Many women come to me with a variation of the following scenario:
“Linda, I am (38-45) and I’ve been single for (2-10 years). I want to (get married, have a baby, etc) but I keep meeting men that don’t deserve a woman like me. I’m a commodity! I have a great career and have it going on! I’m not going to settle! But my clock is ticking. What can I do, Linda?” Or “Linda, I have a degree(s) from (respected university or college), and I’ve waited all this time to meet the ‘right’ man. But all the man I go on dates with already have kids from previous relationships and if they tell me they don’t want kids on the 1st or 2nd date, I don’t go out with them anymore. I want kids!”
On the same hand I often hear the same women say, “But Linda, I am who I am and why should I change? That’s just how I grew up. I’m not settling. It’s not my fault that men get intimidated by me. I’m a strong and independent woman.” or “The man God has for me will accept me and love me just the way I am. I’m not gonna have to change for anyone.”
They have no idea that all of those “beliefs” are a huge reason why they’re single because those beliefs create certain behaviors. Those behaviors happen on auto-pilot. They don’t know they’re even doing them.
These same women get “ghosted” by men. This is when dates were going just fine and all of a sudden without warning or an explanation, he stopped replying to text messages and calls. They yearn for a STRONG man to put his arms around them and make them feel safe and protected. But they don’t understand that their own masculine energy is causing and imbalance in their love life and it’s backfiring. The result? Men don’t stick around and the ones that do, they find unattractive because they think he’s weak. And strong women CANNOT respect a WEAK man.
However, there are some strong women who despite their own masculine energy have managed to get their man to marry them. But if they don’t change their beliefs they will eventually find themselves divorced, as well.
I’m always amazed when I get on the phone with a “strong and independent woman” who wholeheartedly believes that her pool of candidates is not good.
I had a woman tell me once that she was a good woman because of how much money she made and her level of education. Then she started telling me about her most recent attempt at love and it was like watching a 3D movie. ALL HER ISSUES JUMPED OUT AT ME. When I told her “about her behaviors and how she caused her own issues” not only did she decide not to work with me but she went away, never to open any of my emails again. She may have gotten offended or even hurt. But that’s never my intention. My intention is to show my clients how they’re standing in their own way and it starts with their mindset.
Women think that I’m going to work with them on the dating scene and what tricks to do to land a man. But we’re going to work on YOUR MINDSET and beliefs FIRST. That’s the hardest part!
When a woman comes to me saying she’s ready to do the work but she resists a new idea… Then she’s NOT ready to do the work. And this means that she will continue to be single.
My dear… #dontbebasic. Get out of your own way and Invest in this part of your life so you can stop being single, attract a wonderful man who adores you and perhaps start waking up next to him. Are you really willing to do the work? 