We are not programmed to think of Divorce as a gift. We are programmed to think of it as a failure. Personal failure. Marital failure. Life failure. Failure all around. As a result of that programming, we often let it define us. Sometimes it becomes one of the first things we say when we introduce ourselves when meeting someone new. Not to advertise that we are single but to just get it off the table. Then inevitably you get the pity look and “I’m sorry.” Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sympathy, but no one is sorrier than myself so let’s just move past it.
People don’t like to think of other people as single and “alone”. Honestly, it drives me crazy. I am not alone even though I am divorced. In fact, I was more alone when I was married than I am now. I ate alone. I watched TV alone. I often went to bed alone. When you are unhappy in your marriage, you are more alone than when you were single.
There isn’t much you can do to fix that loneliness. Everything you try seems like a Band-Aid because no matter how hard you try to snuff it out, it’s always there. I would go out with friends, but the unhappiness was oozing out of me. Laughter didn’t come easy. Nor did a smile. I was not fun to be around in those days. I couldn’t stand being home because I couldn’t stand to be with myself the way things were. I tried so hard to fix things and the harder I tried, it seemed like things just got worse. Eventually I just gave up. And when that happened, the loneliness was soul crushing.
Now that I am divorced, I see my Divorce as a gift. It’s a gift because I have been able to find happiness again with myself. I am focused on building my Divorce Coaching for Women practice. I am learning new skills and I am enjoying myself. I am motivated. I am present. I am me. I am rebuilding my life the way I want it to be. I have been set free.
Divorce is a part of who we are, but it does not have to be part of your definition. My definition of myself has changed from single, to married, to divorced, to business owner. Now, the fact that I am divorced comes up much later in the conversation. And it’s in a positive way. It is what led me to start my business and finally take that leap. The leap I have wanted my entire life. It was my divorce that finally gave me the courage to step out on my own and do me.
When working with clients in my Divorce Coaching for Women practice, I help them envision what their next chapter looks like. I coach them through the pain offering tips and tricks to keep moving forward and past it. Letting go of the pain allows you to move on quicker and start embracing your new life. We work on creating the building blocks of your new life. Soon there are enough blocks to stand on and we can actually see what the future could look like. Life presents us with all kinds of opportunities that we can only see when we are ready.
Life after divorce is not all that bad. In fact, life is better than it’s ever been.