My second layoff is proving itself easier than the first.
Three years ago I was laid off from a non-profit that I’d been dying to be a part of. My feet dragged heavily and my head hung low on the walk home after receiving the news. I hadn’t even been there six months. It was like I’d been touched with a negative shock throughout my body that had left me numb and dense. What was I going to do now?
I would end up slipping into a mild depression while waiting in my apartment for a month until my Father could come rescue me.
This is not the ideal reaction to a layoff. It was my first layoff, and I wasn’t prepared for the worst.
Two weeks ago, I was laid off again. Two layoffs in three years- not something I’m particularly happy about. Despite this, the second layoff is going wildly better than the first. This is because over the last three years I have developed my skills outside of work. I have a decent amount saved to live off of for six months, and I know in my heart that this most recent layoff was the best thing for me.
The two weeks that I had begun to work from home during quarantine were like a rare form of torture to me. It was awful trying to get my computer up and running from home. My printer wouldn’t work. I was receiving hundreds of emails a day and all my body wanted to do was sleep. I assume from the overwhelm of it all.
I am a human that likes to create specific spaces for specific activities and my home was not a place for my work. Probably because I live in a 500 sq. ft. apartment. Anyway, this go-around I didn’t feel the shock, I felt relief. As the days go by I feel more empowered. I have been here before and I think this time it is refreshing because I know it wasn’t my fault. I had done my best in my role and it simply wasn’t working. I couldn’t fault myself for that and I am now choosing to move forward in positiveness.
I do experience the fear of uncertainty for the future from time to time, but that fear also shares some excitement for the unknown. I am doing my best to completely surrender to the unknown, and meet it with my best mindset, an open heart, and a willingness to learn. I take one day at a time, and focus on becoming better. I know I am in pursuit of greatness and couldn’t be more excited. I do what I can to take care of me and I remind myself that layoffs happen, it is how you rise up afterward that matters.
Yours in health,
Courtney