We’ve all heard the saying, “You’re the sum of the five people you spend the most time with,” but this inherently gets at an issue, and really a lie we’ve told ourselves so that we don’t have to take full accountability for our lives.
That being said, with everything that’s happening right now, this issue is being heightened at a whole new level, that, if we don’t address it, will likely end up creating a boiling point.
What is this issue?
The inherent lack of value we have for ourselves, just for being, just for existing.
This starts when we’re kids where (over)achieving mixed with an obsession with having things starts to become deeply ingrained. Instead of valuing our beautiful, whole selves, the way we do a baby, we project a feeling of not enoughness that carries us through our childhood and into adulthood.
Unfortunately, though really fortunately, this issue of lack of value is rising to the surface to be addressed. If you question this, understand that our intrinsic value is what gets us through the storms of life and helps us to feel happy from the inside-out, no matter what’s happening in our world. Devastatingly, all we need to do is look at some of the celebrity suicides like Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, to understand that, without this, this world is a hard place to live in.
And, right now, each of us is on our own front lines, and it’s no longer just about getting by, surviving or staying “under the radar.” Now, we must look deep within and work towards knowing our value. This is the value that helps us face our biggest challenges in an unshakeable way, a way that allows us to feel deeply ingrained trust no matter what’s occurring in our world.
So, how do we find, identify and uncover our inner value to begin to cultivate a life that’s grounded through its storms?
In my book, Living Deeply: A Transformational Journey Through Deep Pain, Loss and Abandonment to Healing, Self-Love and Miracles, I discuss this in-depth, but here’s where I recommend starting:
Healing Yourself.
To find value, we must be willing to look at our childhood wounding and notice the places within us where our value was taken away or diminished. When I was first starting my healing journey, with many everyday occurrences, I’d ask myself:
Why is this in my field?
What is this here to show or teach me?
How is this here to help me to learn, grow and heal, and really, how is this here to support me?
So, for example, if you are having a difficult experience, it’s important to ask yourself these questions, and then notice the answers. Is it here to help you to be in your power to use your voice and speak your truth? Is it here to help you to heal a pattern that you might not be able to see otherwise? Whatever the case, notice this, and if you can, feel the feelings that are behind it, whether it’s anger, pain or sadness.
Loving Yourself (More).
Next, I’d notice the places within myself where I wasn’t loving myself as much as I could. Do I often say yes when I mean no? Am I a people pleaser? When something bothers me, do I acknowledge it or brush it off? These are just a few, but there are so many places within us where we could love ourselves more. It’s important to start looking at these, and even if we don’t honor them with another, it’s important we start to create the conversation from within that allows us to know that we recognize that we have hurt ourselves in some way so we can begin to trust ourselves more.
Honoring Yourself (More).
While all of these intertwine, the last one I’d recommend is honoring yourself more. Do you allow yourself to be disrespected in your relationships? Do you accept less than you desire and deserve, whether it’s at your job, in your relationships or someplace else? While this sounds simple, honoring ourselves everyday is a practice. This is especially hard because we’ve been conditioned to do what’s comfortable and easy. With this, though, where can you lean into the discomfort?
Right now, this is exactly what’s being called for, and guess what?! The more you do this, the more you trust yourself. Then, the more your body gets rewired, and deep inside, you begin to remember your value. You begin to remember that you’re supported. You begin to remember that you’re loved.
This is the value that gets us through the storms of life and allows us to know we can handle anything that comes our way. This is the value we once knew as a newborn. This is the value, that, if we work at it, we can know again.