So I realized that as I grow my business and relationships there is one question that gets me moving in the direction of what I want. It keeps me consistent, focused, and inaction. And I think you may find it useful.
When we’re making changes we often discount ourselves. I used to (still sometimes) tell myself, “I need to believe in myself more. I’m not capable.”
I thought if I could just believe in myself then I could do anything.
YOU ACTUALLY DON’T NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
The problem with this is I was seeking ways to believe in myself, to become fearless. It sent me in patterns, making little to no changes. I was frustrated. There was no doubt I wanted my life to feel different.
The issue is for so long I sought answers to the wrong question.
It’s not a question of whether I’m capable, that I need to believe in myself more, or whether or if I’m cut out for this…
The question is: Am I willing?
Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. And, my lesson is that despite what IG quotes and books tell you, you actually don’t need to believe in yourself to take action.
That comes as you take action. You build evidence.
What’s more important is a willingness to get messy and uncomfortable for the sake of the thing you authentically want.
And, it’s totally okay if you’re not. What’s most important is being honest with yourself.
For me, it’s so freeing that it’s simply up to me to be willing, instead of thinking I need to do a bunch of “belief work” before I can start taking action or get what I want.
Which got me thinking about something I hear from a lot of business owners and coaches that I fundamentally disagree with…
A lot of them focus on fixing. They preach that you need to believe in yourself. They talk about loving yourself before anything else. That there is something you need to “fix” or before you can really get what you want.
And it’s BS.
To me, there’s a different approach altogether. You have to be in action instead of fixing or perfecting. And that hinges on one thing…
Willingness.
I genuinely believe willingness is THE most important thing in getting what you authentically want and avoiding an auto-pilot life.
I also believe being unwilling is the root of most people’s unhappiness and dissatisfaction at work, in relationships, and in life.
Not willing to have the hard convo, not willing to take risks, not willing to speak up, not willing to do to what it takes…
Witnessing 100+ clients in transformation has taught me a lot about willingness, which is why I wanted to share the most common questions I ask clients:
Whether you’re running a business, starting a new wellness routine, leading a department, or just want to improve relationships in general, being willing is going to be the best bet.
Here are my top 5 perspective shifts to address your willingness:
- I don’t have time. → Are you willing to make time?
- I’m so unhappy with this relationship. → Are you willing to have an uncomfortable conversation?
- This is really hard. → Are you willing to do hard things?
- I don’t want to wait that long. → Are you willing to stay the course and not get instant gratification?
- I don’t know how to do this. → Are you willing to learn and practice?
To be willing – this might be the fastest way to to move forward, to grow, to get what you want.
For the near future this is what I’ll be asking myself daily: Am I willing?
Are you?