It’s true. We’ve all been there. Waking up, clicking that little camera icon on our phones, and scrolling aimlessly through Instagram.  Before we know it, we’re years deep into that girl’s account again. “What! Her fiance took her to Lake Como just for the weekend?” “How does she have 6 pack abs in the winter?!” “Wait, she doesn’t even apply filters to her selfies and still looks that gorgeous?!”  These statements of envy bubble up inside of us, quickly turning into full-blown self-doubt.  “I will never find a fiance like that…”  “My flabby stomach won’t ever see 6 pack abs again…” “I need to download more photo editing apps to get flawless skin like that….”  We throw out the window all of our confidence, clarity, and desire to live our own lives, through our own expression, losing ourselves to someone else’s social media highlights.

This cycle can become endless if we aren’t careful (or rather, if we aren’t intentional) about how we consume the media we are taking in. I know, because I was once there, too. But I soon realized that constantly comparing and idolizing other people, was taking away from living out my own divine purpose. That with the guidance of a Higher Power, all things were possible for me, too.  We have been trained to believe that there isn’t enough supply to go around– not enough money, men, luxury houses, vacations, designer clothes, you name it.  We’ve been brainwashed to believe that if she has it, then there’s less for us.  Yet, I came to discover that if she has it, then that means I can too.  Suddenly, my comparison paralysis became my greatest revelation in living my most epic life!  

Here are a few mindset shifts I had to make in order to reach this higher level of consciousness.

The “it’s possible for me, too” mantra. I remember this one specific day, in my younger years, when I first moved to Santa Monica. My business was pretty much imaginary at this point, barely making its way off the ground, and I wasn’t living anywhere near glamorously.  But, still eagerly, I waltzed into Barnes and Noble to browse the luxury-based, celebrity magazines, as I often did. My eye caught one with a woman I admired on the front cover and I snatched it up ready to devour all the juicy gossip and behind the curtain news. But then I paused.  I stared at the cover and thought, “wait a minute. She’s not focused on me, so why am I focused on her?” With that, I returned the magazine to its place on the shelf and walked away.  From then on, I put the focus on my own life. And since that time, I haven’t had an imaginary business, my life hasn’t been in shambles, and while there have still been challenges there haven’t been struggles.  Comparison is a choice that you get to make. Do you want to focus on someone else’s surface-level life and tear yourself down in its shadows? Or do you want to rise up and make incredible things happen for you? When you understand that the things you desire in another are also available for you too, life becomes limitless.

Write a thank-you note.  Comparison is always a looming concept that lingers around us, that we have to consistently choose to not engage in.  However, when you do find yourself entertaining the thought of it, ask yourself: “what is this trying to show me?”  Often what we find ourselves getting jealous about is what we want to manifest into our own lives.  And when we watch someone else achieve what we want, we can make a choice– lock ourselves into a debilitating comparison trap or thank them for showing us what is possible.  I mean that literally.  When you feel that nudge of toxic comparison creeping in, stop it in its tracks by writing that person a thank you note.  The process is not only empowering for you, but inspiring for the other person as well.  And instead of raging an internal war, seeing this person as the enemy, you have now positioned yourself to make this person an ally to your future success.  

I took a dose of my own medicine and wrote a letter of thanks to a woman I had been comparing myself to. In response, she sent me words of encouragement to go after my dreams, which inspired me to take action towards them that I otherwise wouldn’t have taken. This strategy truly works, every single time.

Even mentors have mentors. The best advice I can give to you is to find a mentor! The greatest miracles can happen when you are open to support. Divine guidance can flow through you when you become receptive to its powers. A mentor holds a bigger vision for you, seeing all your amazing qualities, that you may have become blind to while you’ve been so busy comparing yourself to others. They hold you accountable and empower you to grow into your authentic self. Having this added support system will truly elevate your success and have you focused on your own reality, determined to make each day even better.

Trust me, when you can fully embrace and celebrate another woman while owning your own power, that’s what I like to call being a star amongst stars.  When we take this step, we are collaboratively rewriting the rules, the feminine way.  Saying “good-bye” to competition and “hello” to Queenhood. Take this opportunity to use “comparison” to your advantage, and live the life you have always dreamed of!