Many women believe they need to “feel confident” before they can lead at a higher level. They wait to feel ready, certain and qualified before they put their hand up for new opportunities.
In reality, that moment rarely comes.
In our work with thousands of women, we see a consistent pattern: the women who grow are not the ones who suddenly feel fearless. They are the ones who learn to move forward while self doubt is still present.
This article unpacks the confidence myth and offers practical ways to lead at the next level, even if you do not feel completely ready yet.
The myth: “Once I feel confident, then I will…”
You might recognise some of these thoughts:
- “Once I feel more confident, I will apply for that role.”
- “When I am more experienced, I will speak up more in senior meetings.”
- “After I build my skills, I will ask for a promotion.”
The assumption is that confidence comes first and action comes second.
In practice, it usually works the other way around. You build confidence by taking action, not by waiting for a feeling.
Why waiting to feel ready keeps you stuck
When you wait for confidence before you act, several things tend to happen:
- You delay opportunities that you are already qualified for
- You watch others, often less prepared, say yes to roles or projects you could have done
- You reinforce the belief that you are not ready, which keeps your self doubt in place
Over time, this can lead to frustration, disengagement and a sense that your career is not reflecting your real capability.
The issue is not a lack of potential. It is a misunderstanding of how confidence works.
What confidence actually is
Confidence is not a permanent trait that some people naturally have and others do not. It is:
- Contextual: you might feel confident in one environment and uncertain in another
- Learnable: it grows as you build skills, experience and evidence
- Variable: it increases and decreases based on stress, change and how you interpret events
Most importantly, confidence is often the result of action. You do something new, you survive it, you learn from it, and your sense of capability expands.
Step 1: Separate feelings from facts
When you are considering a new opportunity, ask two different questions:
- “How do I feel about this”
- “What is factually true about my readiness”
Feelings might include nervous, intimidated, excited, unsure. Facts might include:
- Your years of experience
- The outcomes you have delivered
- Feedback you have received
- The skills you already have that are relevant to this role or project
You may still feel uncertain, but the facts often show that you are more prepared than you think.
Tip for Women Rising program alum:
Revisit your strengths and achievements list from the Radical Confidence module. Reading a concrete list of what you have achieved can help rebalance the story your inner critic is telling you.
Step 2: Redefine what “ready” means
Many women define “ready” as meeting 100 percent of the criteria and being able to guarantee success.
A more useful definition is:
- I understand what is being asked
- I meet a solid portion of the requirements
- I am willing and able to learn the rest
Consider:
- Would I expect someone else to be perfect before taking this step
- If a colleague with my experience asked for my advice, what would I say
Often, the standard you are holding for yourself is much higher than the one you apply to others.
Step 3: Start with contained risk
You do not need to move straight from hesitation to a major leap. You can build confidence through smaller, contained risks.
Examples include:
- Sharing your point of view once in every key meeting
- Volunteering to present a section of a project update
- Asking to shadow or co lead a piece of work at the next level
- Initiating a conversation with a senior leader you respect
Each time you take a small risk and it goes well enough, you gather evidence that you can operate at that level. This gradually changes how you see yourself.
Step 4: Prepare well, then stop over preparing
Preparation supports confidence, but over preparation can feed anxiety and perfectionism.
A balanced approach looks like:
- Doing the necessary research and planning
- Clarifying your key messages or contributions
- Anticipating a few likely questions or challenges
Then, at a certain point, you stop and trust yourself.
Ask:
- Have I done enough to be responsible and informed
- Is additional preparation adding real value, or just soothing my nerves
Learning to recognise that line is an important leadership skill.
Step 5: Learn to manage your inner critic
Self doubt will often speak loudly at the edges of your growth.
Common thoughts might be:
- “Who am I to do this”
- “Others are more experienced”
- “If I make a mistake, it will prove I should not be here”
You do not need to eliminate this voice, but you can learn to relate to it differently.
A simple process:
- Notice the thought and label it as “inner critic” rather than “truth”
- Ask, “Is there any objective evidence for this story”
- Replace it with a more accurate statement, for example, “I am learning, and I am capable of contributing at this level”
With practice, this helps you act from your values and goals rather than from fear.
Step 6: Put yourself in environments that support growth
It’s easier to take confident action when you are surrounded by people and structures that reinforce your capability.
Consider:
- Who believes in my potential and tells me so
- Who challenges me to take on more, and supports me when I do
- What communities, programs or networks could help me practice new behaviours in a supported way
Confidence grows faster when you are not doing all the work in isolation.
You do not need to wait until you feel completely confident to lead at the next level. In fact, if you wait for that feeling, you may never move.
Progress often looks like this:
- You feel some doubt.
- You take a considered step anyway.
- You learn from the experience.
- Your confidence grows as a result.
If you are ready to stop letting the confidence myth hold you back and want structured support to lead at the next level, the Women Rising program is designed to help you build the skills, mindset and community to do exactly that.