Depression: “feelings of severe despondency and dejection.”

I was depressed, and I didn’t even know it.

I never liked the word “depressed.”

I said I was at peace, but I was actually numb –

The hurt was so grave I didn’t know what else to do but to mask it with what I called peace, yet it was numbness.

Numb to the reality that you can be so deeply hurt by the one you love the most

Numb to the reality that what your dreams for someone’s life was never meant to be manifested. Only the dreams that are destined in their life but not by our own doing

Numb to the reality that no matter how many times someone tells you how great of a person you are, you just can’t seem to accept that to be true since your life at that moment doesn’t align with the strength they see in you.

Numb to the reality that things will be better, while your body and mind are still reeling from the physical and emotional pain that at times seemed unbearable.

My first point of healing and recovering was recognizing that I was depressed. A depression that turned into despair, deep, deep sorrow and numbness.

My first point of healing was becoming still enough to feel the sorrow that had swept my heart.

My first point of healing was accepting the help that would allow me to begin to peel back my disappointment.

My first point of healing had a community that held me up when all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and go away.

My first point of healing was saying I need help!

My first point of healing was prayer. Praying with complete abandonment, screaming to the top of my lungs and laying on the ground in a fetal position.

My first point of healing was rising up from the ashes and saying…it’s okay. I’m okay.

Don’t stay depressed, there is a long hallway out, keep moving forward. Along the way, you will find your“first points.” Allow those “first points” to help you and begin your healing.


We are created to live a life of light and joy though life experiences can come in as a way of darkness and despair. Don’t allow shame to cloud your judgment. Seek help. Talk about. Take off the mask.

‘Til Tuesday

Originally published at


  • Annette Ortiz Mata

    Annette Ortiz Mata

    I am a proud Latina. I am Puerto Rican from The Bronx, NY (which makes me a United States Citizen - wink!) My experience being bi-coastal has brought a lot of range to my life and has expanded my vision on how Latinas are perceived on both coasts. With the desire to be informed, educated and entertained, I pursued a career in Communications. I am a graduate of USC Gould School of Law with a Masters in the Study of Law with a certification in Entertainment Law. I am passionate about the truth. I am a news junkie and love to learn something new — Blogger (writer) for Soul of a I am also the author of "Unpredictable Outcomes - Unmasking my Faith" - My hobbies are reading and singing and dancing...I love to laugh out loud. Married to a fantastic man and mother of two incredible sons. Annette Ortiz Mata