about. I watched it over and over again, then went online to find out what it really means. To me everything is black and white, gray areas aren’t so welcome. Question is, is life black and white? Or are there patches of gray everywhere we look?

I have been on a journey of self-discovery this year, I want to get in touch with the real me, I want to understand my emotions, I want so bad to relate with me as other people do. I want to know my value before others appreciate it. I want to be authentic. Authenticity is a thing most people struggle with in this life, everywhere you turn, there is a ‘how to’ guide for living, eating, dressing and maybe even just everything else. It is true when Oscar Wilde said, 

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

These words are pure wisdom, most people exist. They live in fear of not knowing what kind of mettle they’re really made of, they so wish someone can push them over the edge so they learn to spread their wings and fly, they live hoping that maybe someone will notice their potential and offer to show them how to full embrace themselves. If luck is on their side, they are discovered, and eventually they become the best of themselves. Should it happen that no one notices them, they live miserably, they lead sad and unfulfilling lives. Eventually, they die with untapped potential, they die with regrets, they die with what ifs. Such a waste of potential, such a loss to humanity. 

“Do you know what the true definition of hell is? It’s when you die and you get to meet the person you could have been.” Frank Mir

I am scared of dying average, of being forgotten just after the mourning ends. Not that I suffer narcissism, far from it! I want to live for a purpose, I want to die an accomplished person in my own small way. I want to leave a legacy. It’s the little things that matter, a good friend always says; the smile, the thank-you notes, and the I miss-you messages. This is what I want, to live my life, to enjoy this life to the fullest, to live each day as my last, and to go to bed each evening knowing that I have done my part.

I engaged in the topic of self love with a friend, it was heated. He wondered how I could go out on a date on my own. ‘How is it possible to go to a restaurant and have a meal just by yourself?’ He asked. ‘Why not?’ I posed. How possible is it to take someone where you have never been? How will you make them appreciate what you can’t appreciate? How possible is it to feel with them that emotion you can’t feel on your own? I think it is almost impossible. That is why less will settle for less, average will go for average, and exquisite will always associate with exquisite.

Do not be afraid to be alone (note: alone, not lonely, there is a difference). It might seem unnatural to many that you choose to be alone but well, isn’t everyone entitled to their opinion? You will be surprised at how independent you become, at how happy you learn to be by just being in your company, and how resistant you become to the harsh realities of life. And when you are busy enjoying your company then the universe might decide that you can’t enjoy it all alone; some people will be on your case, chasing you endlessly. This is when I say like attracts like, I don’t believe in unlike poles attracting, how will happy attract misery? Clearly I still believe in life being black and white, but maybe I am wrong.

Therefore go ahead and buy those tickets to the movie, go alone. Head out to your favorite hang out joint and enjoy a meal alone; take a book with you, best company always. Take that trip to that place you have been wishing to go. The craziest of all is to sit yourself and have some real talk! Just like me, all this seemed crazy at first, but slowly by slowly, I started warming up to the idea of doing things on my own. Having had a past of ‘co-dependency’, I was hit worst when I came to the ‘alone phase’. The status quo was challenged, it was tough! Going from sharing every detail of the day with someone to keeping that information to yourself. A total make-over!

Don’t be cheated that it is easy, it will be at difficult at first, but as you move along it will become easy. Waking up to yourself will become normal, and self love will slowly creep into your life. Finally, you will value your company. You will treat yourself as a rare gem. Then they will say, ‘At this rate, this babe needs no external love!’

Yours truly, Unique One-Of-A-Kind Woman.