By now, many of us have heard about the Law of Attraction through the movie, The Secret. And we think all of a sudden we can wield this “secret”. We learn how to hunker down and think positive, focus on what we want (or so we think), and we still don’t have a baby. So we try harder, read more books, focus more; and the baby still isn’t coming. There are a lot more nuances to this Law of Attraction (LOA) than we realize.

I see this all the time in my holistic fertility practice -where my clients, who are these smart, driven, beautiful women; think they’re taking the right steps, and think they’re being positive. But the truth is that most of them aren’t (and they have zero clue).

So it’s vital to understand what’s really happening so you can take charge and make some kind of shift.

I’m so dedicated to helping women move through these emotional blocks that are preventing them from conceiving naturally; and I want to share some of the nuances and/or life hacks of the Law of Attraction that have helped my clients manifest their little munchkins.

Unfortunately what most of us get from The Secret or other general LOA material, is that if we focus reeeeeally really hard and we reeeeeally really want it, the Universe will deliver a baby (or car or million dollars etc). Here’s the problem: The Law of Attraction means like energy attracts like energy. So essentially whatever energy you’re putting out, the Universe answers with like energy. What we focus on, we get more of. We all know that person who’s grumpy all the time and expecting the worst, and continually has problems; and we know that happy go lucky friend who things just seem to go right most of the time for. That’s not their disposition, or their lot in life; it’s a direct manifestation of where their energy is. What we often don’t realize is that when we’re “reeeeally really wishing for it”, the Universe is hearing we “reeeally really don’t have it”. It’s hearing the desperation and lack, so that’s what it answers with. Another month goes by, and no baby. We may think we are being positive up the wazoo, but the Universe doesn’t care what we SAY; it hears the energy. And if we are putting out “need” (ex. I NEED it to happen THIS month), the Universe answers with more “need” energy. It hears the desperation, lack, and fear it that it might not happen. So we want to make sure that your energy is pointing you in the direction of what you desire vs what you don’t want. Part of this is realizing that you are attracting everything into your life for better or worse. So if there’s something there that you’re not liking, you get to change it! Don’t waste time blaming yourself, or not wanting the responsibility of this power. Revel in it, and be grateful that you get to change your life by changing your thoughts. I’ve done it, my clients have done it; and you can too.

We’ve been trained that the harder you work and try, the better the result, and the more deserving you are. And I’m here to tell you that energetically, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s more like: “the harder you try….the harder you try”. Remember like energy attracts like energy. So if you’re putting out “I’m too old, I’m too old, I’m running out of time” – which is a super common belief that many women plug into (and actually isn’t true most of the time); the Universe answers with examples of why you’re too old. All of a sudden your egg count goes down, you’re told you need IVF, more invasive measures, or they tell you that you just plain can’t do it.

I want to open your eyes by giving you a list of some common beliefs that you can probably relate to. Thoughts that you likely don’t realize are actually hurting your chances of allowing your munchkin in.

3 Statements that we think are positive…but actually aren’t- And ways to reframe them so they actually become positive:

1. When am I ever going to get pregnant/I should be pregnant by now/We’re “trying” to get pregnant.

Trying= it’s hard and something other than yourself can decide whether or not you’ll get pregnant. “Should be pregnant” is not being in “what is”. We’re spending energy in what “ought” to be, and that’s wheel-spinning energy that can’t move forward. So try reframing it with “It’s gonna be awesome WHEN I’m pregnant”. And FEEL that in your bones. It’s gonna be awesome WHEN the doctor hands her to me.” How does that show up in your body when you think that? Goosebumps? Laughing? Tears? FEEL it. That’s when thing start to shift on a cellular level. Try making a list of why it’s likely that you will get pregnant, and feel into each of those. For example: I’m in good health, my cycle is normal, I eat well, I’m maternal etc. Focusing on what’s going RIGHT vs we we think is wrong. It’s not being delusional, it’s focusing your energy on what you want, so the Universe can answer with what you’d LOVE.

2. I hope I don’t get my period/ Looking for spotting. This is suuuuuper common. A lot of times we’re feeling good for the first three weeks of our cycle, and then the fourth week we have a Jekyll & Hyde moment and all of a sudden we’re in panic mode. We think we’re being positive by “hoping” it doesn’t come; but the Universe hears “Oh s**t, my period is going to come…spotting, spotting, spotting “ So it answers with spotting. Can we reframe “This is the week of my period” or “I hope I don’t get my period”; with “I could be testing this week!” Feel into what it’s going to be like when you see that positive sign on the pregnancy test- that holy s**t moment when you realize YOU DID IT?? Also remember that the symptoms of your period are VERY similar to symptoms of early pregnancy. Can we not default to “oh great, feeling crampy. Here comes my period.” And instead, close your eyes, put a hand on your belly and notice what’s going on in your body. This puts us in our intuition, instead of our brain (who’s amygdale are freaking out with their little fight or flight response). You could also a mantra like “I trust you” to your body. Your body knows what to do. It’s designed for this stuff. Show it that you trust it knows better than your brain.

3. Why can’t I get pregnant like my friends/My friends had such an easier time than me.

First of all, we can’t actually KNOW that that’s true. But whether it is or not, it’s energy that is stuck spinning in “it’s not fair”. And while I know the Universe can seem like kind of an a-hole sometimes, I promise everything is happening exactly when and how it’s supposed to. That includes you and your friend- you’re on different paths. What helped one of my clients who was avoiding her friend and dealing with this jealousy and wheel spinning energy, was to acknowledge: A: their journeys were separate. B: she loved her friend and could be happy for her joy; and most importantly, C: This was a great opportunity for field research! Her friend was investigating car seats, breast feeding, organic mattresses etc. This was an awesome opportunity for her to ask her friend questions and take notes because my client knew SHE would be pregnant soon and would need to know this stuff. It really helped get her out of the jealous-it’s-not-fair-of-it-all. And incidentally, she’s due in February!

It takes much less energy to be in what feels good and what you’re excited about vs the worrying, fear, desperation about something we don’t even know is true. When you’re stressed, over planning, scared, over analyzing, you’re stuck, and forcing…which brings a forcing response from the Universe. When it feels good, you’re in the flow. You’re able to INVITE the energy in that you’re wanting, so the Universe can respond with what you’ve invited in

See if you can move from LONGING, to BEING the energy you want. My wish is that you know that you can do this, mama. All the best on your journey.