Feelings and emotions are such transient things, and yet when we look a little deeper, there’s a sense of familiarity with the ones that hold us in their grips most tightly – sometimes tethered to our being, not wanting to let go. I know this one well – the comparison to others, and then looking for evidence, for the ‘truth’, that they know more/are more/have more, than I could ever dream to be, plunging me into a shame spiral and rendering my morning unproductive as I wallow in self-flagellation, instead of showing up in the world, as my totally flaw-some self.
The internet serves like a form of crack-cocaine for those of us seduced by the lives of others, conditioned to see the brilliance in everyone except ourselves. Whole industries survive because of how much so many women hate themselves; the superficial ‘fix’ from the outside world providing a momentary ‘hit’ of peace before the next stimulation comes along to tell you you’re not okay.
Except, when we have the courage to face our own bullshit, and use the Internet for our own mastery, wielding our iPhones with intention, our discussions with reflection, our scrolling for inspiration – not desperation.
It’s when we change the story and begin to appreciate why we descend into feeling ‘not good enough’, considering that perhaps it’s actually a clever strategy we have employed to fulfil what we truly value, avoid what we don’t want to face, and stay safe in our ‘comfort zone’.
So, when you feel ‘not good enough’, how is it actually serving you? Is it keeping you safe in the relationships you hold dear? In the job you don’t love, but know well? Does it compel you to constantly learn more? To better yourself? Does it ask you to transform your stories so you have a toolkit to pass onto your children?
How is it actually paving the way to your self-actualisation; on the way, rather than in the way, of your growth?
To embrace our humanity, and love the world more deeply, we must be able to also give what we seek from the outside, to ourselves. The search for a one-sided world is the source of much human suffering; it’s happiness and sadness, night and day, light and dark, positive and negative, confidence and self-doubt; these pairs of opposites in conservation, all of the time, teaching us. We cannot know one side, without the other.
Like our bodies are genius at seeking the point of homeostasis, so too does our psyche; and if we are only aware of one emotion, where is it’s opposite, hidden from view? If i’m feeling ‘not good enough’ in one area of my life, where do I feel like i’m soaring?
If there’s one area I think i’m ‘failing’, what am I ‘nailing’?
We have order and chaos throughout our lives, in our minds, and in our worlds. What we bring the most order to, is usually highest on our values. We judge because through our own misperception, we think we, or our world, should be anything other than what it is.
And the kicker? This ‘ungratefulness’ is actually what we need within us to create change. So even this serves us.
It is through appreciation of it all, and integration of our ‘messiest bits’, that we nourish ourselves, and grow, creating ripple effects throughout our family and community, providing others the blueprint for self-acceptance.
Because it’s all about the questions we ask ourselves, the labels we challenge and transform, and the action we take.