Have you ever felt like you are living in a self-made cage? that you don’t know how to get out of? you feel like you are being constrained with your thoughts and emotions making you make bad calls? you feel like you are empty inside, like you don’t have a purpose to fit into? That you are just some waste waiting to be dumped somewhere and be forgotten or even burned. Some day you okay and fine and others are just a chaos within yourself, fighting your two sides of yourself each one trying to gain dominance over you and control you and you are there trying to figure out which side will be better for you.
You feel like the pressures of life are eating you to your bones, and you can’t really do anything about it, you try to adjust to the situation to no vein and it becomes so difficult to explain how you can be so emotional and yet devoid of emotion at the same time. Instead, your feelings overwhelm you; you feel uncomfortable, unfulfilled and confused. The place where your heart once was, where butterflies and excitement once resided, is now empty. And now most of the things you used to do seem pointless. A sense of failure occupies the place where ambition and hope once lived. What you once dreamed of now feels like a perpetual nightmare, a continuous spiral of negativity, overthinking, insecurities, lack of trust and despair.
You feel like you are tired of never being strong enough for yourself, or beautiful enough, or maybe always feeling second-best. No, not even that but also tired of feeling like you’re not even an option. Maybe you are just an opinion. You guard your heart and build walls around your mind and tell yourself It is better to keep others out. Out of this pit of darkness that consumes you because you don’t want them to be consumed.
You emerge and enter the crowd while smiling, participating, pretending that you fit in or that you okay. You only know how it feels. That you are smiling because it is what is expected of you. That the void is bottomless and that being here with these people only makes you feel lonelier. Because you don’t relate or rather you do not want to relate to these people. Simply because They do not understand you. How could they? How could anyone? and so you try to get comfortable with your loneliness and despair.
You reach for your phone, scrolling mindlessly, searching for something that will make you feel less alone in that moment, just for that moment to feel less shitty or rather stop your thoughts from being too loud. You feel as if you have lost your soul. And You wonder if it will wander aimlessly forever, or if one day it might find its way back to you. And it will because it’s not lost it’s just hiding in you. It’s just for you to find it. You don’t want to feel, to feel the anger, the despair, the hurt, the heartbreak and the pain.
Or maybe we should let ourselves Feel them with ferocity and then channel them into something constructive with our lives and maybe, maybe we’ll be ourselves again. Or maybe we should Love yourself with all our hearts. We may not feel like we are the most important persons in the lives of others, but we are always number one to ourselves. love ourselves for the purpose we haven’t yet found. That maybe we should Understand that some people live their whole lives without knowing what their purpose is, but find happiness and joy in the pursuit of their purpose. And I believe we have a purpose and that’s why am here writing this at this time saying its your time to shine again as the sun shines high in the sky, be the light and shine to others.