In light of the high cases of all sorts of abuse around the globe, I feel pressed to talk about (and invite a discussion) about how best we can all help the victims of abuse. Yeah, I am not asking you to take all the abused people in your home or donate or your finances (you can if you have the capacity), but to refrain from re-inforcing abuse through gaslighting as well as refrain from forcing the victims to remain silent in abusive relationships. We should stop stigmatizing victims of abuse as such stigma prevent some victims from fleeing their abusive environments.

According to some reports a high percentage of people get murdered by their closest relatives.

Ever wondered where the rest of the society is during the constant abuse and fatal effects to victims? You guessed right. Minding it’s own business. Ignoring the abuse. Guilt-tripping victims into silence, further abuse, or even suicide.

Before you get all defensive, you might want to watch this video: Avoiding Toxic People – Why Mentally Strong People Attract Toxic People… and Demistifying Narcissism

Sharon Mundia (This is Ess) and Dr. Karen have interactive conversation in this videos on mental health, and the best self care.

Effects of Abuse

Death is not the only measure of abuse. Physical, emotional, financial, personal, and social health are affected too during abuse. Watch Karabo Mokoena‘s story below and tell me if you don’t know someone or multiple people who ended up dead or had their lives altered.

We cannot, and we will not, and we should not excuse abusers.

Who Reinforces Abuse?

As human beings we are prone to err unknowingly and hurt others.

HOWEVER, we need to be conscious of our conduct and words that may contribute to the abuse of others, perpetuate abuse, or cripple the ability of victims to seek help, protection and, or justice.

That said, there are special categories of TOXIC people who should be avoided at all costs.

These are people who live to make others feel insignificant and unworthy. They make victims feel like they deserve the abuse meted out to them. These are the people who trivialize other people’s feelings and needs, and guilt-trip them into thinking they are selfish or over-reacting. Watch out for this stone-hearted beings.

The Religious Narcs

If ever there was a category of people who are the worst in guilt-tripping other people, it is narcissists. The worst are the religious ones who feel they have figured out life and tries to blame any and everything that happens to a person to his/ her non-compliance to certain standards.

It is with absolute sadness that we lost Anthony Bourdain by suicide, and have lost others over the years. Not to say that theirs was from abuse, but the reaction that some ‘religious narcs’ give as the reason for Bourdain’s demise is appalling. I must admit I lost my cool over someone’s ill and judgmental comment over someone who died by suicide. The guy who commented had the ‘audacity’ to blame the victim for not believing in higher powers, as if this person knew the victim or his belief in person. In the places of worship, should we not have refuge for everyone?

Unfortunately, we have some religious sycophants who, in my opinion, do not even understand their relationship with their maker let alone practice proper conduct. Narcs who are holier than thou and do not respect other people of other religions or practices or cultures. These are the worst for they guilt-trip victims of abuse into believing they are receiving punishment for who-knows-what. Others ‘pray’ people into staying under abusive environments in the name of ‘perseverance’ and goodness to the deity.

Moral Police

The self-proclaimed ‘moral police’ who explain any form of deviance from what they consider ‘normal’ as a reason for abuse. These moral police give people false hope; that they should stick out their problems as karma will punish their culprits.

Karma? Who cares about karma if you will be dead; cruelly have your life cut short?! Will karma on the other person bring you back or console the people you left behind? Will karma put clothes on the backs of the children that your death leaves orphans?

Forgiveness is good for the soul and for the victim but that does not, in any way, imply that you should let the people who have minimal worth for you, and abuse you, stay in your life just because you forgave them.

There is such a thing as loving someone from a distance if they do you more harm than good.

Some people do not deserve as many chances to abuse you.

Self-Care: How can you keep yourself safe?

We all deserve to be happy and safe in all environments. No one has the right to step on our dignity as human beings.

If someone makes you feel worthless with their words, they can do worse. “akumulikaye mchana, usiku atakuchoma”

Nothing is worth losing your sanity or life over.

Take time to appreciate yourself.

Learn more Self Care tips here

Joyce Joyzeal share more self care tips here

Let me know what your thoughts are on any of the issues raised here.

Originally published at