Ego is truly the absence of the knowledge of who we really are. This is especially true when we are in contexts we find challenging. I encourage my clients to notice what goes on for them emotionally, in their body and the thoughts they are experiencing in that moment. I came to this way of thinking, of consciously observing ourselves, through studying the work of the remarkable Eckhart Tolle. This was a great insight, one which allowed me to break harmful patterns. Tolle says when we connect with the deep “I”, we are able to communicate without the need to prove ourselves, and we simultaneously strengthen our self-worth. Indeed, one of the most important lessons I have learned is that self-worth doesn’t happen by osmosis.

Our challenge is to become more aligned internally with the existing moment, letting go of the need to triumph or the need to be accurate and instead focusing on the realities, the basics, the fundamentals. Every time we come back to the body, we come back to the present.

I noticed that that the ego at work and in other areas of life can become an enormous destructive driver in our behaviour. Besides this, the ego can be overwhelmingly powerful; it can literally take over the real you. This is something I have witnessed first-hand, as I am sure you have too.

When I coach groups of people, I encourage them to think of the bigger picture and not be self-centred. Play as one, not against each other. Building relationships is the key to success. However, relationships now go beyond the physical context as we live in an ever-changing world and are no longer defined by one set of rules. Our world is becoming increasingly relational and not transactional. We must also be aware that the most damaging relationships are the ones that go on for too long.

I see there is a difference between judgement and non-judgement. Judgemental statements are when you are evaluating someone or what they say without knowing all the truths. On the other hand, non-judgemental comments are when there is no approval or disapproval of the thoughts and feelings which were displayed by the people involved. They are typically supported with identifiable facts and measurable data. When the ego is not contained, it dissolves our authentic self in a split second, separates us from reality, and the emotions. Managing the ego is about respect if you don’t respect yourself, you invite disrespect.

I genuinely believe that self-awareness is the opposer of ego. It is an incredible source of wisdom that everyone can tap into. The pure delight comes when we develop it and have faith in its direction. Nevertheless, too many of us fail to trust ourselves. Only when you sincerely heed to your understanding will you be able to gain a deeper comprehension of and compassion for others. You just need help in how to access it.

One process I use to invite you to practice to achieve deep calm and silence is called STILL, and this is how it works;

Still—Get yourself into a quiet and silent space internally, physically, and emotionally.

Timeout—Impose a timeout on yourself, a momentary interruption of your activity.

Impact—What power is this person or context having on you?

Let go—Break the thinking of what someone did, or didn’t do, and release.

Listen—Listen to your body, your thoughts, your triggers, and your emotions.

Remember the time when your ego was in full combat mode? When it becomes the singular driver of your behaviour. and takes over you? This is all part of the human condition. We all have to adapt to situations; otherwise, we end up being resentful or frustrated. Watch your habits, observe your reactions, and by noticing, break the habits. Try it and let me know how it goes for you.

Reference Eckhart Tolle

How To Get Out Of Your Own Way


  • Sunita Sehmi

    Organisational Dev I Exec Leadership Coach I Author I Mentor I

    Walk The Talk

    Org Dev Consultant I Exec Leadership Performance Coach I DEI Warrior I Author I Mentor I Work smarter I Live better I Think deeper. With over three decades of expertise in multicultural environments, Sunita brings a unique blend of Indian, British, and Swiss heritage to her consultancy, fostering a deep understanding of organisational contexts and her clients. Sunita’s insights and expertise are tailored to elevate your leadership.