Every relationship you can think of in the world follows a set pattern… like the sun, the moon, the stars.
– Desirel Calvin-Lawrence
Dating today can feel like swiping, ghosting, and guessing on repeat. In this insightful interview, Desirel Calvin‑Lawrence, creator of HeartLib, lays out a clear alternative: make love a data‑backed, evidence‑guided decision. Drawing on broad study and lived experience, he developed KNCSR, a relationship model that pairs recurring case studies with “key number” magnetism so you can see exactly why you connect, and whether that connection can actually carry you long term.
This conversation between Stacey Chillemi and Desirel breaks down repeating relationship patterns, the HeartLib Academy’s three‑month education drip, and a five‑minute way to identify aligned matches inside your own Meta/Facebook network with transparency and intention. Desirel shares an example relationship type (“Humor Has Healing”), how specialized software helps reduce negative patterns, and why an accesible one‑year subscription with 48 relationship types and a ~ 72‑hour personalized report can replace guesswork with clarity across love, marriage, friendship, and even business partnerships.
Thank you so much for joining us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your backstory?
Absolutely! Thank you, Stacey. I’m someone who explored many disciplines and decided to apply that learning to help people make better choices in love, friendship, and business. From childhood on, we’re all “in the throes” of relationships—parents, school friends, early crushes—and those experiences made me curious about why some connections move us forward while others hold us back. Over time, I learned to pinpoint compatibility with real specificity, understanding if a bond is long-term or fleeting, uplifting or corrosive. That journey led me to build a practical model so people can choose with intention rather than guesswork.
What flipped the switch for you… that light-bulb moment that became the fuel for HeartLib?
It began with deep research and a realization that I had to bring these insights to the world. Even the name was intentional; as a brand namer, I designed “HeartLib” as a concept rooted in heart liberation. Personally, I’d had relationships that looked promising yet weren’t built for long-term compatibility, and the case studies showed me exactly why. When I combined lived experience with refined research, it became obvious that a smarter, more intentional path to connection was possible. That conviction is what sparked the platform.
In simple terms, what is the KNCSR relationship model and the “key number magnet” idea?
KNCSR is a set of matchmaking keys that fuses two forces: the case study (your recurring relational pattern) and the key numbers (the magnetism that creates instant chemistry). Many people get locked into powerful attraction where the case study is misaligned, and that’s where pain repeats. We don’t fight chemistry—we redirect it so the magnet aligns with a supportive case study that actually serves your life. The goal is a blueprint where attraction and long-term fit reinforce each other instead of colliding.
You say every relationship follows a pattern. What does that look like in real life?
Just as celestial rhythms repeat, our relationships do too. Most of us cycle through the same types, often without seeing the blueprint underneath. Once you can read those patterns, you stop relying on hope and start choosing with clarity. That’s where intentionality comes in—you pick a relationship because it matches your values and vision, then you bring focus and commitment to it on purpose.
How does the Academy guide someone through that decision?
We deliver a three-month drip that lays out your relationship types across love, friendship, family, and business. You get time to study each type, reflect on it, and decide what truly fits you—not in a rush, but with awareness. When you’re ready, a KNCSR matchmaker helps translate that learning into action. It’s an education-first approach so your eventual “yes” is informed, grounded, and confident.
Five minutes sounds wild. How does the Meta/Facebook part actually work?
Once your KNCSR data is in place, we look within your own Meta/Facebook network for aligned candidates. Often there are several strong matches right there—no ghosts, no endless swiping. You reach out transparently—explaining the KNCSR basis for the introduction—so the first conversation begins with honesty instead of performance. Because the blueprint is known, a five-minute scan can reveal who’s truly worth meeting, and that alone changes the dating experience.
You warn about “number magnet” traps. How do people avoid them?
That magnet is real—and it can glue people to toxic dynamics. We harness the same intensity but insist on a compatible case study so the attraction fuels something healthy. If one person isn’t right, your KNCSR profile points to others with similar alignment, and you move forward simply and respectfully. It’s not about denying chemistry; it’s about giving chemistry the right container.
What dating myths do you see sabotaging people, and how do you bust them?
One myth says, “date enough people and you’ll eventually find the one,” but you can repeat the wrong pattern indefinitely. Another says, “If you love someone, you should marry,” yet love alone doesn’t guarantee a home that works. People also dismiss arranged matches, but when they’re data-specific, they can be profoundly loving. We counter these myths by showing your types in advance, proving that five-minute identification through your existing network is possible, and restoring confidence to people who think they’re “not cut out” for love or partnership.
How did your personal journey shape this approach?
I treated relationships as education… observing dynamics, exploring philosophies, and noticing where magnetism showed up. Key numbers explained why some connections sparked instantly, while the case studies clarified whether those sparks could sustain a life. My rule became simple: secure the key numbers for chemistry and ensure I’m comfortable with the case study for the long haul. Then add intentionality, the vow, to focus on one person by choice, not impulse.
How is this different from dating apps?
Dating apps can work, but they often push people into swiping, ghosting, and urgency without safety or clarity. We’re not another app; we give you the relationship blueprint before you meet, so the first coffee is a test of a high-probability match, not a blind leap. That transparency shrinks the noise and reduces risk. Instead of chasing the next swipe, you follow a map you can explain.
Can you share an example of a relationship “type” you deliver?
A good example is “Humor Has Healing.” In this type, humor, from playful wordplay to darker wit, becomes a shared language that clears the air and keeps communication open. The dynamic can be teacher-student or parent-child in tone, with the partner often taking a more mature, patient role, though unlimited sympathy isn’t guaranteed. Physically and mentally, the pair can thrive—training together, sharpening each other’s thinking—and as romantic partners, they can sustain love and friendship over time if they practice flexibility and tolerance. Each type also includes practical guidance so you know how to work the strengths and watch the limits.
What kind of real-world feedback have you received?
Testimonials describe the insights as a “game changer,” especially when people see past relationships decoded with startling accuracy. Many commit to never dating blindly again once they understand their KNCSR breakdown. The most consistent feedback is the sense of clarity, knowing how a relationship will likely feel before it begins. That clarity reduces fear and replaces it with confident, intentional action.
Where does AI fit into all this, now and in the next few years?
I use AI personally to identify limitations and reduce negative patterns so the positives can lead. It brings clarity, vision, and understanding in a way that feels unprecedented. Used wisely and sparingly, it helps translate the KNCSR blueprint into daily practices that keep a relationship healthy. It’s a tool for precision, not a shortcut for commitment.
If someone feels stuck in a loop of dating disappointment, what’s the first step?
Start by getting your KNCSR data through the Academy. There’s a monthly option, and a one-year subscription allows you to submit a form from your welcome email and receive a personalized relationship report—typically within about 72 hours, depending on backlog. We’re not here to push breakups; we show you strengths to build on and where to mitigate weaknesses. Over three months, you’ll see your types clearly, and then you’ll choose slowly and wisely instead of urgently.
How do you think about price and value versus traditional matchmaking?
People spend extraordinary sums on matchmaking and still end up in courtrooms and mediation. We did charge premium fees in the past, even $1,500 for a snapshot, because the work is intensive, but we shifted to make it accessible. A one-year subscription under $400 includes Academy access, ongoing education, and the option for a relationship report once verified. If a wedding can cost six figures, investing a fraction of that to confirm the fit is common sense.
What do you want every listener to take away today?
Don’t accept the story that you’re not cut out for love, success, or friendship. With the right partner, you can be in the best place of your life. Knowing your relationship types brings confidence, whether you’re mending something good or discovering something better. And if a relationship is truly toxic, both people deserve compatibility and happiness; marriage should serve its purpose in society, not undermine it.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Head to heartlib.co to begin your KNCSR journey… and when you’re ready to calculate number magnets, use the HeartLib App to support the process. The Academy experience is designed to bring clarity first, then action, so you can choose with purpose. You’ll also find testimonials that speak to how the insights changed the way people approach relationships. Start there, move at your own pace, and keep everything transparent from day one. Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram (@heartlib.io) for more!
Desirel, thank you for sharing such thoughtful, eye-opening insights. This was powerful and practical
Thank you, Stacey… I truly appreciate the conversation and your listeners’ time.
