The Key To Overcoming Self-Doubt

“Who would want to listen to me?  I’m just a nobody.”

“Who would care to hear what my thoughts are about mindset or self-development?  I don’t have a degree in psychology.”

“Why would any established coach be interested in helping me?  There are so many other people out there more worthy of their time and attention.”

“What makes you think you’d be taken seriously as a coach?  You can’t even say the word ‘contribute’ without getting your tongue twisted.” 

These are just some of the thoughts that have crept into my mind when I first entertained the idea of reaching out to Jason Goldberg, a renowned entrepreneur, transformational coach, TEDx Speaker, author of the international best-selling book, Prison Break and creator of the Playful Prosperity and the Business UNusual System programs.

I’ve been following Jason Goldberg on social media for about three years now and if you also follow him like I do (in a non-stalker way, of course), then you know that his exuberant personality truly sets him apart from all the other coaches and speakers out there. 

So why the thought of doing an interview with someone as distinguished as Jason Goldberg sounded like a no-brainer for me back in June, I had absolutely no clue.

I just remember thinking that doing an interview with Jason as a bonus to the online course I was creating would be like adding Tabasco sauce to my already awesome loaded omelet!  It would definitely bring on the zing!

Yes, you could say that it was pretty ballsy of me to even think I stood a chance, let alone to actually hit the “Send” button on my message screen.  But I didn’t approach him with any expectations, only with joyful anticipation.

Besides, what was the worst thing that could’ve happened?  If he turned my invitation down, I would’ve just taken it as some divine hint to try a different approach — maybe send him a video essay a la Elle Woods in Legally Blonde — well, NOT EXACTLY like how she did it, duh!  I would’ve worn a blue swimsuit instead of pink.  I don’t think pink compliments my skin tone as much as blue does.

From Intention To Action

Anyway, allow me to share with you the exact message I sent to Jason:

“Hi, Jason! How are you? You’ve probably been asked a hundred times this question by many different people but I decided to conquer my fear of rejection by asking you anyway…

I’ve been meaning to ask you about what it takes to interview you as part of a group course I’m planning on launching (yeah, finally! It would be my first program ever!! Haha!). My course is about self-confidence for women entrepreneurs and I’m naming it “From Self-Doubt to Standout”.  I’m thinking of adding an interview with entrepreneurs I personally look up to as one of the bonuses, and the tips and wisdom you can share on how we all can develop our confidence on cam and onstage is the missing piece I’ve been searching for. 

My lessons are mainly mindset-focused but I’m thinking that a bonus that focuses on the public speaking aspect would be extremely valuable. 

Would it be too much to ask you to be featured in my course this way? You are the only coach I know and follow that has the expertise and credibility to speak about confidence this way. Please let me know if this is something you’d grant me the honor of doing with you. I’d be extremely grateful!! ”

Much to my surprise, this was the response I received from Jason:

“Hey, Myla! Great to hear from you! Thanks for the invitation and I would be happy to do whatever I can to support you and the work you are doing in the world! Lets PLAY!”

I’m sharing this with you to show you that if you’re hoping to find the confidence to do something you’ve always wanted to do, you’ll never find it.  That’s because confidence is not a prerequisite for taking action.  In fact, it’s the other way around.  Confidence comes from taking action.

At the beginning of this post, I shared with you some of the self-sabotaging thoughts that tried to stop me from reaching out to Jason Goldberg.  Had I waited until those thoughts completely disappeared before I sent him the message, this probably would never have happened at all…

Jason and I sat down on the 5th of September to talk about how to develop the self-confidence to speak in front of a live audience, whether onstage or on camera.  The interview will be one of the bonus features in my upcoming course, “From Self-doubt To Standout”.

In retrospect, I’m extremely happy I decided to send him that message because it turned out to be one of the most amazing and significant moments in my journey as an entrepreneur.

From Ego To Service

Aside from the truth that self-confidence is a result of, and not a prerequisite for, taking action,  Jason dropped another truth bomb that day that stood out for me.

Ironically, even as we’re experiencing moments of self-doubt, we’re still focusing on our ego.  Hence, the Self in SELF-doubt.

“What does it mean to be a good speaker? Does it mean that you’re polished? Does it mean that you look professional?  Or does it mean that you actually make a difference for the people that are in the audience? So if I’m focusing on ‘How can I be a good speaker?’, as in, ‘How can I look good?’, then I’m in my ego. I’m forgetting about all these people that I say I want to serve because I’m making it all about me. It’s really all about shifting from ego to service. If I’m really here to hopefully contribute to the transformation of  even  one person in this room, then how will I show up?” (Jason Goldberg)

Confidence emerges AFTER you take action, but it’s also just as important to examine your motivations behind your actions.  Are you focusing more on what you’ll get in return for your efforts — or what I often refer to as “tuning in to the WIIFM station” (What’s In It For Me?) — or do you genuinely care and desire to be of service to other people?

From Fear To Faith

So after I sent Jason that message back in June, I immediately felt victorious even before I heard back from him.  I realized that my self-doubt was unwarranted because I just did the very thing I didn’t think I could do.  And that’s how my confidence emerged — from seeing how I overcame my FEAR and responded to it in FAITH.

With grace, compassion and a whole lotta LOVE, I told myself that regardless of what Jason’s response would be, it would still be FUN to explore this possibility.  And as much as I was hoping he would give me the benefit of the doubt — that I wasn’t just someone who was trying to ride on his coattails — I realized that I shouldn’t be passing judgment on him either, whether he says “Yes” or he says “In your dreams”.

“Let’s explore this possibility and see what happens!” is what we should all be whispering back to our subconscious every time it tries to warn us that this brave thing you’re about to do might just lead to rejection. (Myla Saavedra)

From Self-doubt To Standout

So how do you move from self-doubt to standout?

I submit that you keep these three words in mind:  Clarity.  Confidence.  Credibility.

CLARITY: Get clear on your motivations. To develop self-confidence, just as Jason expounded in our interview, you’ll need to make a decision to shift your focus from ego to service. What would you need to do, who would you need to become, how would you need to show up in order to wholeheartedly serve the people whom you feel called to serve?

CONFIDENCE: Keep in mind that confidence comes from taking action.  So just do it. Don’t add judgment to the moment or the experience. Write that blog post. Call that prospective client. Launch that program. Sucker punch Fear in the face by doing the very thing it’s saying you can never do. 

“Confidence is a result of, not a prerequisite for, taking action.” (Jason Goldberg)

CREDIBILITY: Just remember this acronym — V.O.G.U.E.  

To establish credibility to your audience, you must continually and generously give Value.  

Openness and embracing vulnerability are also essential. People need to see that you trust them by sharing a piece of your heart — your dreams, your fears, your mistakes, etc. — and they too will trust you with theirs.  

Show a Genuine concern about them, their journey and their struggles.  

Don’t be afraid to show all the things that make you Unique. Once people see that you totally love and accept yourself, so much so that you’re comfortable showing up with all your quirks, they too will respond the same way to you, appreciating and accepting you just as you are. Those who don’t, well… don’t matter.  

Share and teach from your own personal Experiences. This is something HUGE that I learned from Jason Goldberg during the interview. People’s opinions about your story and your experiences should have no bearing on your credibility because you’re simply speaking from your experience. They might have a different or opposing view, but that’s because they too have formed their own beliefs from their own experiences. Neither one is right or wrong. It just makes us different.

AND MAY I ALSO ADD NON-ATTACHMENT TO THE OUTCOME?

Stop obsessing over what the answer will be, or when, where, or how the answer will be delivered to you.  Let go.  Seriously.

This also applies to feedback and criticisms.  Stop thinking so much about them.

Whenever you decide to put yourself out there and share your work with the world, there’s always that 50-50 chance that your work would be criticized. Don’t be intimidated by negative feedback.  One, you can always use the feedback as a tool for improving your craft and for growing.  Two, you can also view that as an affirmation that your work is noteworthy and has potentials for success because someone cared enough to critique it.  Three, you can also always respond in LOVE even to the people who tell you to “not give up your day job”.

Conclusion

The key to overcoming self-doubt is to drop the ego and that will require an unwavering belief in who you are.  When you know who you are, there will be no need to measure up or prove your worth to anyone.

It will also require a whole lot of “forgiving yourself”… every single day.  As you continue to work on areas of your professional or personal life that need improvement, never forget that mistakes and failures are inevitable.  But just as God’s grace and forgiveness are yours every day, you should also be willing to forgive yourself every day.  Because until you make yourself that promise, you will always procrastinate for fear of failing again and getting criticized again.

Also, rather than being hung up on expectations, wait in joyful anticipation for all the wonderful possibilities that will be consequently presented to you so you can fulfill your divine appointment and be of service the way you desire to be in the world.

Finally, in everything you do, let Love be your motivation because, as Jason Goldberg said in his book Prison Break, your Love eradicates your Fears.

So just make that decision to get yourself out there and watch miracles unfold before your eyes!

I always hear Jason Goldberg say this in his live streams:

“We should always aim to leave people feeling better than when we first found them.”

Judging from the way I felt after he left that day on September 5th, I can honestly say that this man walks his talk and I’m even more determined to follow in his footsteps.

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