Just because it’s invisible doesn’t mean it’s not costing you something.
Have you ever left a meeting more exhausted by managing people’s emotions than by the actual agenda? Do you find yourself softening your tone, mediating tension, noticing who’s excluded, remembering birthdays, checking in on that one colleague who seems off?
If so—you’re not imagining it. You’re doing emotional labour.
And it’s likely costing you time, energy, and recognition.
What is emotional labor?
Emotional labor is the invisible, often unpaid work of managing feelings, relationships, and interpersonal dynamics—especially in professional settings.
It can look like:
- Soothing tensions in a meeting
- Supporting a struggling teammate (even when it’s not your role)
- Modulating your emotions to keep the peace
- Being the default person for “culture work” or team wellbeing
- Taking on more to “be helpful,” even when your plate is full
And while emotional intelligence is a leadership strength, emotional labour becomes problematic when it’s assumed, expected, and unequally distributed.
Why it matters—especially for women
Research shows that women, particularly women of colour, carry a disproportionate amount of emotional labor in the workplace. It’s rarely acknowledged. It’s almost never rewarded. And yet, it’s essential to team functioning.
This invisible work often leads to:
- Burnout
- Resentment
- Career stagnation
- The belief that you have to “do it all” to be valued
Here’s the truth: being the emotional glue of your team is not your job—unless it’s actually your job. You deserve to be recognised for your contributions, not just your care.
How to begin shifting the emotional labor load
1. Name it
Bringing awareness to what you’re carrying is the first step. Start tracking the invisible tasks—emotional check-ins, energy smoothing, conflict avoidance.
2. Set boundaries with compassion and clarity
You can care deeply and honour your capacity. Practice language like:
“I’d love to support you, but I need to focus on [X] right now.”
“I’ve noticed I’ve been taking on a lot of team care lately—can we redistribute some of that?”
3. Shift the culture—not just your role in it
Emotional labour doesn’t belong to one person. Raise it in conversations. Bring it to leadership. Advocate for shared responsibility in relational and culture work.
Your leadership is not defined by how much you absorb. You don’t have to be the fixer, the smoother, the caretaker. You’re allowed to focus. You’re allowed to protect your energy. You’re allowed to lead without over-functioning.
The more we name the emotional labor tax, the more we can shift it—from silent expectation to conscious, shared responsibility.
And that’s how real change begins.