Learn how to change your perspective of yourself. Learn how to see yourself as a friend, someone who wants the best for you. Instead of criticizing and berating yourself, try being kind and showing compassion for your flaws.
As part of my interview series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tamar Hermes. Tamar is a highly sought-after speaker and thought leader on the topics of real estate investing for women, wealth building, and asset portfolio diversification. As an expert, Tamar has been featured in countless media and podcasts such as VoyageAustin.com, the Bigger Pockets podcast, Conscious Millionaire, The Real Estate Invest Her Show, Money Matter Podcast, and more.
With more than two decades of real estate investing and wealth building experience, Tamar Hermes teaches women earning six and seven figures how to invest in real estate with ease.
The Millionairess Mentality: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Building Wealth Through Real Estate is her first book.
Located in Austin, Texas, Tamar loves to travel as well as spend time with her husband and children. As a world traveler, she has visited over 30 countries.
Thank you for making time to visit with us about the topic of our time. Our readers would like to get to know you a bit better. Can you please tell us about one or two life experiences that most shaped who you are today?
Thank you for the opportunity. Yes, there were two significant experiences shaped who I am today. They both have to do with taking a financial leap and discovering my ability to achieve goals that were beyond what I believed was possible. First, when I was 16, I saved 5,000 dollars and bought a car. Many of my wealthier friends were given cars as gifts and they were nicer than mine, but I bought mine on my own.
I realized that if I wanted something in my life, I could figure out how to get it. I also realized that even though I was born without financial resources, didn’t mean I could not still have nice things others around me were getting.
My second experience that again solidified my ability to earn money and achieve goals, was when I bought my first property. It was a scary leap of faith and opened the door for me to see the incredible opportunity of real estate investing to secure my financial future.
We all have myths and misconceptions about success. What are some myths or misconceptions that you used to believe?
I believed that because I was born without money, I’d never have any. I didn’t understand how people grew wealthy and was afraid to even admit I wanted more money because I did not want to appeal ungrateful or greedy. It felt superficial to want a more material life.
A lot of what held me back was fear. By holding onto these false notions, I never had to worry about failing at something I wanted. I use money as an example because my work is focused on empowering women to have more money. Plus, society measures so much of our success by the money we earn. Another misconception I had about success was that once I had a lot of money, I’d feel successful. Success is an inside job. Until I learned to value myself with or without money, I never felt fully accomplished. Also, until I was true to my desires and personal expression, success even with money, did not satisfy me.
How has your definition of success changed?
My definition of success changed when I stopped following social expectations and norms of what I “should do” to be successful. When I followed my inner guidance for what truly made me happy and fulfilled, I found a meaning of success that would sustain and nourish my life. A big part of my definition of success changed when I stopped letting what others thought of me impact the way I say myself.
It is almost comical looking back at how consumed I was with whether others liked or approved of me. If I received praise, I’d feel successful and if others ignored me, I assumed I was a failure. What I came to realize was that 99% of the time, no one was thinking about me all that much and the thoughts others had of me were in my mind more than reality. Once I stood on my own ground from a place of honoring myself, I always assumed people liked me. When I like myself, my perception changed, and could experience a new definition of success.
The pandemic, in many ways, was a time of collective self-reflection. What changes do you believe we need to make as a society to access success post-pandemic?
The pandemic highlighted how you live your life. If you were a negative person, it was a lot harder. For me and others around me, while we had our challenges, overall, we thrived.
Whether it is a pandemic or a challenging life experience, we are always faced with the choice of how to react. As a society, we need to access more nurturing and training for all people to a way to stay positive. There are many things we cannot control, like the pandemic.
The way society can access success is by each person showing up for life as their best self. When I am kind, generous, and giving someone else’s life is better and that goodness continues to move forward. Each person can make a huge difference by showing up differently.
What do you see as the unexpected positives in the pandemic? We would love to hear a few of your stories or examples.
The pandemic showed us that life is unpredictable and short. I became more appreciative of every moment with my family and made a concerted effort to share more special times. We moved from Los Angeles to Austin two years ago when we admitted we wanted a different lifestyle as a family.
I know many others were able to start working from home and gaining more independence in their jobs. Others were forced to or chose to change careers and discovered a whole new path. I took the time to dive deep into a project I had wanted to do for a long time and wrote a book, “The Millionairess Mentality.”
We’re all looking for answers about how to be successful now. Could you please share “5 Ways To Redefine Success Now?”
With the changing times, success has changed its meaning. It is no longer about having a good job and accumulating wealth. Success can now be defined as achieving your goals, being happy and content with what you have, or being able to do what you love.
It is important to redefine success because it will help you live a more fulfilling life. Success should be achievable and not just something that will happen on its own.
The following are five ways to redefine success:
1) Be mindful of the present and live in the moment.
We are so used to always being busy, always being doing something, but the only thing that matters is the now. Be mindful of what’s happening today and how you can enjoy it.
2) Focus on what matters to you most.
When it comes to focus, everyone has their own definition. For some people, it means being able to focus on what they need to do in that moment. For others, it’s the ability to have a clear mind and be present in the moment. A lot of people find they struggle with focusing on what they need in that moment because of social media and other distractions.
3) Be grateful for all that you have and who you share your life with.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day hustle and forget to be grateful. In this world of constant change, it can be challenging to stay grounded and mindful of all that you have. But with some effort, we can all find a way to pause and reflect on what we are thankful for.
4) Know that the best is yet to come.
The future is bright! Who knows what the next few years will bring? Let’s be excited about the future and all that it has in store for us.
5) Practice self-compassion and kindness towards yourself.
Learn how to change your perspective of yourself. Learn how to see yourself as a friend, someone who wants the best for you. Instead of criticizing and berating yourself, try being kind and showing compassion for your flaws.
How would our lives improve if we changed our definition of success?
Lives would improve if we changed the definition of success because the pressure to be and act a certain way would no longer exist. Imagine if you could define your life and achievements based solely on what you wanted your life to look like. True success is about the individual, but society lets money and social media influencers define so much of what most of us are measuring. If you felt you could be free to live the way you wanted without judgment, I wonder what choices you would make.
My stepdaughter is a musician and 28 years old. She has the dream of becoming wildly known and signing a large record deal. Most of the time, she works on her music and earns a living working at a record store. I have deep admiration for her following her dreams. By my definition, she is wildly successful because she is living life on her own terms. Doing that is real success and takes a lot of courage.
What’s the biggest obstacle that stands in the way of our redefined success? And what advice would you offer about overcoming those obstacles?
What stands in the way of our redefined successes is the societal pressure to be a certain way. Most people subscribe to those norms and so anyone outside the box is an outcast. The visionaries and best entrepreneurs are those who are willing to stand for their ideas, ideals, and what they believe in.
The way to overcome these obstacles is to take time to connect with yourself through mediation, dance, or writing and to be in a continual dialogue about what you want your life to look like. You need to let go of judgment and fear to step into the journey of your own evolution in life. The process generally leads to great things.
Where do you go to look for inspiration and information about how to redefine success?
To find inspiration and information about how to redefine success, I think you start by looking at examples and stories of people who you admire and want to emulate. It also helps to have conversations with those [people and surround yourself with them. If you feel like you can’t find those people or access them, remember we are living in a wonderful time where the internet is a wealth of content.
You can also go to events where like-minded people attend. You would also be surprised how much easier it is to connect with others you admire than you think. People resonate with your authenticity and heart. Within your core lies your passion and your true success. Once you unlock that power, it is contagious.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He, she or they might just see this if we tag them.
This is a great question, but I have many people who I consider role models. There’s no single person.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Sure, I’d love to connect with readers. They can learn more at WealthBuildingConcierge.com and connect with me at @Wealthbuildingconcierge on social media.
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We greatly appreciate the time you spent on this. We wish you continued success and good health.
About The Interviewer: Karen Mangia is one of the most sought-after keynote speakers in the world, sharing her thought leadership with over 10,000 organizations during the course of her career. As Vice President of Customer and Market Insights at Salesforce, she helps individuals and organizations define, design and deliver the future. Discover her proven strategies to access your own success in her fourth book Success A Success From Anywhere and by connecting with her on LinkedIn and Twitter.