Today, I am in pain
Without warning, uninvited, pain was caused and it ended up on my back and in my heart
Unwelcome, but embraced
I carry pain today
I am carrying others’ pain
No one asked me to
But I am carrying their pain too
I guess perhaps I need to admit today that I choose to carry others’ pain, in addition to my own
It’s a heavy and painful load to carry
And I’m not even sure the others are even in pain anymore
I just assumed they were
How could they not be
Yes, I am thinking they are in a lot of pain
Maybe, they don’t realize how much pain they are in
Maybe they are afraid of the pain
But I know their pain
And I weep for their pain so much that I forget to weep for mine
Perhaps, they don’t even feel any pain
None of it
Their load is light
As I carry their pain
I want to cover them with a warm protective blanket — to protect them from the pain, to block them from the pain, to take away their burdensome pain, so they won’t die, crushed from the weight of the pain, the pain they don’t feel
They are oblivious to the pain
Because I carry their pain
But my pain is so, so, so heavy
Heavy on my back, heavy in my heart
My heart is enveloped, consumed in the pain
I embrace the pain because…
What’s in the way, is the way
Though it is not comfortable, never comfortable, this pain I carry
For me and for them
And then today
……………..my back broke
Because I learned that all the pain that I am carrying is not even being recognized by the one causing the pain… they don’t care, they are not concerned, they have no empathy.
That made it so much more painful.
But — who should wish pain on anyone? It’s a gift when pain is lifted, and we need to manifest for all of us everywhere to not be in pain and surround ourselves with healing.
Being angry is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die
This is the healthy way to remember that we control our own thoughts, how we respond to people and thoughts and things. We are responsible for our own emotions and no one else’s. No one else can control or fix anyone else’s emotions.
We all choose our own emotions
And it’s so healthy when one moves on from pain, so good on them…
Except
I am still in pain
I am hurt that they are not feeling the pain with me or empathizing with me
I am not ready to heal so why should they be
This makes me angry
Anger equals pain
I have more pain now
Today I choose to still be angry
Today I choose to be angry for others’ pain
But today crushed me, my heart hurt
The weight was too heavy
Too burdensome
Too hurtful
Too raw
Too fresh
Too resentful
Too much