Strength doesn’t come from doing the things you can
You can’t deny it. Doing new things, challenging things can be painfully uncomfortable. But as a business owner you better get used to it because your growth depends on it. You will consistently need to get out of your comfort zone if you really want to achieve success. The question is, how can you learn not to survive but to THRIVE from the discomfort?
Don’t pretend it’s all hunky dory
Do you think that as a woman in business you could damage your reputation if you admit the way you feel? Rubbish. If I’m struggling emotionally, it’s only made worse if I believe I’m the ONLY one that doesn’t find it easy.
I’ve had depression. I know what it’s like to feel alone, empty and pointless and thats why it’s part of my business mission to share the lows as well as the highs. This isn’t about creating a pity party. It’s about being completely transparent about the entrepreneurial journey in the hope that it inspires another women to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Get “out” of the feelings
Have you felt crap and told everyone that will listen? Did that voice in your head get louder and louder? Reminding you of all the reasons you should feel bad? Sure, it’s good to talk but when we KEEP doing it, we become more “associated” i.e. we make those feelings more real.
The feelings start to become “who we are” and before long we even wake up worried, fearful and anxious. Congratulations, you are now a walking “worst case scenario”. I know from personal experience that when you find yourself here, you feel like the most useless woman on earth. You don’t believe you can ever “get out”, let alone thrive in your business. But you can!
Learn to disassociate
See this as kinda becoming “un-you”, just for a moment. It’s an opportunity to make things less personal and uncover a new perspective. Best of all, when you start to practice this regularly, there is an INSTANT relief from that nagging, crappy self talk.
Here’s a couple of my favourite “get out of my own way” exercises.
- Give this NLP technique a go. Take a read (and maybe even record yourself reading it) and gift yourself 10-15 minutes to see a different side to the story you keep telling yourself.
2. Ask the RIGHTquestions. If you keep asking, “why is this so hard?”, “why me?”, “why does it always go wrong?”, “why am I so sh*t?”, then guess what’s going to happen? You’ll keep seeing and finding more reasons why this is true.
As the late Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. When you learn how to use your mind effectively, oh boy, do you open up a whole new world. Try asking positive “what, why, when, how, who” questions instead. For example:
Why is it possible for me to do this, with ease?
What does it look like when this works out perfectly?
Who could I reach out to, to help me right now?
What if the perfect outcome is right around the corner?
Sure, I know this sounds a bit “woo” but I gotta tell ya, this shizzle works. You may not believe this but your mind really wants to work WITH you. It just needs you to STOP being the same old you and start BE-ing someone different. (more on this below)
Talk to someone
Preferably someone who practices (or understands at least) the world of personal development and entrepreneurship. I also love to make these conversations “active”. I’ll give myself a short time to have a bitch and a moan (maybe a cup of self pity for good measure) and then I’ll ask for their perspective. Then it’s time to mind map out the solution. Turn talking in to action because with action comes inspiration and clarity.
Don’t make it all about the money
A lot of my work is around “money mindset” and the biggest problem I see is women making it “all about the money”. Do you? Are you basing your level of success on your income? Choosing how you FEEL based on what you make? Trying to prove a point to a disbelieving/unsupportive partner? Overworking, over delivering and under earning and desperately waiting for something to be different?
Making it “all about the money” is a sure fire way to NEVER feel successful. This feelings are the result of deeper beliefs about your worth, capabilities and opportunities and NO amount of money can make these disappear.
Find a new way of BE-ing
Your success is going to require an element of BE-coming a new you! Letting go of all the childhood conditioning. Questioning your current beliefs and deciding which ones serve you and dropping those that don’t. Being honest about where you are being “half arsed” and making a plan to go “all in”.
In this BE-coming of a new you, you will gain confidence and clarity about who you REALLY are and what you are capable of. Why is this SO important? Because now you will be able to define what success really looks and feels like for YOU and you won’t need money to make you feel worthy or successful.
You’ll remember that success isn’t a bank account, a body size or a postcode. It’s a FEELING that you choose. And you get to choose to feel success right NOW.
This video really did change everything for me when I first saw it a couple of years ago. It helped me to understand that it’s not just O.K. to feel pain and vulnerability, it’s actually a GREAT indication that you are growing.
Remember that doing something new is going to set all kinds of things off in your mind because it’s job is to keep you safe. And new things don’t feel safe. But new things CAN feel exciting and doing new things over and over soon makes it “normal”. Then you are ready for the next leap.