A rite of passage is defined as a ceremony or ritual that happens when a person leaves one group to join another. As parents, there are many rites of passage along the way when it comes to raising our children. Arguably, the biggest of those is sending our kids off to college. It’s a long and complicated process where we’re battling a plethora of emotions as we try to support our children as much as possible. Ultimately, we are doing our best to get them ready to leave the nest. That, in and of itself, can stir up a lot of feelings because it is not only a rite of passage for them, but for us as well.
To make matters worse, the college journey has become even more complicated and extensive in recent years. There’s a lot of strategy at play, from getting your child ready to take the SAT to ensuring that they write the perfect essays. This added pressure can suck some of the joy out of the process for them, and us as well. Still, I feel that this particular rite of passage is one of the most important times to lend support to our children.
There are a number of things that we can do to guide them during this transition:
- Help your child explore their options. For both of my daughters, I planned extended road trips to visit college campuses across the country. We got to see schools on their lists as well as additional universities that I thought they might like. This provided valuable information to help with their decisions and gave us lots of good bonding time as well.
- Discuss strategy. There is a certain master strategy to applying to colleges and, as a parent, you are your child’s biggest cheerleader and know them better than anyone else. This puts you in a unique position to discuss the big picture and set them up for success. Part of this involves ensuring that there are realistic expectations and that you are asking the right questions.
- Enlist support. If you’re not careful, your attempts to inspire productivity may come across as nagging. Sometimes, it can be useful to enlist support so that there are other people working with your child to help them complete some of the things that they need to do to get all of their paperwork and thoughts in order.
- Listen. You likely have your own opinions about where they should go, and what you want them to do, but it’s vital to listen to what their wants and needs are throughout this process. They are under a lot of stress and making one of the biggest decisions of their young lives. It can cause them loads of anxiety so do your best to hear them out.
- Encourage. Continue to build them up as they move forward along their life’s path. Our children need our help throughout this transition, of course, but need our encouragement even more so.
- Talk to others. Because this is such a big transition, guide your children to seek additional information that will inform them. Steer them in the direction of the people that can give them pointers, advice, and feedback to get them to where they want to go. Use this same advice for yourself as well. Talk to friends and acquaintances who are going through the same thing so that you can share ideas and support each other throughout the process.
- Prepare. Their last two years at home are a time of preparation. You are priming them to put their best foot forward in many ways, and you also are preparing yourself for the fact that they are becoming adults and will need you less and less. This can be a tough pill to swallow, but it is a reality that we all have to face.
- Lend support. At the end of this transition, things can turn out in a lot of different ways. No matter whether it goes the way that they (or you) want it to (or not), you must be reassuring and support them on their new path forward. Life, and our many experiences, are all what we make of them. Remind them of that fact and support them (and yourself too).