I remember being so dumb, daft and absent at a certain point in my childhood…This is a long read.
It seems many of us don’t yet understand how badly a failed, broken marriage/dysfunctional family can gradually destroy a nation…We often forget that every one in government, everyone at the helm of affairs of our nation and even those we call thugs or those causing unrest in our world today all came from a Family…studies have shown that 8 out of every 10 Individuals came from a dysfunctional, seperated/broken or troubled family…
This simply means we have very low VALUE for Family in our world today…
Yet we wonder why we are where we are…..In this post i share with you a part of my story as a child from a dysfunctional Family…and maybe you can understand some more why i have a strong Passion for Families and WHY i do what i do as a Family-work-life Balance expert and i’m hopefulit will inspire you to fight for your marriage if you’re married, and if you’re not yet married- to put in the work of repairing what they broke before you get married so you don’t break someone else…now let’s journey into my childhood.
Looking back at my childhood i realise that the seperation of my parents got to me so hard that it made me dumb and absent from myself… I remember my most exciting times as a child were the times my Mom would take me to see my Dad…funny how i can still remember things that happened as far back as when i was 3 to 4 years old(note that your kids will also…). I was a smart kid then, cheerful, bold and very foward towards learning and participating in school or creative activities because then even though i wasn’t seeing my Dad often, my Mom and i lived in her Dad’s house (Family house) and she took me to see my Dad every now and then… But it got to a point where she was now living alone with her siblings, catering for there upkeep and all, became a successful business mogul (she’s a passionate hard worker) and traveled alot…
So she had to keep me with her Mom in a state called Abuja, i lived and did a part of my primary school in abuja, that explains why i speak hausa, then began my dummy(ness) as it felt like i was totally CUT-OFF from my parents, i never saw my Mom and Dad for years after that…an i was being sexually abused constantly…but there was no one to tell and i didn’t even know how to say the words or if it was a thing to be said… i was amongst the dummies in class because i was never present in class even though i was seated in class, well for the times when i wasn’t chased out of school for unpaid school fees(no explanation as to where the moneys my Mom sends goes), it’s safe to say that from primary school 2 to 6 that i did in abuja i wasn’t presently present in my own life…does that even make any sense???…
I just know it always felt like i was inside a tunnel, dark, LONELY! So lonely and abandoned. So every time my abuser came to me then i just layed there mute, not knowing what was happening to me, not knowing if i had a choice to allow it or not. I just knew it felt so wrong, so brutal, it shut me up and out of ‘PRESENCE ‘ in life… My Mom couldn’t get why i always told her i wanted to go with her in the few split second stop-ins she did…The only times i had a breather or i think i was present were the times i was in the farm (my Mom’s Mother liked farming and had lots)she usually took me with her to farm, i still love farming till date.
That whole season was a long, dark ‘absent’ one for me, a season when i had no voice or personality… I can’t imagine any child going through same, it’s evil!
This is why people shouldn’t jump in and out of marriage. It’s not for babies, marriage is divinely beautiful but it is also hard work. Marriage is not a contract, it is a commitment/covenant to honour and love the other INSPITE of performance.
Marriage is not a contract, it is a commitment/covenant to honour and love the other INSPITE of performanceDaniella Omor
It should be entered into by only two matured, disciplined, responsible adults as it will put your selfishness into a microscope…It is children who get to suffer from failed marriages, no child should have to go through what i went through or what YOU may be going through…
I wasn’t present in my own life, i was a dummy to say the least. I don’t even know how i made it up to primary 6 lol (I can laugh about these pasts now, ??God is so FAITHFUL!). Typing this isn’t letting me tell this story in its fullness, maybe one day i’ll get the chance to share it in a video, but i’m led to share it any way…..So at some point my Mom decided to re-marry(one tall fair dushbag ? Lord forgive me).
Also note that my parents got back together after like 18 years, my God is tough like that! So, because my Mom was about to wed i had to come to Port Harcourt the city where my Mom lived to be her flower girl…ish(story for another day) and that’s how i left Abuja, which saved me from my abuser or so i thought for a short while…after the wedding i was kept in my Mom’s Father’s house…the abuse continued there, but i think living under a roof with ‘mother and father’ Figure lightened me up abit (Family) some how i found expressions in my talents(writing, dancing, acting singing etc, and guess what; i wrote a book with all these stories like a novel, it was stolen in secondary school tho??), so expressing myself through these talents kinda gave me a small voice again so i could speak…i was put back in primary school but demoted to primary 3(God bless who ever decided that for me because ehh,my brain was empty!), i SUDDENLY BECAME THE MOST INTELLIGENT CHILD IN MY CLASS! Howwww?
I went from dummy to A+ pupil! First in class unbeatable, i remember my favourite Aunty then (My Mom’s step-sister) was always there in our end of term parties to cheer me on when ever they called me out for an award or a social activity and ofcourse she usually stayed with me while i practiced at home…, oh Lord, those moments were EVERYTHING for me! She was the truest parent for me back then…i will never forget how present a parent figure she was to me, dearest Aunty N…love you always!
Alas! i suddenly found my brain functioning…i was competing with primary 5pupils no jokes! When i got to primary 4 and primary 6 class was writing common entrance examination, my class teacher encouraged me to write just so i could test myself , so i did and came out top 5 in my school! My teacher and headmistress where so proud of me.
Aren’t you thinking “what happened to the dummy girl? where did she go?“.
Well, as a certified Family/Marriage Counselor; i realise now that i was shut up by the trauma of unexplained situations and circumstances surrounding the separation of my birth parents, the cutting off from them, not seeing them for a long while, the loneliness of being alone.
I was BROKEN by the consistent sexul abuse that everything around me then made me feel was normal…Being sexually abused from age 7 to 18…it all shut me up and the only thing that made me wake up to my existence abit was the little thread of “Family” i felt when i was moved back to Port Harcourt city…..
See people of God, FAMILY IS POWERFUL! The Sense of FAMILY is what fuels the existence and future of every child and DETERMINES 80percent of the kind of adult that child will become…
The Sense of FAMILY is what fuels the existence and future of every child and DETERMINES 80percent of the kind of adult that child will become…
Can we have more Value for FAMILIES? Marriages are breaking up everyday because too many broken people are jumping into marriage with fantasy expctations and ignoring to put in the work to repaire their broken… Why won’t there be a stress and burnout epidemic when even your employer is a broken person breaking other people whether he/she knows it or not.
CAN YOU FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE SOME MORE? CAN YOU BE THE WRESTLER AND STAND IN THE GAP FOR YOUR HOME?! YES YOU CAN!!!..And no one is asking you to do it alone, ask the Holyspirit for help, seek Therapeutic counseling. What we don’t fix within ourselves, gets swept under the carpet and passed on to our children…and the circle continues.
What we don’t fix within ourselves, gets swept under the carpet and passed on to our children…and the circle continues.Daniella Omor
There were several reasons for me to have ended up as one of the problems of our world today, but i chose different! I could have given myself these terrible pasts as the excuse for being a hurt, bittered, toxic, self pitying, entitled, unorganised, undisciplined, problematic Adult today and it would have been ok…I could have given up on my marriage in the first 3 years when it felt terrible and draining, just like society has in many ways enabled divorce (If the marriage isn’t violent/life threatening or adulterous…why can’t both parties work on themselves and on it?), just like the adults we have today in our world with these excuses/attitudes i just mentioned…but i chose different ,THANK GOD FOR GRACE! THANK GOD FOR THE GIFT OF THE HOLYSPIRIT! You too can.
Today i am Heaven’s Rebel on earth, fighting against that which is fighting against Families as it reaches my desk! YOU TOO CAN!..What was meant to kill me has empowered me to help others.
I believe that we can have a nation filled with adults from Healthy homes and families and not dysfunctional, seperated or broken marriages/families…It once was…can you remember? and it will be again…!
It may take us 20 years or more, maybe less if YOU join me by fighting to keep your Marriage/family together. But it will happen! Yes it will, through the many ways we push this message.
The change i see is why i love children/teens? they are the road to the future i see…it will happen one day that we will wake up and our kids today are the Adults married with the right Value systems and their Families are healthy and thriving…But your children need you today to put in the work of REPAIRING what they broke in you so you don’t BREAK them(your children), END THE CIRCLE NOW. Work on You…
I strongly believe it will happen that our Teens have recognised and accepted their ‘Broken’ their Fears, their ‘Mess’ and have turned it into a message for God’s glory…!..It will one day happen that FAMILY has become the STRONG CORD THAT BINDS THE WORLD! And i know how…will you join me? Start by seeking help and working on YOU today, start by fighting for your marriage/family today.
THIS IS SO THAT YOU CAN BECAUSE YOU CAN!
#family #trauma #Counseling #mystory #marriage #lacuisinedanielle #familyworklifebalance #myuniquestories #MyWhy