Do you find that you are neglecting your partner? The partner doesn’t complain because he or she neglects you, too. But in time your companionship can erode and you hardly know each other any more. What can be done?

Tips on Getting to Know Your Partner Again

1. This means slowing down to frame a new outlook on your life and deciding your priorities.

2. Look into yourself and ask yourself if you know what is on your partner’s mind.

3. Do you know your partner’s ideas, wishes, dreams, and intentions? Do you know your own?

4. When was the last time you shared with each other what is in your daydreams about your own life and your life together?

5. What inspires you? What inspires your partner? Let each other know.

6. Do you spend enough time together doing mutually enjoyable activities? Make a list of what you enjoy together and slowly do them!

7. Ask yourself why you fell in love in the first place. What infatuated you with your partner? Is that feeling still there? If not, cultivate it by talking about it.

8. Go to some kind of retreat that gives you focused time together to get to know each other more. Set aside other concerns that come up by telling each other about them and then helping each other let them go for the time of the retreat.

9. Listen attentively to each other without drifting to whatever else is on your mind. Paraphrase what the other said so he or she knows they are being heard.

10. Think of what you can do to praise and encourage your partner to expand their lives by refocusing on forgotten interests. Support each other’s new discoveries about yourselves and each other as a couple.

It’s amazing how relieving and inspiring refinding your partner again can feel. It’s as if you’re dating all over again and finding a new deeper love. At the same time you are supporting each other’s self-image by making new discoveries about yourselves, your interests, your pleasures, your moments in the sun.

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst and author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior found on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Visit her website:

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